Do you have a mission for us?

Two of the best bounty hunters of the galaxy living together!

[askthetwohunters]

And then, Noxus started to wavedash.

[coldcredits]

Do you know how hard it is to play a gameboy with these hands?

[askthetwohunters]

I’ve broken more consoles and phones than you might think.

[coldcredits]

askthetwohunters:

I can literally become anything.

Ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ．

Ok buddy.  You sound kind of drunk. 

[askthetwohunters]

I’m fine, I haven’t drunk glass in a few hours.

[coldcredits]

askthetwohunters:

*Spire smiled, it was a perverse smile* Does the term “hentai” sound familiar?

…

Spire no.

[askthetwohunters]

I can literally become anything.

Ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ．

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

I’m not sure – wait you know what.  I totally have a thing that could let us do that.

So you know I have varied taste in partners, and sometimes that partner is horribly acidic.  Sometimes they’re literally on fire.  There is a large industry that allows people to enjoy each other on a carnal level without hurting each other.

So.

*Pats his shoulder*

It’s do-able. 

*Spire smiled, it was a perverse smile* Does the term “hentai” sound familiar?

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

Wow shrimp?  Really?  Are you being an asshole or just flirting with me, because I can’t tell.

At the end of the day we’re not human.  We’re people.  But we’re not human.  Our experiences are entirely different from the human experience. 

Both.

* Spire looked confused for a second, but then realized * Oh, yeah, we aren’t. Sometimes I forget.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

I had an entire society to teach me.  

And Spire?  Slow doesn’t mean stupid.  

Accidental deaths are pretty typical when new species meet.  Diseases spread.  Tempers flare.  Simple things like stepping on someone?  These all happen at first.  

Don’t feel bad about it.

Well, don’t continue to dwell on it.  There’s nothing we can do about the past.  And go at your own pace.  What does it matter if you’re not as rapidly firing as the shorter lived races?  Look at how fast the humans move!  I can’t keep up.

A healthy Phrygisian can live up to about 1,400 years. I’m 117 now.  I learn and I move much slower than a human.

I don’t fell bad for my past. To be honest, I’m almost proud of the mistakes I’ve made, they are part of who I am. And I do love the person I am.

I just recognice the fact that I’m flawed, because at the end of the day, everyone is.

I might not be a human, but I am human. 

* Spire smiled as he started to walk *

Let’s go get something fancy to eat, I really want to get some shrimp.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

Spire you’re not dumb.  If anything you’re perfectly average.

Do you know how long it took me to understand what’s considered “standard” manners?  Half of my life.

Phrygisians walk around naked.  Clothing is purely ornamental.  Our body language is completely different from humans’.  A nod?  Foreign to me.  Shaking hands?  Weird.  Laughing?  Feels wrong. 

Don’t ever feel stupid because something’s not intuitive to you.  

Dude, I am slow. It took me over 30 years to learn how to speak my first language; I have killed people by accident just because I couldn’t calculate my own strength. 

I’m doing fine because I have a lot of experience, I’ve been rolling the galaxy for 357 years at this point.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

Hey you can’t call me a crab.  Only I can.

Because really I’m a worm with a shell.

And if it brings you any comfort, if you lop off one of my limbs? It’ll grow back.

My brain isn’t in a localized area.

It’s kind of… spread all over.  

My only vital organ is a ball of super hot titanium with a core of plasma. I don’t even know how  I function.

If you break everything but the ball, I’mma grow back.

I’m lucky to have the most overpowered body ever, that’s the only way someone as dumb as me could live this long.

[coldcredits]

askthetwohunters:

Don’t worry about the time, Rundas is only going to last 15 more years, but she’s possibly the best friend I’ve had in this century… Don’t tell anybody I said this, but, her right arm, it’s a prothesis. 

She wasn’t wearing her suit, we got attacked, a missile exploted on my face, my head got ripped off, I fell on top of her and I just… Cut it clean, without knowing. I didn’t even have ears or eyes at the moment,  I didn’t hear if she screamed or something. When I grew a new head again, she was there, taking care of me.

She never mentions it, and I think she hates me for that. But she’s still my best friend.

You know, if I amputated my friend’s arm on accident, and said friend then went on to take care of me?  Yeah I’d consider her my best friend too. 

Also uh.

*Taps his chest*

I’m Rundas.  

And both of my arms are grade A Phrygisian crab meat. 

[askthetwohunters]

Dude, I’m the worst with names. And both of you are crabs to me. Its gonna take like 60 years for me  to learn the difference between you two.

[coldcredits]

askthetwohunters:

I don’t really know if that is possible. My “biology” is still being analyzed, noone really knows if I can actually grow more than 50 meters in diameter at all, I did that on a planet with somewhat low gravity, and still couldn’t hold it for long and move…

I think if I grow too much I could just die, maybe it would overheat my core and just, end it there. But I’m not really willing to take that risk.

Huh.  Must be strange and alienating to not know what is normal for your own body.  I don’t remember my first stages of childhood, but I was told by my Cha that I screamed for days when my chitin first started solidifying. 

Heh.

Hey.  If you need a buddy when weird shit starts happening?  You’ve got about… I dunno a thousand years left on me if I don’t get killed before that.  

We’ll see how far that takes us.

[askthetwohunters]

Don’t worry about the time, Rundas is only going to last 15 more years, but she’s possibly the best friend I’ve had in this century... Don’t tell anybody I said this, but, her right arm, it’s a prothesis. 

She wasn’t wearing her suit, we got attacked, a missile exploted on my face, my head got ripped off, I fell on top of her and I just... Cut it clean, without knowing. I didn’t even have ears or eyes at the moment,  I didn’t hear if she screamed or something. When I grew a new head again, she was there, taking care of me.

She never mentions it, and I think she hates me for that. But she’s still my best friend.

[coldcredits]

askthetwohunters:

I’ve never seen a star made out of anything heavier than iron, which is lighter than me… But I don’t think I would still be alive. My core is way cooler than a star. But as much as, I don’t know, your regular gaseous giant’s core.

But I would have to be activily eating for mileniums in order to do that… And not fall apart… I think I have a natural limit. I think I can’t be bigger than a planet.

My homeplanet might be a dead Diamont, but that hasn’t been cientifically proved.

Well, some stars are made of elements heavier than iron, but it takes more energy to continue fusion so they’re ultimately dying stars.  They just.  Burn out.

If your home planet was a diamont, do you think that’s where everyone else went?  Became starbound?  Starting their own progeny?

[askthetwohunters]

I don’t really know if that is possible. My “biology” is still being analyzed, noone really knows if I can actually grow more than 50 meters in diameter at all, I did that on a planet with somewhat low gravity, and still couldn’t hold it for long and move...

I think if I grow too much I could just die, maybe it would overheat my core and just, end it there. But I’m not really willing to take that risk.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

askthetwohunters:

I once was 50 meters in diameter, but I had to eat a lot in order to do that. Then just colapced because my structure couldn’t handle that mass and my internal heat… The radiation of my body then killed everything in a five miles radious.

Holy shit.  

Do you think… if you ate enough you’d become a star?  And still have conscious?  

I’ve never seen a star made out of anything heavier than iron, which is lighter than me... But I don’t think I would still be alive. My core is way cooler than a star. But as much as, I don’t know, your regular gaseous giant’s core.

But I would have to be activily eating for mileniums in order to do that... And not fall apart... I think I have a natural limit. I think I can’t be bigger than a planet.

My homeplanet might be a dead Diamont, but that hasn’t been cientifically proved.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

Oh so you can’t be a massive planet eating galactic power demanding tastey food or else you’ll just.  I dunno.  Eat a fucking sun.

*Sigh*

There goes my plan for our galactic domination.

I once was 50 meters in diameter, but I had to eat a lot in order to do that. Then just colapced because my structure couldn’t handle that mass and my internal heat... The radiation of my body then killed everything in a five miles radious.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

askthetwohunters:

coldcredits:

Can you talk in  your natural form?

*Spire then morphed into his Dialanche* Can you hear me?

You just heat up like that?  Wild.  Can you propel yourself? Like, in space.  How do you make yourself roll around like that?

In space? I can shoot my Magmaul for a few hours while in this form, but that wouldn’t really make me go fast. And rolling, I can actually move every little crystal that comes out of me, those are all limbs I can control perfectly, but they can’t bend, so the movement is quite violent, that’s why it seems like I’m jumping while in this form.

[askthetwohunters]

coldcredits:

Can you talk in  your natural form?

*Spire then morphed into his Dialanche* Can you hear me?

[coldcredits]

askthetwohunters:

No, I have to hear or see it to notice. I don’t even feel my own movement, so I have to calculate everymovement I make in order to make sure I’m not breaking something or someone.

That’s absolutely wild.  Do you have a sense of where your body parts are?  Like do you know your arm is hanging from your shoulder?  Or do you have to SEE it hanging to know it’s there?

[askthetwohunters]

Look, this humanoid form, I’m actually focus on mantaining it. If I get too relaxed, I’ll become a sphere, and if I just stop giving any fucks. I’ll basically become a really hot ball of glass. It’s not like with some living beings that breath without even thinking about it. Everything is manual in here.