I'm not sure if doing this is the right thing, I'm not sure if writing about it cures whatever its hurting me, and i'm not sure what I should do. But setting you free was something I'm sure of and will never look back.
It took me awhile to let you go, to let you wander of and never come back. It hurts still, pretty much. You were too busy chasing your dreams, I was too busy being into you. Or maybe you were too caught up with your passion and hobbies, but I was hanging around your soul like someone who lacks interest in anything else but you, and just you. You were the one I was only looking forward to see during the weekends despite the distance, and you were the one I constantly think and worry about; about how you ripped your shoes or pants while dancing, or about how you almost got a warning letter at work cause of your silly haircut, or just about how you wore your shirt inside out. Silly, but you.
People may say I'm at fault for letting you slip off my hands; maybe i was too selfish or maybe i just didn't know how to tell you what bothered me. They say communication is everything in a relationship but it's not. I can not talk to you for a week, and still feel like my body summons you. I try to share, to express whatever distress or distraught our relationship is causing me, and how much i've been hurting all these while.
The thing about me is that I love to keep everything to myself; in return that if it doesn't hurt you, I'm happy. But let it cause me grief, not you. What feeling is this? Stupidity? Yes, I'm stupid. Call me whatever you want. But it's the way I love my man. And probably it will cause me my life, and not ending up with anyone else forever. I know, I know the consequences.
It will take some time now. You usually post photos of me in your instagram feed and I'm not sure who will it be next, and how I love love the way you set your wallpaper by picking all the selfies I take. You left a piece of your clothing for me to miss you even more, the smell makes it so much better after a hectic day at work. And oh, the way you left your scent on my sheets, how you cuddle and flood me with kisses which leads to another. How how I miss driving 20 over km to your place on Sundays.. And not forgetting our favourite past time; visiting hipster cafes and drinking on Saturday nights listening to our least favourite bands but still enjoying each others company. And how you wipe my tears whenever my mood decides to swing, the way you pester me to tell you whats up but having to fail in the end.. cause I'm just a person who likes to bottle up like an air tight container. It will take some time for me to get over you, like how I got over the others.. but you're a tad different. As I gave you a part of me that I can never take back for the rest of my life. Go figure.
Sometimes people are just not meant to be in your life, but they are just meant to crossover. Maybe it will teach you a lesson, maybe it will never. The reason behind meeting every guy and girl in your life, finding it out is gonna be hard. But you'll figure it out. You'll find out why it never worked out in the first place and why it ended. Probably it was you, and never him. or probably it was both of you. We'll never know, but what I know is that.. We met for a specific reason, having someone to do silly things with you and sharing your happiness together even if its for a few months, it gave you so much relief. Relief that this person existed to teach me that someone can cause you great pain and at the same time- fall so deeply in love. Makes you believe that someone out there will do the same for you. But that will never be the case right?
Till then, I'll take this as my fault. I'll bear the consequences for not being the person you'd want me to become, and I'll take what everyone said about us, because I made it complicated that way. I'll be in wrong, because I should be sharing my unhappiness with you all this while. but please dont blame me.
I'll always remember you. Although somewhere down our lives we tend to neglect the thought of each other, I'll always remember the day you came into mine and relive it. Just so the thought of you lingers, but one day it will never affect me. One day.
You're free now. Fly, little one.
izzy806
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