who anastasia fabray
where inspecific but fabray residence for sake of location.
when august 10th 2014
what a reflection, a summary, a new beginning.
July had passed by like the sea. It came in waves
of highs, of lows – and if Anastasia looked at it
realistically, that was how all months, all days,
all years moved. There were moments of
content, moments of sadness and moments of
crippling lows. But it seemed, only this particular
month, where the sun shone high, warming the
earth beneath it, that Téa became particularly aware
of this notion. That her senses seemed to heighten
and that as the world around her continued to spin
at its regular twenty-four hour day pace, she found
her very own world spinning at irregular intervals.
Somedays would go slower than a snail vs. turtle
race – the fastest moment the time where the
turtle sneezed and propelled itself over the finish line.
Where other days seemed to move so quickly it was
dusk before she had even gotten out of bed.
And in some part it was pathetic, she knew that.
She knew that there were greater lows in this world,
greater issues, questions of poverty, war, terror.
Every day the news displayed to her every horrible
thing that occurred in the day, each one seemingly
getting worse, and each one a consistent reminder
that she shouldn't feel so sad, so empty. Each one
a thud in her thoughts reminding her every good
thing she had, an education, a family, friends, a
house – each strengthening the brewing self hatred
within her, and each weakening her belief of every
pulling herself out of this deep state she had found
herself in.
Because if she hadn't trusted that girl, hadn't invested
every inch of her into loving, caring, harboring feelings
for her – maybe, just maybe she wouldn't feel like
every breath was crushing her lungs, like every pump
of the blood through her body was laced with poison.
Maybe then every 'I love you' every kiss, every night
spent with one another – maybe they wouldn't have to
haunt her, a constant reminder that relationships weren't
a good thing. No, not at all.
And as July came to thudding close and August opened
it's doors, the blonde began to think she wasn't ready
-– for a new month, for the end of a season, for new
beginnings. She wasn't prepared to be faced with classes
once more and having to focus on more than simply
getting out of bed or waking up before the sun had set.
Indeed with August brought not only school, not only
the end of summer – but also quite abruptly the prospect
of something more. There was a chance for her now –
A chance for Anastasia to leave July behind like a hazy
memory, leave each piece of her crumbled heart to
rest, to re-piece and to simply put – move on. Because
as much as staying curled up in bed with reruns of
Orphan Black and a whole four seasons of Game Of
Thrones to watch – at the end of the day, and ultimately
when it came down to it, she couldn't spend her life
wasting away due to one girl, one experience.
Because when she thought about it? That seemed like
a pretty horrible way to spend the rest of her existence.
just us, and dinky the bunny of course. but- us. you and me, teacake and gracie. always and forever.
don’t say that! just because it hurts right now, doesn’t mean it’ll hurt forever… i know i’m not very good at this whole advice thing, but.. i think it’s true. and one day you’ll fall for someone again, and that other person will love you through and through- and if they don’t you should send them to me and i’ll kick some butt.
teacake… it’s okay y’know.. to feel like this. i mean- i think it is anyway. they always say it is in the movies… like in ‘Because I Said So’. we should watch that together soon. it’s one of my favourites..
i just- i mean that i’ve never… had a relationship before.. with anyone.. i mean, i’m pretty committed to taking care of dinky the bunny, but.. people? i- i’ve never had a boyfriend- or a girlfriend.
I'm so very, very done with the human race. Each and every one is a despicable waste of oxygen and carbon-dioxide and I would very much like to never ever see another one ever again.
who anastasia fabray
when july 7th 2014
where the fabray residence
what heartbroken and fooled once again, téa swears to herself that she will never again enter into another relationship. ever.
Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that – I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much – so very much to learn. –– Sylvia Plath
There is nothing that causes complete confusion, utter destruction of the soul - nothing that causes someone to crumble into a pile on the floor, to find tears constantly a-flow down a pale complexion, to have their throat red and sore from wailing, to have their hair a matted mess, their face contorted in the saddest of expressions and their heart, their heart aching, shattered into a thousand pieces again and again and again.
...There is nothing that causes such pain like heartbreak.
And if Anastasia Fabray, nimble and exhausted on the bathroom floor, hadn't experienced such pain in her life, she would be one of very, very few. Because unlike a mere headache, a simple graze of the knee, a fever - this inexplicable pain tore through her and crippled her. It had been days since that horrid phone call, since she had met up with the girl she had loved and treasured for months, since she had placed her final kiss on those perfectly soft lips and since she had said her very last muffled farewell.
Trust. It had been placed so tentatively in the hands of her love, along with her heart, her thoughts, her every living emotion - each delicately wrapped in 'handle with care' paper and sealed with a kiss. And yet each had been thrown aside, trampled on and torn, and somehow the blonde had allowed it all to happen. She hadn't taken back her heart, her thoughts - she had left them with the girl, the girl who had destroyed them, long before Téa realised.
A staggered breath tore through Anastasia's lungs as the nauseous feeling lurked in her stomach, as her eyes stung with tears and her voice was inaudible and cracked from the screaming. Never in her life had she experienced such affliction, such horror, and yet now she was living it, living every moment of it, and oh, how much she despised it. Bare skin lay flush against the cold tiled floor, clothed in a mere t-shirt and underwear hardly warming attire, and yet with her pale skin peppered in goosebumps, she couldn't care, her mind was elsewhere, away from not only the cold floor and woman who had destroyed her heart, but away from the present also. Instead she found her thoughts attached to memories, thoughts of her childhood, her sisters and something within that thought caused Téa to find her legs moving of their own accord, standing her up and leading her into the kitchen.
As if by muscle memory she found the Pop Tarts, placing them individually in the toaster and stood - almost mesmerized by the sheer brilliance of their crisping. Breaths later and they were cooked, present on her plate and with one small bite she found the very smallest of smiles inching onto her lips. An unspoken vow between herself and her heart had been made in that moment.
...Who needs relationships when you have pop tarts and gummy bears anyway?
Pinky double swear. I always stick true to my word, Tea! Always. I’m a word stickerer. Also, I’m the Poptart Queen. I think that should be my title going forward. Gracie Ava Fabray, Poptart Queen of New York City. Psst, Tea… Will you bring poptarts?
It’s okay, Teacake, promise. Pinky double swear. You can paint whatever you want on the wall behind my bed! I’ll just move my bed first though, because I actually really love my bedsheets and since they’re all new and shiny and white I really don’t want to get any paint on them…
hey, do you want to help me paint my bedroom? I have ideas, and I know I’m the arty one out of us, but the company and help would be pretty lovely- I promise I won’t force any Peter Pan upon you! well, except the Pan stuff I’ll be painting…
...I can make absolutely no promises that what I paint wont look the quality of a preschooler, but I can try my best Gracie-Lacie. I'll chuck on a pair of old clothes and be with you in a flash!
Okay I am just going to head out I think. You started this game and I was just trying to play along. Now you are blowing up on me and I am really confused on why. So I am thinking I’ll just let it go and come back to you later and we can deal if we have too.
I just don't like being treated like sex cures everything Daphne I don't see why thats a bad thing. I was just playing and suddenly I have to go have sex with you to 'make it up to you' and I just don't see how thats at all fair for me especially seeing that sex is a big deal for me... But I guess I'm just Little Sweet Tea so I guess that's that.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
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