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@askingpaloma
Moving On...
Hey there! It has been so wonderful to be part of the Tumblr world but due to some “growing up” things, I will be transferring all my writings and also will try to write new things at a NEW platform which is Wordpress. If you still wanna follow my unrequited love and 3 am thoughts, please make a visit at: https://askingpaloma.wordpress.com. xoxo
Shekh ma shieraki anni.
My sun and my stars.
When I was young and tempted by this world’s lustful offers and wrong choices, I only loved two things: the butterflies in my stomach and how easily my fragile heart can be broken.
Funny how life seems to never get tired of giving me shit and breaking the dreams I always make. Funnier when old people always tell me it’s all challenges I need to learn from. And surprisingly, I did.
I loved and hated a lot of boys for breaking my heart. For stealing what’s rightfully mine. For entering my system and exploring the galaxies I built. For breaking the only thing that keeps me alive. And for making me still love them till the end even if I know it’ll be the death of me. I prayed non stop to end this vicious cycle of one-sided love and hopeless cases of loving someone to death. But it never ended.
Until I met you.
You were everything I prayed to all gods. You were the heat who made my cold heart warm again. At first, I was scared. I was so scared of giving my hard earned brand new heart again because you might hurt me. I thought maybe you’ll be like them: deadly and cold. I thought I’d end up ruining myself again for love. I thought I’ll beg again for time and affection.
But I was wrong.
You taught me how to smile again over silly little things. You made me see all the things I left for the wrong ones. You’re trying to fix a girl who’s been broken for so many years without knowing what will happen or what to get in return. You taught me selfless love that I thought was a myth. You introduced the old me to the new me. You fixed, you loved, you cared, and most importantly, you accepted.
Funny how I hate guys like you. Guys who only knew how to decode the chaos of science and how math made the world this way. How Game of Thrones affect one’s life, and how Khaleesi is the bomb. I hated every bit of you. But that’s what made me love you. You’re a whole new world to me and I’d fly my magic carpet if I have one just to explore the galaxies you built inside you and if I’m lucky enough, get to see your very soul. Oh, what I would give just to feel the dust of your soul touch my skin.
You are the sun and the stars. The heaven and hell. And if you’re fire, burn me and make me yours. If you’re ice, make me cold. And whatever it is that will make me yours, do it. For I don’t know what to do anymore but love you.
You are, and always will.
the force awakens + space
love this 🌸
Ang sarap pala sa feeling noong tinawag mo akong "baby" kahit alam kong joke lang naman.
What really happened...
It's been two months since the last time i stared at your chinky eyes. I must tell you that those 90 days were hell to me. So much words left unsaid. Emotions that was never entertained. Sad songs that was never played. And love that never had a chance to be let out. It was hard actually, looking at a blank space, searching for answers to my heart's endless questions. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know what really happened. Where it went wrong. Why it never lasted. Why it sounded wrong from the very start. But then I realized.. It was my fault all along. I looked through our messages again and analyzed all of our emotions being exchanged through text. I read them again and again hoping that maybe, just maybe, you looked at me also. That you looked at me as someone to be loved. But there was nothing. There's no emotions hidden; just plain kindness and a friend's care. I never thought it would hurt again... believing that i moved on already when in fact, I really didn't. Maybe you're asking, "So where did it went wrong?" Well, it went wrong when I never looked at the things before as how they should really looked like. I looked at them as how i wanted them to be: full of hope and romantic exchanges. Full of love that never existed. A relationship that was built inside my head never knowing that it will one day kill me. It was me all along.
Bakit nga ba?
Sabi nila, if you're broken hearted, turn your tears into words. Okay nga din naman. At least, yung mga messages kong gusto kong i-send sayo, feeling na-send na. Bakit nga ba ulit ako nandito sa sitwasyon na 'to? Hindi ba dapat natuto na 'ko mula sa dinami-daming pag-ibig na naranasan 'ko? Sus. Patawarin mo na sarili mo teh, mahirap talaga mag-move on. Pero bakit nga ba? What is it with love that it is so hard to be loved back? What is it with love that feeling pain is normal and having loved back is like blue moon? Today, i just lost him. Pero naging akin nga ba? I expected so much and gained nothing in return. I thought someday, maybe he'd give it a try; to love me like how i loved his small chinky eyes. But i was wrong. He is wrong. He thought he's not worth it. He thought he's just not enough. He thinks so low about himself that after knowing all of him, i wanted to give him a hug. To let him know that i understand; i love him whatever he is today and nothing can change that. He may look so tough but i never thought he'd be this soft. It's so dark inside him that I'd trade everything so i can save him from himself. I want to save him. I wanted to let him feel that he is worth it. I'm ready to jump in the ocean full of his dark past even if there's no return. I love him, that's it. But he won't let me. Bakit nga ba?
Ano ang pinakamapait na gulay sa mundo?
AMPALAYAin ka…
Leche. Now playing: All of me by John Legend. Mas nakakaleche. Kasing pait na yata ng ampalaya yung puso ko. Kahit tanggalin mo yata yung buto ng pagmamahal ko, mapait pa din.
Why does life have to be this complicated?
Hindi ba pedeng mahalin ka din ng mahal mo? O magka-crush din sayo yung crush mo? Para di ba walang nasasaktan, walang nahihirapan.. But LIFE IS CRUEL AS FUCK.
‘Wala na rin namang thrill ang buhay kung lahat ay pantay, teh’ sabi nung kaibigan ko. Oo nga noh. Pero masakit lang kasi… Masakit na hinding-hindi ako kayang mahalin ng mahal ko. Lahat na yata ng kamalasan sa mundo, kumapit na saken.
I guess my love’s not good enough.
A room so cold and dark is where my heart belongs; a room where sun can't even reach because im scared of getting burned again.
I wonder if your heart was made to burn mine like how the sun was made to burn me.
Did it hurt you like when you sprinkled salt in my wounded heart?
But love only exist in story books but not in real life; bcos love in real life is dark and cruel.
Marriage : an intimate or close union But isn't it funny that after you get married, you'll realize he's not the one and then eventually, both of you will get divorce. Marriage these days are so unimportant. I miss the days when my grandfather told me that when he and grandma got married, divorce was not an option. They fix it in every possible way. Every fucking way. Because love before is true. And the love we're experiencing right now is plain and full of lies. People will leave us hanging unto something that is as invisible as air. We need it but we cant. People are addicted to lying and cheating because why the fuck not. They can always find another one. They can always break hearts and find another one to leave. But people nowadays find a heart to leave, they dont find a heart to love. Because love is overrated. And people crave for a love that will trend in twitter and ig. The love where your partner will die and all people will love you. They crave for fame, they'll make it look like forever exist but the truth is, you just want it to get more likes and follows. "i hope i can find someone like you" "relationship goals" then when a nice guy comes in their lives, they'll leave them hanging because they're "too nice and loving" bcos they want dickheads with 8 packs abs and will break their hearts and give them gifts at their doors. People want that- need that. They dont find true love, they find trophy love.
And the salt in my wounds isn’t burning anymore than it used to.
routines
First, you get up. Stretch your arms and legs a little. Comb your hair with your hands. Wash your face. Brush your teeth. Eat your favorite cereals and drink coffee. Go out for a jog or just read book. But no. As you wake up, you'll open your phone half asleep, browse through the messages that are not there. Because the messages that was once actually there was torn from your hands by the person you loved. Loved. And isn't it sad that while you're reading this, you reminisce everything both of you had- cuddles, kisses, date nights, and just plain laughters while both of you take a bath. But now you're just lying in your bed, fucked your life up because the person you once were was just so happy and now you dont even know how to smile. Because fuck all of them who left us hanging.
EUPHORIA
Is just a spark but it’s enough to keep me going
