Ask Valjean and Javert

We've put aside our differences and complex moral codes to answer questions. Inquire anything (within reason). You can ask questions individually to Valjean or Javert, or to the both of us.

[ask-vj-and-j]

You have just made a certain embittered shut in's life (mine) so much better simply by being on this hellsite. Thank you both and rock on.

Rock on yourself, and may you stay as eternally bitter as police-station coffee on the night-shift. 

Javert

[ask-vj-and-j]

Valjean, I assume you bought the house on Rue Plumet because of the secret passage and the cottage hidden in the back. How did you find out about these features? When looking at houses, did you find any others with such appeal?

I have learned to be aware of the smallest details in regards to the spaces I inhabit. As for other places you would be surprised what old houses contain that most people might never be aware of. 

Valjean 

[ask-vj-and-j]

Have you ever been fooled by a fake article on the internet?

1-800-ask-me how much malware I’ve removed from this computer because he’ll click on anything.

Javert

Just because I click on it doe not mean I believe it.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

Whose idea was it to start an ask blog?

It’s been too damn long, and I’m not slogging through the archives. But all signs point the idea coming from the Jack.

Javert

I do believe I made the initial suggestion. Javert was quite helpful setting up the blog itself, though.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

Not really a question...just dropping by to say that I hope you two are still doing well with the quarantine and everything. Wishing you all the best in these trying times.

It’s been interesting. When I’m not at work I’m trying not to climb the walls. The Jack has spent so much time in the garden that he’s dangerously approaching the same shade of brown as me. 

Javert

I wear sunscreen. And a large hat. 

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

At the moment, I would like to be allowed out of the apartment to visit Cosette in person.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

What are you guys' sleeping preferences? E.g. how many pillows, how many blankets, on your side/back/stomach?

The trick is to sleep so hard and so deep that it's like a three-hour hibernation and then you're ready to go for the day.

Javert

I use a very firm mattress and no pillows. I only sleep under a light blanket, and on my back. I suppose these are, in a way, old habits. I have a touch activated lamp by my bedside—it is surprising how loud even the smallest click can be in the night. Neither Javert nor I sleep very long, I think.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

Javert are you worried about bringing corona home to Valjean

Like he said, I’m careful. Careful to the point of stripping in the hall. The neighbors haven’t complained thus far...

Javert

I think if there is one person we can trust to follow quarantine guidelines to the letter, it is Javert.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

What are you giving up for Lent this year?

Apparently we were ALL forced into Lent this year, and we all gave up EVERYTHING. 

Tell us when it’s supposed to be over? It’s BEEN the 40 days, right??

RIGHT? 

Javert

[ask-vj-and-j]

M. Valjean, tell us a recent plant story s'il vous plait!

A plant story? Let me think. Oh! I recently gave Javert an air plant so that he would have something to care for. 

Valjean

I killed it with bad vibes, don’t tell him 

Javert

No, he did not. It is sitting in the kitchen window.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

Javert, do you still have to go to work? Valjean, are you worried about Javert if he still has to go out every day?

Nobody technically said MURDER was essential and YET--

Javert

Of course I am concerned for him, but the system marches on. I trust him to take the necessary precautions. Javert is very thorough.

Valjean

...Okay.

Javert

[ask-vj-and-j]

Monsieur l'inspecteur, are you aware that your boss is Big Brother? Anyway, he just dropped by to tell me that he is watching you. Both of you.

Javert does not work for Big Brother. I have seen an episode of that show and it is very alarming.

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is managing well in this time of social distancing! 

 I’ve been gardening quite a lot, baking quite a lot, and reflecting quite a lot in this time. 

 The lady in my phone is not doing a very good job helping me video call Cosette, but all things in their time. During this time, the least we can do is reach out to one another. And to you, our friends. 

 Valjean 

Backstreet’s back, alright! 

We’ll do more revivals of this damn blog than they’ve done of West Side Story. 

Javert

[ask-vj-and-j]

YES please do get married to each other... For... Tax benefit purposes?

Too late! Paperwork is my hobby and we all KNOW how paranoid Jack is. We’ve both already filed them (very) early. Besides, I don’t trust even the idea of extended deadlines. 

Javert

[ask-vj-and-j]

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is managing well in this time of social distancing! 

 I’ve been gardening quite a lot, baking quite a lot, and reflecting quite a lot in this time. 

 The lady in my phone is not doing a very good job helping me video call Cosette, but all things in their time. During this time, the least we can do is reach out to one another. And to you, our friends. 

 Valjean 

Backstreet’s back, alright! 

We’ll do more revivals of this damn blog than they’ve done of West Side Story. 

Javert

[ask-vj-and-j]

You guys answered an advice question about marriage awhile ago...would either of you ever get married?

...to...each other....? 

Valjean

[ask-vj-and-j]

If someone gave you a voucher for a free trip to the spa, would you go?

Cosette has done this. I went and got my back popped/cracked in 24,601 different places. Magnificent. 

That is uncalled for.

(Cosette has done the same for me. I don’t think the facial helped, but I’m sure it didn’t hurt, either).

Valjean & Javert