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YOU ARE THE REASON
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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we're not kids anymore.
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@ashlynkatherynnn
I get it; believe me. But life…things happen. You’re going down one path, and it seems like a nice path-it is a nice path-and then, next thing you know it’s like-whoa. Wrong path. Not the path for me. But that’s good. It’s good. Because you learn. And you handle it.
George O’Malley, “Grey’s Anatomy” (via lilpieceofmyworld)
jan 15, 2019
i miss sleeping next to you.
Sometimes you try so hard to take care of everyone else that you forget to take care of yourself.
things I want but will never ask for:
- you to text me first - blowing up my phone bc you miss me - forehead kisses - back rubs - hugs from behind - calling me “your girl” - sending me songs that make you think of me - playing with my hair while I fall asleep - “did you remember to…” texts - holding my hand all the time - morning sex - reassurance that you love me - dancing in the kitchen - late night talks about life - silly pictures - breakfast dates
SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO STILL TRIES TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS AFTER DEPRESSION HIT THEM HARD. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH RECOGNITION FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT THEY’RE GOING TO LOSE INTEREST AND MOTIVATION AGAIN BUT PUSH THEMSELVES TO DO STUFF ANYWAYS. YOU ARE FIGHTING A DAILY BATTLE WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND YOU’RE STILL COMING OUT ON TOP, YOU’RE ALL BRAVE AS FUCK
No more one sided relationships, you deserve the same amount of effort that you’re putting in.
gentle reminder
your friends really do like you, that’s why they hang around you - i know it’s hard, but whenever you’re able, please try your best to not doubt them
i also wish i understood why i want to cry when people tell me they care about me and just want me to talk to them and be vulnerable with them and trust them or why i want to cry when i get butterflies because those are good.
this is a more personal post/rant and this is my disclaimer for it:
so yesterday i went to my new job and im still training but i was working register with our shift supervisor and randomly got hot and started feeling weak. i knew what was happening though. in seventh grade, i had a seizure that led to me being diagnosed with fainting spells. it sounds so painless and small but i was unconscious and my body and mind both have suffered every time it has happened. i asked if i could get some water and i was told i could and i let her know i felt faint but as i walked to get water my hearing went out my vision went out and i have no idea what happened after that. i came to and was on the floor sitting up with a customer that was a nurse behind the counter asking me questions and my coworkers surrounding me holding me in a sitting position. my shift supervisor had gotten me a water already and i still felt very faint. i sat there for a minute breathing and checking on myself to double check that everything was still real and i was okay, and i stood up and was helped to the back where i sat down, drank my water, and talked to the nurse about what had happened. 5 months ago it happened, too. i was out with friends trying to have a fun night like every young adult wants. i wasnt drinking or being stupid because i never ever have wanted to be that person that ruins the night bc they had a little too much fun, but i got up to get some water and i could not control it. i fell forward losing control of my body, my friend helped me stand up straight and i started seizing in his arms. i then fell unconscious to the floor, slipping from my friends grip and hitting my head on a concrete floor. for months i was scared to go out and enjoy myself again because of that night and the fact that i had ruined it, and now i am struggling to feel like i am safe anywhere or doing anything. i went to the clinic this morning to try to get some answers. i had an ekg done and a bunch of bloodwork done. i got no answers and was told it was “just seizures” with no specific trigger and no way to prevent it or fix the problem. i think the thing that hit me hardest today was when the dr ordered the bloodwork, he asked if id ever had any done, looked at my chart, and then said “oh of course not you are only 19.” he is right. i am nine months away from my 20th birthday, and i am already getting bloodwork done and struggling with health problems that cannot be explained fully and have easily been minimized into something i feel like is not even worth mentioning to people because the people around me act like its nothing. i know i could have it worse, but i have done a lot of hard work and fighting to get to the place i am right now. i have put myself out there and faked confidence and spent time i could have used being a teenager on things like online classes so that i could graduate high school a yesr early and get on with my life. i am very mentally exhausted by all these people telling me ive had it easy and still do and other people struggle more than me as if i dont spend all my time telling myself that and telling myself to minimize my own struggles because others are worse off. i fully understand that other people struggle and have problems but when do i get even just a second to accept and let myself know that yes i am struggling deeply and yes i have not been able to find a way to fix and yes i am allowed to take a minute or two to cry or to say im hurting and i dont want to.
i dont know where i even was trying to go with this but i just needed to get some words out of my head and into writing whether they make sense or not.
“In college, I used to underline sentences that struck me, that made me look up from the page. They were not necessarily the same sentences the professors pointed out, which would turn up for further explication on an exam. I noted them for their clarity, their rhythm, their beauty and their enchantment. For surely it is a magical thing for a handful of words, artfully arranged, to stop time. To conjure a place, a person, a situation, in all its specificity and dimensions. To affect us and alter us, as profoundly as real people and things do.”
— Jhumpa Lahiri, from “My Life’s Sentences” (via ablogwithaview)
hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof
I’ve never seen anything so accurate though
I hope the next school shooter comes to your school and kills you specifically.
huh I just had the same thought funny how that works why don’t you come off anon and face me bitch
whoever this anon is should suck their own ass what kind of person wishes that kind of thing on someone else?
to be a teenager
if you don’t have perfect skin and long legs and beautiful hair, you’re ugly
if you’re one of those beautiful blond girls, you’re still an air-headed bimbo
if you’re too smart, you’re a nerd
if you’re too passionate, you’re crazy
if you’re not passionate enough, you don’t care about anything
if you do too many sports, you don’t care about school
if you don’t play any sports, you’re a lazy loser
if you study, you have no life
if you don’t study, you fail the class
if you don’t make self-deprecating jokes, you’re egotistical
if you make self-deprecating jokes, your generation is hopelessly depressed
if you have social media, you’re shallow
if you don’t have social media, you’re antisocial
if you don’t speak up about current issues, your generation doesn’t know anything
if you do speak up about current issues, you’re too young to do so
if you talk too much, you’re annoying
if you don’t talk enough, you live in the shadows
if you’re too skinny, you have an eating disorder
if you’re too fat, you should diet
if you don’t have good grades
if you aren’t sporty
beautiful
smart
fiercely intelligent
social
you aren’t enough.
if you love yourself, you shouldn’t.
shoutout to everyone with social anxiety or really bad/low self esteem who gets themselves up and goes to school everyday, or musters up the courage to leave the house, y'all are the real mvp and i love you
