For the 45th consecutive time in our nation’s history, we got exactly the president we deserve.
We have a sociopathic 70 year-old’s finger on the nukes button thanks in large part to willful ignorance, voter apathy and suppression, gerrymandering, pantsuits and a hilariously outmoded system of vote counting. USA! USA! USA!
All seriousness aside, it is incumbent on us not to fall for the misdirection practiced by this White House from Hell. While you’re getting fired up about some (admittedly) outrageous quip by President Twitter Feed, other members of this end-of-days administration he formed are doing truly heinous shit: America, say goodbye to your health care plan, coal companies will resume dumping sludge into the water supply, the mentally ill are no longer barred from purchasing assault rifles, the EPA will be dismantled by an avowed climate change denier, the Department of Education will be destroyed by a billionaire with the apparent brainpower of a toaster oven, and banking rules will be repealed in order to help billionaires get richer, while simultaneously screwing over the very constituency that put them all in office.
Whether you’re liberal or moderate, keep your eye on the ball: someone’s got to be the adult here. Calling the Donald names is exactly what Bannon and his gang of idiots wants you to do: Smart people wasting precious energy turning Trump’s toupee into a cartoon character while the wrecking crew gets to work sending this country back to the Stone Age is Plan A, B and C.
So be the bigger person: The next time you feel compelled to call Trump a “Door-To-Door Steak Salesman,” “Agent Orange,” a “Cheeto-dusted Bag of Cole Slaw,” “The Marmalade Man-Baby,” or “The Angry Creamsicle,” don’t go there.
No “Fuckface Von Clownstick,” “Fascist Carnival Barker,” or “Tangerine Tornado.” Please refrain from referring to him as “Hair Gropenfuhrer,” “Rome Burning,” “He Who Shall Not Be Named,” or “El Puto de Naranjo.”
Drawing comparisons to “America’s Black Mole,” a “Mangled Apricot,” a “Bloviating Sac of Flesh,” a “Decomposing Jack-O-Lantern” or “Ferret-wearing Shitgibbon” should also be avoided.
Tags like “Darth Hater,” “Dudley Do-Wrong,” “Tanning Bed Warning Label,” “Vanilla ISIS,” “Tyrannosaurus Von TinyHands”, “Bozo Baby Fingers”, and “Trumplethinskin” get us nowhere.
Associations with infamous dictators, like “Tangerine Twitler,” “Sunkist Stalin,” “Mandarin Mugabe,” “Mein Trumpf,” “Mango Mussolini,” or “Butternut Squash Batista,” are simply not the way a respectable adult conducts a serious conversation.
Think of it this way: very time you call the holder of the highest office in our land “Squirrelwig McRacistPants,” the terrorists win. And by terrorists, of course, I’m referring to Vladimir Putin.
I’m not saying a sense of humor doesn’t help – at some point it might be all we have left. But to fight this administration’s shitstorm of lies and powers to distract, we need a tidal wave of truth and activism. Stand up for journalists. Continue to call out the lies and the liars that tell the lies. And for all our sakes, keep marching.
They are counting on us to lose our will and concede this battle with protest-fatigue. Keep your sense of humor close at hand, but keep the truth closer.
(All credit for the majority of the preceding nicknames is due to Dana Carvey, Ashley Feinberg, Charles Blow, Graydon Carter, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Martin O’Malley, Samantha Bee, John Oliver, Rosie O’Donnell, Jon Stewart, the NY Daily News, Some Scottish Twitter Feeds and if I missed anyone else I sincerely apologize.)
