My Thoughts

I free write my thoughts and feelings. I know I feel deeply and I can say I love myself for all that I am.

[arshbrarr]

Who thought you would teach me how to live?

Little did I understand when Selena Gomez said, "There is a blessing in the breaking". For the 22 years of my life I thought I was living, accomplishing everything that a kid my age would ever dream of but, little did I know I was fighting to survive, I was fighting with my own nervous system. I think my whole life all I have learnt is to fight for things, people and opportunities. I nailed things and opportunities but, I lost people. No matter how hard I tried people would just slip away. I used to think I was so strong of letting people go, I was so strong to be on my own but, guess what I have always found myself running or rushing through things so, that I don't have to face what I have lost. I would always tell people if you ever hurt me or break my trust , you are dead to me. I used to think I was so strong for being able to do that but, now I think about it I was the weakest. All these years, my nervous system was fighting, I didn't know what calm was until after I met you and with a blink of an eye lost you. I thought I lost the purpose of my life. I gave up and I left everything behind without a second thought, I just didn't know what to fight for anymore. But, all those months when I had nothing to fight for I learnt not to run. I felt at peace all by myself even though I had nothing to look forward to. Maybe , that's why for once in my life I chose myself and honestly, nothing scares me anymore. I give life my all, I give myself my all and I am so proud of myself and I know you will be too. For once in my life I am not worried, I am just curious. I can finally say that I love life and I love myself for who I am and really mean it.

[arshbrarr]

"We are all afraid, we just have to get to the point where we understand that it doesn't mean we can't also be brave"

[arshbrarr]

You are not alone

You know when it comes to our feelings , how we feel we are all alone and no one really sees us for who we are and we always question ourselves why me? Why does this always happens to me? The reason is we don't always sit with our feelings, we don't always accept them and we never give ourselves the benefit of the doubt that it is okay to feel whatever we are feeling. We always fail to tell ourselves that whatever I am feeling is terrible and it doesn't make sense but, who says you can't accept yourself for feeling your feelings. It's about you, your acceptance, not the world around you. People will only see you for how you see yourself. Feelings of sadness might not be the best feeling , honestly, at one point I used to feel it's the worst feeling in the world but, now I think at the end of the day it's just a feeling and it doesn't define us. We are so much more than just our feelings. Honestly, in this season of my life I have realized that feelings teach us acceptance, pain teaches us to accept people for who they are , without judgements. Honestly, if we start seeing and feel things just as "feelings" and "emotions" there would be so much gratitude around us. We just have to learn to accept pain and sadness as we accept happiness and joy.