Hii, kind of a tangent from your most recent ask, but as a transfem who started hormones (1 month in! woo!) before socially transitioning, do you have any advice for approaching social transition? I am feeling a bit of mixed excitement/trepidation at the usual big things (skin softening, emotional shifts, nips going crazy) just due to feeling a little unprepared for the social transition that I (vaguely) intended to follow.
I realize I'm asking you for advice on something you explicitly didn't experience, but should I be buying a particular kind of clothing? Or working on makeup? i feel incredible about the progress I've made and I'm so excited to keep moving forward. But I'm also realizing that pretending to be a man is going to stop working eventually. and if you have pointers they would be greatly appreciated.
First thing is that I’m excited for you, I’m proud of you, and there’s no right or wrong way to do any of this stuff - sure, take all the advice you can get, but give yourself the last word. That doesn’t mean you always have to feel 100% comfortable with everything you do, because you never will, but it’s up to you to make choices about your own life that are sustainable for you. And we’re all still figuring this stuff out, there’s no one point where it just clicks and you understand how to pass all the strange sick little womanhood tests our society imposes or even whether you want to, and that goes for cis women as well.
All that said, here’s my best advice:
Knowingly experiencing misogyny for the first time is a wild trip and you should be prepared for astonishing levels of disrespect and rudeness, especially things like being talked over by men
In fact, just in general, you should be more scared of cis men than you think you should and less scared of cis women than you think you should
Get really good and clear at saying your own name and introducing yourself. Practice in front of a mirror if you like. Expect people to get it wrong anyway and try to make a point of correcting them even though it hurts
Unless you have a lot of background knowledge about women’s clothing, what works for you is going to be a lot of research and trial and error, and some of it is going to make you feel bad, as it does for cis women. Just try and go about it intentionally and thinking about what styles and colours and patterns and shapes you’d like to wear and how they fit together. Just as a general rule, assume that anything you buy in the first year is going to age poorly, so try not to spend too much money
Same with makeup: these are both skills you can learn and practice. I like having one simple look I can do in ten minutes flat, in the dark, underwater or under artillery fire and I’ve never really needed or wanted to go much beyond it, but you might feel differently. Best lipstick I’ve ever used is Maybelline Superstay because they’re not joking, it does not come off. Blend your foundation into your neck and use way less of it than you think you need
Skincare! Your skin is going to get much softer and more delicate, which is great, but that means you need to take care of it. Doesn’t have to be a lot - if you’re moisturising your face once or twice a day and wearing sunscreen outdoors you’re ahead of a lot of people. If you want to do something more elaborate then it goes in this order: cleanser, scrub (maybe twice a week tops), serum, eye cream, moisturiser. Important thing is to let each one sit for a few minutes to do its thing. Yes, this does take forever. Feels really nice, though
Find a hairdresser who Gets It and who you can talk to. This might take some shopping around, but it’s important. Note that this doesn’t even necessarily mean an expensive hairdresser, and sometimes those are worse. You just need to feel comfortable talking to them about what you want
Shoes are a nightmare hellscape. Don’t ever buy them online no matter how cute they are or how scary going to the store feels, go and try them on in person, and keep asking to try different things if they’re not comfortable. Walking in heels is easier than everyone says it is if they fit, it’s just that most people’s shoes only almost fit. If nothing’s working, see a podiatrist
Bralettes are okay (there’s a reason the Calvin Klein ones are a meme), especially while your tits are still growing, but once they’ve kind of stabilised you need to get a bra fitting. You will look and feel so much better and much like shoes, even among cis women, most people’s only almost fit
You need to eat because all the transition’s got to come from somewhere. There are different and harsher social expectations for women but you still need to eat
If you can get into the habit of a regular exercise routine you will feel much better. Do a lot of stretches or yoga too
Consume art. This is as important as the last two and I’m not joking. You need regular access to beauty in your life to keep your heart open because there will be a lot of shit trying to force it closed. Could be novels, music, painting, whatever. It will help with everything
Anyway that’s all I’ve got. Mind you, I didn’t do half of this stuff and I still turned out alright. So you’ll be fine. Stay brave
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