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When you’re growing up in abusive family, you don’t feel like “oh, I’m being abused, this is wrong.” You don’t even think about that. Instead, you feel guilty all the time. You feel like a horrible person. You feel useless and wrong, like something is fundamentally wrong with you, and you deserve every bit of harm coming your way.

For every time your parents hurt you, you feel it was justified and you deserved and provoked it. You keep feeling horrible and guilty about everything you’ve done to cause it. Even when something extreme happens, you dismiss it with “they didn’t mean that” or “it was just once, in anger, so it doesn’t count.”

You feel like a burden, because you know these people don’t want you in their house, and you don’t feel capable of being independent, and it’s on you that you keep bothering them with your existence, and don’t seem to be capable of getting out of there. You don’t feel like you deserve food, shelter, clothes, or anything. You feel like a burden no matter what you do. You don’t feel welcome anywhere, you don’t feel like you have a home, like there’s a place on this planet where you could be loved and cared for. You doubt yourself so badly, you struggle to see any value in your existence and it becomes hard. You break down and feel weak and lost and like everyone else is leaving you behind. You don’t feel like a part of anything. You feel guilty for existing the way you are.

If you felt this, you’ve been thru abuse. There is no one on this world who is useless, unworthy of love, or deserves to feel so guilty and to be hurt all the time. These ideas didn’t come from you, but from how horribly you were treated. Feeling this way is not normal. You did not deserve to feel this way.

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The whole notion of being dirty or impure is garbage. You’re not those things because someone touched you, with or without consent. Whatever you have done, whatever that has been done to you, it doesn’t tarnish who you are. You get to decide that. Every single day. Yes sometimes you have mental, emotional, physical scars but that’s okay, they’re the same as that scar on your finger from when you accidently burnt yourself, the same as the scar on your knee from when you fell as a kid. They’re proof of your body healing, fixing itself, stopping your bleeding, your body loves you, so love it back. You aren’t dirty or impure or any such thing, you may have lost your innocence but that doesn’t mean anything either, because life makes you lose a lot, and gain a lot, so what did you gain? Are you not now wiser? Trust yourself, everything you have and are is for your benefit. Allah created you in perfect shape, the way you are designed is flawless, look at how we overcome life’s attrocities. No more feeling tainted etc. It’s all just a concept put in your head by people and media growing up. And when Islam says something will harm your soul, it also says that you can protect it, and heal it, and how to overcome it. Do you istagfar, love yourself, stay clean, keep your environment clean, and your mind clean. Be mindful of what you read, what you watch, what you eat. Consume what is good, and good will reside within you. You can always come back from where you are. You heal and your body and soul heal too. Your mind heals, the world heals. Don’t ever believe otherwise.

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Crystal Valentine - “And the News Reporter Says Jesus Is White”. Support the artist, check out the full poem here.

buttonpoetry

“I am a product of my mother’s fragility and my father’s misery. An attempt at creation by two bodies designed for destruction.”

— Bianca Phipps - “Born to Embody It” (CUPSI 2015)

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flonyc

To our Dreamers: We don’t care where you were born. You belong here. We will fight for you.

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i want a fic about sansa getting married to loras and margaery to renly then when everyone else is asleep margaery and loras high five each other every night when they meet in the corridor whilst changing rooms and they live happily ever after

ultrafacts

Officials assigned the trees ID numbers and email addresses in 2013 as part of a program designed to make it easier for citizens to report problems like dangerous branches. The “unintended but positive consequence,” as the chair of Melbourne’s Environment Portfolio, Councillor Arron Wood, put in an email, was that people did more than just report issues. They also wrote directly to the trees, which have received thousands of messages—everything from banal greetings and questions about current events to love letters and existential dilemmas.

“The email interactions reveal the love Melburnians have for our trees,” Wood said. Here are some emails Arron shared.

To: Golden Elm, Tree ID 1037148

21 May 2015 I’m so sorry you’re going to die soon. It makes me sad when trucks damage your low hanging branches. Are you as tired of all this construction work as we are?

To: Algerian Oak, Tree ID 1032705

2 February 2015

Dear Algerian oak,

Thank you for giving us oxygen.

Thank you for being so pretty.

I don’t know where I’d be without you to extract my carbon dioxide. (I would probably be in heaven) Stay strong, stand tall amongst the crowd.

You are the gift that keeps on giving.

We were going to speak about wildlife but don’t have enough time and have other priorities unfortunately.

Hopefully one day our environment will be our priority.

To: Green Leaf Elm, Tree ID 1022165

29 May 2015

Dear Green Leaf Elm,

I hope you like living at St. Mary’s. Most of the time I like it too. I have exams coming up and I should be busy studying. You do not have exams because you are a tree. I don’t think that there is much more to talk about as we don’t have a lot in common, you being a tree and such. But I’m glad we’re in this together.

Cheers, F

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