Trauma Bonding: An in-depth glance at the impact and integration complex trauma has within Muu's interpersonal relationships and love languages.
Disclaimer: Even though there are numerous studies even at present, and with psychology always changing, this post will only be dealing with the five most recognized love languages and how they fair in Muu's every day life / core values.
Gift Giving: The least of all the love languages that Muu will often willingly participate on. Even with all the years that have past, he still so vividly can recall the heartbreak of watching items he both worked on and poured his love into be dismantled or discussed in a disgusted manner in his late teens / early twenties that he actively goes out of his way of letting history repeat itself as much as possible. To receive a gift from him is one of the greatest indicators that he finds one's company to be a safe haven, but know that right can and will be revoked at any time the opposite has been even slightly announced to him.
Physical Touch: Another one low on the pole until he is most certain physical and emotional harm is off the table, this one too carries with a heavy burden from the past. It is to be noted that around the time in which his name took on the label of being a predatory individual, he had both already endured and would go on to experience more trauma of the sexual nature that he had no clear cut idea of how to go about handling at an already lonesome and abandoned time in his life. Even kissing, an active of love he so wholesomely gave out at every whim of a merry heart back in the day is solemnly acted upon in his adult age.
It aids him no further that he carries the added hinderance of feeling as though both his body and his touch are grotesque. That he would perhaps injure those around him with an experience akin to being burned on the surface of their own person should he have unwisely connected their livelihoods without properly assuring such a thing was the right and available thing to do. He's never the one to make the first move in a dance of affection, and yet it is the starvation of his soul that leaves him as the last to let go.
Words of Affirmation: Unsatisfactory moments in time proved to taint this one as well over the years; however, in some twisted manner Muu would feel appreciation towards many down the line. He is not one to state 'I love you' so simply. Instead choosing to suggest such a manner of thought in a way that is very personal and unique to the individual he is professing towards. He grew to hear himself being referred to as being a flatline-- one in which that made all in his life feel so uncannily the same in terms of importance ( or a lack thereof really) that it grew to be no surprise when love turned to sour resentment and hurt across the way well down the line. Fearful of being thought as being that once more, the male is plenty guilty of applying what studying he can into ensuring his recognition of those around him are based not on what they do for him, but instead the value they bring to his life for no reason other than the admiration he holds for them as a soul within a person he's so thankful to have met.
Quality Time: There is something to be said about a young man who knows so much of being made to feel like an unsatisfactory blip in someone's life, and yet knows no bounds in wishing for greater success for his own worth time and time again. Muu is not oblivious to the fact that his fearfulness and tremendous lack of self esteem makes him not only a bore in comparison to far more exciting people to be around, but that it also comes with the added work of having not only tolerate time spent with him, but to also manage it as well. And while it can be so easy to adjust to the idea that little can be gained from settling with someone who, at most, might only exchange the words 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' to you with little else between as he resides so heavily in survival mode even in the least of threatening company, know that beneath that all he is so hopelessly ecstatic at being chosen that every little bit of nurturing that goes on within those moments will and can build up to a time well spent with the joyfully authentic version of a heart waiting to envelop you in every glimmer of love it is plenty capable of radiating. There's a worthwhile person in there underneath all the timid chatter and tears, he promises.
Acts of Service: The go to. The umpteenth 'perhaps this one will make me good enough' attempt at hopefully giving him the clearance to be loved unconditionally after many years of feeling anything but. He'll happily clean, cook, tend to, and be present at every beckon and call if it so means he'll be doing something right. At twenty five years of age, Muu holds no value to his personhood whatsoever. One can very easily acquire from him the belief that he is not on par with dirt, but rather one step below. It has become integral to his safety that he holds such strong negativity towards his existence, because any complaint in the past only drew forward more pain from those that implanted such an idea in his influential mind in the first place. Hold no hesitation in turning his acts of anxiousness back at him. Persistently inquire as to whether or not his helpfulness is rooted in genuine care for their wellbeing, or perhaps he is acting on the instinct that to do otherwise would be asking for danger to befall on his own.
This love language, in the case of Muu at least, is a trauma response. He's helpful because he's scared. He's compliant because he's already imagined enough situations for what could occur to him if he decides not to be just that. He's been beaten, neglected, abused, assaulted, and bullied for so much of his life by people that he continues to be accessible to as they do not exist within the two dimensional. These are people on the platform that I did not create-- nor can I take them away. The only thing you can really do is say the same thing maybe a hundred, thousand, or even a million times over: you are loveable and you are safe. He's not going to believe you for a long, long time. But when he does, there is a beautiful person tucked well beneath the rubble of a grieving and frightened young man that even now still lashes out at a world he strongly believes shunned him first.
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