3-3-3: Kyle's very own Spring Awakening
Blog Entry: April 19 2019 (Urdaneta, Pangasinan)
This blog contains a compilation of short stories of my life in March, the month which initiaties the spring season in other countries, along with the lessons that I understood in the SocSci modules discussed in the weeks of the said month. Give it a go!
The ghosts of the past keep on haunting me
It was March 23, two days after my mother came home from Qatar. She was an overseas worker, a nurse in a big hospital in the Middle East country. The night was still young, and everybody was doing their own thing. And then it happened.
My mother called everyone downstairs, I had no clue on what was going on for I was doing my assignment in the room — locked myself up so I wouldn’t be disturbed.
My younger brother knocked on the door.
“Kuya, baba daw lahat,” Kit asked me.
I hastily went down to see what’s up. All of my siblings were sitting on the sofa, and my mother was on a chair in front of the television. She wore a mad face. I was a bit frightened but still wore a smile to give a little bit of liveliness in the room. Everyone was quiet and staring at the floor.
“Alam niyo, dalawang araw pa lang ako rito, pero sobrang disappointed na ko sa inyo,” my mother said. She was expecting the house to be squeaky clean and tidy.
The debate about the neatness of the house was acceptable. However, things turned hell when my mother started pointing at people, asking them what had they done to the house and to their family. When it was my turn, I was calm, I wasn’t guilty of anything because I had done my job the other day, I helped her clean the whole living room and storage room for Christ’s sake. But still, she was angry.
The situation turned worse. Everyone was shouting, everyone was crying, everyone was mad and was out of their minds. My siblings and I tried to explain to her that we did everything that we could, it was just that we were busy at the time. That it hurt us, that the way she looked at us was that we were irresponsible sons and daughter for her.
“Ang masakit kasi, ‘Ma, is ‘yung ginagawa naman namin lahat, pero pakiramdam namin hindi yun enough para sa’yo,” my sister spoke, after I argued that there was something wrong with my mother’s proposition on our deeds.
But she didn’t believe it, and went to tell her story in the past.
On how her parents made her do all the work in the house. On how while she was very young, everything that the family needs to do, she did it all. On how she went to the farmlands immediately after studying in school. On how her father would punish her if she had time for herself and rest. On how she fed the pigs, cleaned their pen, cleaned herself, and then her house afterward. The hell of her life. It was definitely a circle of hell.
I tried to explain it to her, that maybe that was something that affected how she treated us on that day — but to no avail. It was obvious. It was the truth. I was crying, my siblings were crying, she was crying. She told us that she was hurt because we told her these lies, it was disgusting. It wasn’t a lie though. It was true.
In my perspective, with how she grew up, she was fixated in almost all of the stages of development. It was sad. She was my mother. But she wouldn’t listen, simply because, mother knows best and that the parents would always be right.
I went upstairs, crying, knowing that the debate wouldn’t stop unless she tried to put her ego down. I went to bed, everything seemed quiet, and fell asleep.
Intergenerational patterns
I walked in the Office of Guidance and Counselling, alone, waiting for four (4) other people in the Genogram Session. I was excited, elated, nervous, and scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen.
Fifteen minutes passed. Came Sam and Nikka. We entered Ms. Borje’s Office, everything was quiet.
“If wala pa sila by ten minutes, I’ll close the door and then let’s start,” Ms. Borje exclaimed.
Nikka hurriedly opened her phone, asked two of our remaining blockmates to walk faster.
Past ten minutes and still there were no signs of the two. Borje closed the door and started gleefully.
And then there was Renz and Carla in front of the door.
“Okay,” Ms Borje said, opening the door.
The genogram session started with everyone being kind of closed, I bet we were all scared to share a part of our family with five other people in the room. It is by the near end, though, that we realized it was definitely okay, that we’d actually benefit more in doing so rather than keeping quiet.
We learned a lot in the session, and one of these, basically, are some intergenerational traits that seem to be inherited from the treetop down to the roots of our family (us, lol, sorry for the wth metaphor).
For my family, there are three (3) traits that I seem to recognize. Three that I see is similar to each and everyone of the family: generosity, hospitality, and lack of time management.
Out of these three, obviously, one is odd one out: lack of time management. In our family, time is really - really very much neglected. Being tardy for school (and even for work) is normal. Even for dates, time is inessential. When we go out, and planned to, say go in 5pm, everyone would cram, preparing at 4:59 and leaving at 7 (???). A very negative habit which we acquired from our parents, grandparents, grand grandparents, grand grand grandparents. Recently, we try to manage time. As far as even adjusting the clock 30 minutes in advance so that we have that gap to avoid being late. It’s working, and I hope, continue to do so in the future.
The other two, on the other hand, are some of the best intergenerational traits that I have inherited. Generosity and hospitality are some of the things that I am proud to practice and have. With these trait, I believe, I am more generous and more caring to other people. It teaches me to be selfless in this world of selfish people. I just want to make libre everyday, I want guests and friends that enter my house to be full before going home. My dad and mom taught me that. They always told me “huwag mo na tanungin ang bisita kung gutom sila, magbigay ka lang ng pagkain kasi nahihiya sila”. And I think, that’s very beautiful.
There’s one solution in keeping the good traits, and removing the bad ones: PRACTICE.
To keep the good traits, generosity and hospitality, I should practice doing them frequently. And to avoid the negative one, lack of time management, I should practice being early, as well as, managing my time in bits such as having a planner, being cautious of time, et cetera, et cetera.
kayLONG: My Evolution
I remember when my family and I were eating at Mall of Asia in Tempura, just having a good time, my Mama, talking casually about me and my siblings, suddenly highlighted my childhood, “Yan si Kyle ‘pag iniiwan namin dati, iyak nang iyak.”
(‘Til now though, iyakin pa rin ako)
At that time, we just finished the module regarding Psychososcial Theory by Erik Erikson, and oof my brain started to relate my Mama’s story as to what I have learned.
According to Erik Erikson’s theory, as seen in the Figure above, in the infancy years (about 0-2 years old), children try to develop the virtue of hope, with the crisis of trust and mistrust.
Considering the story that Mama told me, I’ve probably gone crumbling down to the wrong side of the scale, ‘causing me to be distrustful even until today.
Distrustful to friends and even to family. What’s even funnier though is that my perspective with hope changes from time-to-time. I help people to go through their problems, give them “hope”. I tell my groupmates and friends, “kaya pa ‘yan”, all the time, but when it comes to myself, I quit and fall in a negative spiral when sh*t actually goes down in my life.
Moving on, which is saddening, in the next four stages, I’ve been on the wrong side of the scale, too. I have shame and doubt, I have guilt, inferiority, and I am confused to what I am and what I will be in life.
Today, I’m trying to rebuild the core values intertwined with each of those stages. It’s a struggle, but I’ll power through.
My life’s melancholic, but I’ll continue to be happy!
I’ll try my best to turn things around when I get to the next three stages.
Lezzgo!