This is going to sound ultimately bizarre considering the situation, but I need to just word vomit.
Last couple day I've been at my friend's Kate, while my card is being charged with hostel reservations and etc, but it's nice to be around people. Her friends are fun, funny, and a level of nerdy that I can talk about things around them and at the same time hold back a little bit to observe their lives. The student culture in the UK is like some great beast that may be comparable to the US culture, I'm not sure yet. There's drinking and Kate convinced me to go to a club, after nearly hours of biting nails and hesitations and a promise from her, her boyfriend, and another guy that they'd keep an eye on me and promise nothing bad would happen.
It was amusing that night because Kate would always ask how I was feeling, as for them, they drink a little before going to the club. If I said 'Fine', she was unamused, and fixed me a sugary drink with several shot worth of Vodka. At the end when we headed to the club, I felt lightheaded but not...unaffected? I was extremely insecure being there, with skinny tall girls wearing tight skirts while I was wearing jeans and a shirt. However, Kate gave me more drinks (these time bitter and bleh), but I downed them and eventually had a lot of fun. I've never been a dancer, I doubt I will be sober, but while I was in there, for a few hours one night, I was.
I had one girl come up to me, and though she was obviously drunk, she screamed to me, "You're amazing!" and we hugged. Weird experience.
We eventually left because one of Kate's friends had a meltdown and went back to her house. I paid for a taxi (which pissed everyone off somehow), we got there, and one of the guys cheered her up while the three girls remaining (we started out with a group of like (10+) talked with one of the guys remaining.
It's weird to discuss my arrogance about Indian culture. It's one of the few cultures I wasn't exposed to in my childhood, and he's Indian, so talking about the pressure of his family was familiar to me in a lot of ways, but at the same time it wasn't. After Kate's friend was calmed down, we had to find David, who saved my ass a few days ago but ended up absolutely hammered somewhere in town.
The place isn't big. We wandered around for awhile, calling David occasionally, until we found him. During that time the group mainly stayed ahead of me and the Indian guy. In a way, it was bizarre yet...comfortable talking to him? I've never been that comfortable talking to a guy like that in real life in my life. I told him things I never tell anyone on the first day, like I told him a bit about Nick, I admitted how insecure I was about my appearance, it may have been the alcohol talking but I feel like in the long run it wasn't.
I understood him a bit better, and he seemed to understand me than most people usually do. He said he found me attractive (and it may have been BS but it sounded sincere), and I shouldn't be worried about finding someone because as I said to him, "They're going to find us when we're not looking."
It was just...a weird experience. We talked casually about anime and technology and video games and 9/11 and my writing a little bit until about 6am in the morning, when after a discussion about the next 'web generation' died, we both decided to go to bed. He got me a pillow and a blanket, hugged me goodnight, and went upstairs.
I...don't really know how I feel at the moment.
