You Are Where You Need To Be
There is this strange limbo I find myself in. To be between worlds. Knowing that there are so many amazing and beautiful things to experience, and yet, I’m feeling stuck in one place. Like a bird who knows she can fly, but is being held in the hands of a human. All she can do is watch as others soar above her screaming “This can be you! This is you! This is who you are!”
My nose is burning and tears are filling my eyes. I feel the hands holding me, as if they’re waiting for the perfect moment. Like they see that letting me go any sooner or later than the moment they hold in their heart, will surely end in disaster. All of this is really beautiful and poetic.
The hands are those of the universe and its many faceted timing system. Something so intricate and precise that I can only glimpse it for a moment. Something so vast that the only way to understand it, and witness but a portion of its beauty and greatness, is to see it from a smaller scale. The hands are the universe. The hands are my doubts and insecurities. The hands are me, and yet, there are no hands at all.
There is no logical way to comprehend this. There isn’t an explanation other than ‘you are where you need to be at this time’ and that in itself is maddening. Emotion is bubbling to the surface, but descends the moment a few tears fall. Never fully reaching the magnitude of a good cry. Something is coming up for sure. Something to be purged and transmuted; one of my most favorite spiritual tricks.
I’m thinking of the bird again. She’s blue. A pale blue, like a bluebird, and she’s watching..waiting. I can feel her longing for the sky. The bird is me, and her longing matches mine for something that is not quite solidified. It’s more of a myriad of things blending together like different paint colors after they’ve spilled. The fleeting images of what my heart desires flash through as if searching for one single thing to relieve the uncomfortable feeling that is in my body.
Then suddenly, I understand. The longing is a distraction from what the present moment has for me. An opportunity for healing. You see, the bird has a wing that is wrapped in white bandages. I couldn’t see them at first, but a subtle change of perspective allowed for a different view. The hands are holding her so that she does not hurt herself further. The hands are holding her in a place where she can be reminded of what it is she seeks, and thus reminding her what she is.
She is a bird and she can fly where she desires, but first she must take time to let her wing heal. She must take the time to trust in the hands that hold her, after all, they are only there to support her. The hands are giving her the opportunity she needs to become free, and all in good timing.
Steady tears flow down my cheeks. I am the bird and the hands are the universe. I am exactly where I need to be.
Journal entry turned short story as I documented a lesson happening moment by moment during my morning writing. I had no idea where this was going while it was happening, but I knew it was leading me somewhere. Anxiety came rushing through like wildfire, but I took a minute to address the fact that this was happening and then began to write again. The images and words flowed so freely and occurred so randomly that I couldn’t see this coming. It was a beautiful experience of purging something deep within, and transmuting the energy into creativity. I was (and absolutely still am) so grateful for this experience, and I realized...this is totally something I should share.
It is so easy to get caught up in the timing of things. We can visualize and see these desires happening for us, which makes us excited and inspired, but it can also make us impatient...especially when it seems like we’ve been waiting for forever or when you’re seeing a million people online manifest incredible things in their lives. Insecurities, doubt, and fear can make you think that you’re doing something wrong or that you should be farther along than you are. This leads to us feeling anxious and annoyed but ultimately, disconnected from our truth. We start to worry about the process and try and rush our healing when what we really need is a moment to pause, address what is happening emotionally (even if it doesn’t make sense), and allow the messages to come through.
Our emotions play a significant role in our awakening process, and give us huge clues as to what our soul is calling for. When you feel anxious, sit with that. I understand that sometimes this can seem extremely difficult to do, but we always have a choice. Even when it feels like we don’t, the choice to heal is always there. When you start to go off and have an internal dialog that tells you you’re not on track and that things will never happen for you, take a moment and ask yourself this question: what is this trying to tell me?
This is exactly what I experienced today. The anxiety came up and was distracting me from being in the present moment to see that a lesson was happening. Instead of allowing these emotions and thoughts to run away any further (which has happened many times) I decided to acknowledge them, embrace them, and allowed my heart to speak. And you know what? The lesson came through perfectly.
When I shifted my perspective to the present and checked in with my inner knowing, I saw that I wasn’t stuck at all, but rather, being given an opportunity to connect more deeply with my truth. I gained a new sense of faith and trust in the process and all that the universe has done and is continuing to do for me. I used my emotions as a tool to expand my healing, and when the lesson was realized, I cried like a baby. It felt so good.
I want you to know that in this moment you are exactly where you need to be, doing exactly what you need to be doing, and everything is happening in perfect timing. The universe is infinite and expansive, and we don’t always directly see how it is working to bring us where we need to go. When you are ready to heal emotional pain or let go of karmic bullshit, you will be supported every single time. The universe is always working with you, not against you.
If you find that you’re repeating lessons, there’s a reason why this is happening. It doesn’t make you a failure, it doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong. These things can take time. Remember that healing doesn’t happen overnight! Deeply rooted patterns can be sticky and sometimes you have to go through the lesson a couple times in order for it to fully set in and be understood. Regardless of what your fears may say, this is totally normal and part of the process!
I will end this post with some encouragement. Awakening is tough, but it’s also amazing! Give yourself credit for all the hard work you have done so far. You are totally awesome and incredibly supported. Thank you so much for letting me share my journey with you.
I would love to know how yours is going! What are some recent lessons that have given you a new perspective? What methods work best for you as your going through this process?
I’m sending so much love to you all
