titsay
AnasAbdin
Cosmic Funnies
Mike Driver
Sweet Seals For You, Always
d e v o n
★
roma★
izzy's playlists!
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i don't do bad sauce passes
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almost home
art blog(derogatory)
we're not kids anymore.
todays bird
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$LAYYYTER
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@aroace-thoughts
Happy pride month to all aromantic, asexual, aspec and/or questioning folks!
You belong in the queer community, you are welcome, you deserve to feel proud of who you are
Whether it’s your first pride month or you’ve been here for a long time, I wish you all the happiness!
It’s okay to not want to have sex ever. It’s okay to never even try it.
I was 23 before it even occurred to me that not starting with sex ever was an option. The feeling of relief was so great I actually cried.
You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can have a fine live without ever having sex, I promise you.
Also, it’s okay to never date anyone ever. It’s okay to never even try it if you don’t want to.
I wrote a master’s thesis on intentionally single people, and the number of them that said in various ways, “I didn’t know not dating people was even an option at first” was absolutely tragic. They honestly thought they had no choice and it never occurred to them that opting out was even a possibility available to them.
People honestly believe these are life experience you are required to have AND THEY ARE NOT.
You can just not have sex. You can just not date people. You can completely by-pass one or both of those things. Neither of those things are required to be healthy, happy, normal, mature, fulfilled, or any of the other bullshit notions that get attached to these things.
Today’s the day! ‘The Other A in LGBTQIA+’ by AUREA is officially out today! Dive into the powerful, personal stories of the aromantic community—our voices, our experiences, our truth. Read more about it here: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/news-feed/our-book-the-other-a-in-lgbtqia-coming-out-now. Grab your copy now and help us celebrate this milestone for aromantic visibility!
[Image description: light green square graphic on a white background. Large text on the graphic reads: "Today's the day! 'The Other A in LGBTQIA+' by AUREA is officially out today!" Smaller text below it reads: "Dive into the powerful, personal stories of the aromantic community— our voices, our experiences, our truth. Grab your copy now and help us celebrate this milestone for aromantic visibility!" Below the graphic to the right is the cover of the book 'The Other A in LGBTQIA+'. At the bottom left of the image is AUREA's logo. There are squiggly patterns in the colours of the aromantic flag across the background.]
...what is the "sex is just rock climbing" category
It was kind of a joke between me and a friend ("you wouldn't judge someone for having gone rock climbing with a bunch of different people") but honestly the more I thought about it the more I bought into it unironically because:
It is a physical activity done with one or more partners
You should only go rock climbing with people you trust to not let you fall
You should not go rock climbing with someone who is drunk or currently incapable of rational decision-making
Some people get super super super into rock climbing and do not shut up about all the places they have climbed and how many are left on their bucket list and these people are usually men between the ages of 20 and 35 and like it's fine dude I'm glad you're happy but I don't know what most of those mountains even are
While many consider it a fun activity, pressuring someone into climbing when they don't want to (or ignoring their feelings and just dangling them off a cliff,) could cause both psychological and physical trauma
There is no moral value to it whatsoever. Who you have gone rock climbing with (or whether you have rock climbed at all) has no bearing on who you are as a person. Imagine telling someone "it's not that heights make you nauseous, it's just that you haven't found the right person to belay you!" or "you need to save your first time rock climbing for someone special." That would be absurd.
For some people it is a deep and moving personal experience.
historically I have not asked myself "will this aggravate my hip flexor injury" before participating when perhaps I should have 😔
Good news this post has been approved by literally all categories of people
This is amazing to see. I'm gonna cry 😭. That's my aroace spaceman 😭👏
lowkey i want more "problematic" aromantic and/or asexual representation. i want aro/aces who are unhappily married or in romantic relationships that they abandon for entirely selfish and not necessarily sympathetic reasons. i want aro/aces who are bitterly jealous of their friends' romantic partners for making them happy in ways they never could. i want aro/aces who are corrupted by power because they can't find satisfaction in other people. and i want romantic relationships that are ruined by friendships or even the allure of isolation. i want love to lose.
most of this is projection but please please please imagine aromantic Frodo. Frodo who has never felt the urge to court someone, not understanding when other hobbits find it sad that he’s a bachelor. Frodo who just wants to be happy with his books and friends. Frodo who over the course of the journey develops a great friendship with Sam, and despite everything he’s enduring he realizes he never wants to live without Sam again. Aromantic Frodo who realizes that even though all he needs is his friend Sam, Sam wants someone to love and marry, something Frodo can’t give. Frodo who just wants his Sam happy with Rosie, despite knowing that he would’ve been happy with just Sam. Frodo who knows he has to leave because of both his unhealed wounds and because he knows his presence is splitting Sam between Frodo and Sam’s family. Just PLEASE imagine aromantic Frodo for a minute I’m begging
shoutout to aromantic people who have a complex relationship with their aromanticism
I used to be the most simple, explainable 'version' of aro. I didn't have any interest in relationships, never experienced anything close to a crush, and just felt very detached from romance in general
this hasn't been the case recently and losing the assurance I had from how simply I was able to identify with that label has been pretty lame, and trying to communicate any of the complexities of my experience has been pretty awful
so yeah shoutout to aro people who's experience with aromanticism isn't easily explainable. shoutout to aro people who've experienced romantic attraction. shoutout to aro people who don't know if they've experienced romantic attraction. shoutout to aro people who are interested in romantic relationships. and shoutout to aroallo people, generally
we deal with too much bullshit actually
conversations of amatonormativity and consent overlap a lot and should be discussed side by side more frequently. because when you live in a society that teaches you that you’re supposed to want sex and romance, that you may want to say no in the moment but you shouldn’t say no forever, any statements about consent get muddied. you cannot at once preach that consent is vital and “you can always say no” and also insist that people should give sex and romance a try, even when they express disinterest, telling them “eventually you’ll find the right person.”
The word 'asexual' is used when someone means 'aromantic'
Both aromantic and asexual people ask people to make the distinction because those two are not the same
There is a distinction between 'aromantic' and 'asexual'
Some people who are both think 'aromantic asexual' is a mouthful so they call themselves 'aroace'
People start using 'aroace' when they mean 'aromantic'
It never ends
Aromantic has to do with not feeling romantic attraction (or very little). Asexuals do not feel sexual attraction (or very little). Please get them right. They are separate, totally different identities. Yes, some people might be aroace (both), but not everyone is.
Aro and ace activism is housing reform, is well-funded public housing, is an expansion of affordable housing, is allowing single people to get affordable and public housing, is rent controls to make it possible for single people to be able to afford to live alone on a single salary.
Aro and ace activism is healthcare reform, so that no one needs to rely on a spouse for health insurance, so that healthcare is available to everybody regardless of income, so that no one’s lived experiences or basic dignity are dismissed or overridden by doctors
Aro and ace activism is well-funded and expansive public transit, so that you don’t need to have someone on hand to drive you places if you are incapacitated, so that you don’t have to pay for an ambulance if you need to get to the hospital quickly
Aro and ace activism is disability and elder care services, so that no one needs a spouse to care for them, so that no one needs children to care for them, so that marriage is not a bind for disabled people, so that people on disability who want to and can live alone can
Aro and ace activism is community-building, it’s public events, it’s free social activities, it’s mutual aid, it’s activities that bring community members together without socializing relying on just a romantic partner
Aro and ace activism is developing a culture of believing when people tell you who they are and what they want rather than assuming you know them better than they know themselves
Aro and ace activism means a better world for people without “normative” desires or “normative” social support, which means a better world for everybody
Free (mostly academic) aro theory resources
On Amatonormativity
Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger
Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight
"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton
'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy
On Relationship Anarchy
The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren
The Relationship Anarchy website
Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez
Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén
The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen
On community
Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work
Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.
Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report
Aurea Aro Census
Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler
On QueerPlatonic Relationships
Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)
Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder
Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.
On intersectionality
Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color
Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler
Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst
Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw
A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)
Other aro-related interesting reads
New Dimensions, New Directions: Asexualities and Aromanticism in the 21st Century - Megan Carroll et al.
Enriching the Story: Asexuality and Aromanticism in Literature - Adrienne Whisman
The Importance of Representation for Lesser-Known Sexual Identities on the Example of Asexuality and Aromanticism - Jasmin Kiechle
Experiences of Italian Asexual and Aromantic Individuals in Healthcare Settings: from Explicitly Aggressive to Affirming Interactions
Other lists of aro-related ressources (not all sources listed in these are free though)
by Aurea
The Asexuality and Aromanticism Bibliography
If you know of any other free ressource about aromanticism please consider adding to this list
Happy aro awareness week from your local arospec!
I want to wish everyone who falls under the aromantic umbrella a very awesome week!!!
It is Aromantic Awareness Week! 💚🤍🩶🖤 With the passing of Valentine's Day and Family Day right around the corner, we remind ourselves that aros deserve to be treated as equals, and we live in a society.
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Links to resources and sources below the cut
this aromantic spectrum awareness week, I am celebrating every aro.
so this one goes out to the aroaces, the alloaros, the arospecs, the aros who don't use the SAM and those whose identities are too complicated to describe neatly.
this is for the aros who have never been in relationships, and those who have. the ones who feel romance repulsed and the ones who are neutral or favorable.
this is for aros who have queerplatonic partners or would like them. for the aros who never want a partner in any form.
for the trans aros, the neurodivergent aros, the disabled aros, the aros of color. for the aros who have other identities that affect their experience with aromanticism.
for the aros who are still figuring things out. for the aros who are questioning or who used to identify as something else. for the aros who are insecure in their identity. for the aros who sometimes feel isolated or misunderstood because they're aro. for the aros seeking community.
for any aros who aren't already on this list, because our community is so varied and full of so many people who are all over the spectrum of human experience.
this is for every aro. you are all real and valid, and you all belong. this is a week to celebrate you. and I can only hope that you feel celebrated every other 51 weeks of the year, because aromanticism is beautiful and is something worth celebrating, always.
may you be happy. may you be fulfilled. may you find others like you. may you make it through the hard times to find a better world on the other side.
happy aromantic spectrum awareness week.
Was doing research for an Aromantic Awareness Month post, and I compiled some info on Aromantic History. Thought I should post it here too
13th century - Beguinage: to house religious women who lived in community without taking vows or retiring from the world Qing dynasty (17th century) - The Golden Orchid Society: included women who married other women and women who did not wish to marry, have romantic, or sexual partnership Late 19th century - early 20th century - Boston marriages: the cohabitation of two women who were independent of financial support from a man. Some of these relationships were romantic in nature; others were not 1979 - Dorothy Tennov spoke of “non-limerant” people in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, and recognized that romantic and sexual love were not necessarily linked 2002 - Possibly the first use of the word “aromantic” on Haven for the Human Amoeba 2005 - Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz discussed that historically marriage wasn’t originally about a relationship between a man and a woman, but about making ideal relationships such as having desirable in-laws, strong alliances, and increasing that family labor force. 2006 - the word "aromantic" used on the AVEN forums 2010 - The term "queerplatonic" was coined by S. E. Smith and Kaz 2011 - National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility founded 2011 - First flag proposal 2012 - Professor Elizabeth Brake defined amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship" in her book Minimizing Marriage 2014 - Aromantic Awareness Week suggested (later becomes Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week) 2014 - Second and third (current) flag proposal 2016 - Arocalypse created 2017 - Aromantics Wiki created 2018 - “Aromantic” added to the Oxford English Dictionary 2019 - Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy created 2021 - Aromantic Awareness Month first observed 2023 - Aromantic Awareness Day and Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Day first observed
Collected the info from: Wikipedia, AUREA, sennkestra on Arocalypse
Happy 'Aromantic Visibility Week'!
Happy #Aromantic Visibility Week (15th - 21st Feb) #AromanticVisibilityWeek
