w e l c o m e t o p o n y v a l e

Welcome to Pony Vale, where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and everything is ponies. Got questions? So do we! Ask us anyway. (An MLP/Welcome to Night Vale crossover blog, with my apologies to the creators of WTNV. This is a sideblog,so I can't follow back from here. :( My real blog is aflightygrim!)

[askponyvale]

Any word on the Faceless Old Mare who secretly lives in our houses?

Hold on, let me … ah! There we go! I knew we had a message from her.

Listeners, the following message is paid for by the Pony Vale Citizens for the Faceless Old Mare Who Secretly Lives in Your Home for Mayor committee.

And then it abruptly cuts off, her voice replaced by  nothing but a strangely melodic static.

Great!

Remember, Pony Vale - elections are coming up soon, and participation is mandatory.

[askponyvale]

How is Khoshekh coping with all the changes? Is he even still a cat?

He seems just as floaty as ever! I wonder how long he’ll stay here. Having a station pet is nice, but your question made me think what a surprise it must have been to poor Khoshekh to show up here in the first place, completely immobile. Do you think he’s always hovered, or did that come later in life? Maybe he even had previous owners!

He’s here now, and that’s what really counts. It counts to an inconceivably high number, far beyond mere pony comprehension. We are all held accountable by that reckoning, one way or another!

Really, though, listeners - what is a cat, anyway? Who are you to say whether Khoshekh is or isn’t a cat? I say we respect his choices and call him a cat until he tells us to call him something different.

[askponyvale]

For a month? You only seem to be an hour in the future, so I'm not quite sure what happened to the rest of that time.

Maybe it has something to do with where Intern Silky Voice went. I told her to check up on that time machine that appeared outside the station, and I haven't seen her since. I'm not sure anyone knows how long ago that was, now that I think about it.

What day is it? For that matter, what use is giving names to the days? What made ponies decide that we needed to keep track of time, instead of just experiencing it as it comes? We always have to label things, identify them - as if we can ever really be certain of anything in this impossibly vast universe we live in.

Without days and months and weeks, how would you know you had missed anything at all? Try ignoring time for a while! That should fix things right up!

[askponyvale]

how is John Peters, you know, the farmer doing?

You know, I can’t recall seeing him recently!

Maybe he’s turned invisible, just like his corn and his cutie mark …?

Oh, what's this? Intern Red Saddle's just brought me a message.

Listeners, if anyone knows anything about John Peters - you know, the farmer - ‘s whereabouts, City Council would strongly advise you forget as soon as possible.

[askponyvale]

Of course you did! Everypony knows that it's time for the annual migration. But - you know, listeners, if you don't mind an editorial, I'd just like to say that Pony Vale has a real changeling problem.

Ever since Queen Chrysalis joined the city council, she just hasn't been providing the leadership our little town's changeling community so badly needs. Why, last year, without their queen ordering them to, hardly even half of our town's changelings took part in the Thanksgiving Day Dead Citizen's Impersonation Contest. Do you know how disappointed all the little colts and fillies were when they didn't see the faces of their loved ones in the parade?

Well, I do, dear listeners. Their little faces streaked with salt where tears had fallen and dried just moments before. It was heartbreaking. Simply heartbreaking!

To answer the other part of the question, you know what I think you should do? I think it's up to the citizens of Pony Vale to lend a helping hoof to their fellow ponies, even if some of those ponies are terrifying insectoid, carapaced creatures with blank eyes and holes in their legs. That's what you should do.

Provide mentorship to a swarm of young changelings. Let them imitate you, so they can learn how to participate in society as equals, not outcasts!

Besides, I bet having a whole host of loyal decoys could come in handy some day if you were ever on the run from the law! Not that you could escape the Sheriff's Secret Police, of course. But it'd buy you a little time, anyway.

[askponyvale]

Good question! I'm not sure anyone knows the actual requirements for being Mayor, not after the first one, Mayor Mare, took it upon herself to devour them so as to embody said principles forevermore - until she was taken out by a crack team of pegasi working with a vague yet menacing government agency - but! That said, I'm sure as long as you -

What's this?

Oh. Oh dear. Oh my. Well, dear listeners, ignore all of that. One of our interns has just passed along a message from the Sheriff's Secret Police. Do not, under any circumstances, run for mayor.

How silly of me! I should have known. Not just anyone can run for public office; only those ponies - and dragons! - who are truly qualified. If you met the qualifications, you would just know! And if you have to ask, you're not ready. You will never be ready. None of us are ready.

That's not to discourage you from participating in local politics, of course! You could always join the PTA. With the number of casualties recently, they've removed a lot of the barriers to entry! They say if you need any extra barriers, you can just feel free to take some from the school parking lot to add to the blockade around your home.

[askponyvale]

I think my favorite thing is that, even when all cameras are producing strange images that look less like photographs and more like hoof-drawn images, the radio never falters in bringing information to you, the implacable, insatiably curious listeners! Even when strange visions take shape in front of our eyes, at least your ears will never fail you ... right?

That's what Pony Vale Public Radio is all about. I mean, have you seen the news lately? Weird! No one wants to look at that stuff.

[askponyvale]

Speaking of Steve Carlsburg, we've got another "anonymous" letter here at the station. It says - you know what? Never mind. I don't think Steve Carlsburg even knows the meaning of the word fun. What a jerk. Can't he at least find some decent-tasting paper to write this garbage on?

Ugh.

[askponyvale]

Who let that guy in here? Ugh, he makes the whole town look bad.

[askponyvale]

Now, you didn't see anything here, of course. 

[askponyvale]

I was going to mention a new feature of our little town, before one of the hooded ponies reminded me we are not allowed to enter or even really think about it. But there is something - or should I say, some one - else new in town who's pretty great!

[askponyvale]

It's messages like these that keep me alive year after year! Dear listeners, do you think if I show this to station management, they might consider giving me a raise, on top of letting me speak with you another day?

Oh, this is just wonderful!

[since-we-last-spoke]

apparently there is a mlp Welcome to Night Vale parody too

[askponyvale]

[askponyvale]

Sometimes, everything seems terrible. Other times, everything seems ponies.

Welcome to Pony Vale.

((yes, this is a welcome to night vale pony blog. send asks. you may get answers. or you may get more questions. the only way to find out is to act.))