If you only had one day left on this earth, who would be the last person you wanted to see? and what would you tell them before you were gone?
If I only had one day left on this earth, Iād get an early start, even before the sun came up. Ā I rub my fingers along the steering wheel of the only car I ever bought brand new, and take it for a drive down the Pacific Coast Highway to El Matador Beach. Ā Iād perch myself, carefully, on one of the throne-like boulders that dot the shoreline, and watch my last sunrise emerge from the expansive sea. Ā Then, with my windows down, Iād drive back towards Glendale, stopping along the way to get a mango from a roadside fruit vendor whoād be setting up his stand for the day. Iād speak my very best Spanish (which is only just okay) and tip him double the price of the fruit. As I pulled up to my momās house, Iād laugh at the crack in the mailbox from a tricycle accident that we never fixed, and draw in a deep breath of the fragrant Goldcrest CypressĀ she has planted along the walkway. Weād go out for a lazy breakfast (she was never much of a cook), my treat, and I while we decided which syrup we preferred, Iād decide not to tell my mom I was leaving this world, because I always prefer her glorious smile to her wretched tears.
Afterwards, Iād head down to my office while everyone was out for lunch, and take the password off my computer, delete all the Joanna Newsom albums, and change my screensaver back to the UCLA logo. Ā Iād rename all my folders to things that would make sense to someone other than me, and print out all my unfinished research that might actually amount to something somedayāworking quickly, since Iād want to be gone before the others got back. Ā Then, Iād give each monkey a treat (giving Cecil two), and go back to my apartment. There, Iād read some of my diary, clean up a little, dust the picture of Penny and me, and play my harp one last time.
Iād cry because I wouldnāt want to die so soon. Iād cry because I hadnāt reached all my goals. Iād cry because it was my last day, and instead of being uber-productive and going down in a blaze of glory, I was sitting idly, having a pathetic pity party alone. Ā Mostly, though, I would cry because I spent a lot of time on this earth very,Ā very lonely, and finally, when I finally have people to live for, and who have brought me into their livesā¦my time would be cut short.
And in that moment I would smile. Ā Because I would realize that the memories I would take with me and the love I would leave behind meant I had not lived a life in vain.
And thatās when I would dab my eyes dry, pin my hair back, grab my purse, and take the stairs down to the parking lot for one last trip. Iād knock on his door (three times, just because) and wait for him to answer. Ā Iād know heās home, because itās Thai Night, and he is nothing if not constant. Itās one of the things I love about him.
When he opened the door, Iād look for the longing on his face that I very much hope would be there. Ā When he stepped out into the hall, surprised and confused, Iād tell him that I was sorry. That I should not have let so many weeks go by without reaching out to him. That I still love him as muchāMOREāthan I ever have. I would tell him thank you. Ā For his admiration. Ā For his loyalty. Ā For his love. Ā AndĀ that my greatest days were those I spent by his side. Ā Thenā¦
Iād tell him the truth. Ā That this was it. Ā The very last day. Ā Iād tell him because he deserves the truthā¦my truth. Iād tell him that, even though this is the end, he shouldn'tĀ be sad or afraid, but joyful, because we were lucky. Ā So, so lucky. For people like us, to find love and to love in return is justā¦the greatest thing. Through fresh tears, Iād beg him to be brave because we all have to go some time, but Iād remind him that Iām not gone yet. Ā And then Iād ask himāif heād be so kindāto love me once again, for just one more night. Ā One more time.
Enough to last for eternity.
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