🌎~{◞ิ ˒̫̮ ◟ิ}~🌎

🌎~~~🌎~~~🌎~It's all in the details~🌎~~~🌎~~~🌎

[atp-synthace]

Here I am, back to what seems like square one. for a while there I found out how good life could be. 

I lost her and feel like this train of progress has derailed. I’ve had to pause and reevaluate life and how to proceed. I’ve somewhat fallen apart, even lost my job because I couldn’t hock it and fucked up too much - deserved it. feel like a reject again. 

hope this all is supposed to happen and it’ll work out for the best. I have faults, I know this. I used to care about everything, a lot. sucks to not care about anything right now, but I think it’ll all come together

love is really something. its exciting, scary, but worth it despite it making you vulnerable. it’s a test. moving on righhht.. now.

[atp-synthace]

my life has been going well, it’s sort of surreal

met a girl who’s changed my life and shown me what love is, my job is awesome and shaping up to be excellent/lucrative. other factors too, just know it’s all good

don’t give up, life can be awesome. I almost forgot

[architectureofdoom]

Polder pumping station Oosterringdijk, Amsterdam, Pieter Marnette, 1925 (demolished)

[koenigsaab]

Volvo P1800 ES

[atp-synthace]

went to a show of one of my favorite bands and it was pretty cool and everything and I had more friends with me than ever before. I had 9 friends with me! I actually told everyone about them which is funny

still. going to shows like this and seeing this fun live musicians get to have touring and meeting people makes my life feel so mundane and awful. my life is so dull I hate what I’m doing and most of the few prospects I’m even capable of potentially achieving. It sucks when life isn’t really confusing anymore, but instead reality is just clear and that in itself is painful

people think I’m a weird creep or something it sucks. whenever I see all these happy well-adjusted people in one place I feel like a failure and I am. wish my brain worked how I wanted it to, and I was tall and good looking.. but who doesn’t ya know  

[pipco]

浅間山荘のイラスト | かわいいフリー素材集 いらすとや

[gifak-net]

video: Bears scared away by a 20 pound French Bulldog

[atp-synthace]

thinking about starting up a LiDAR surveying business. dad’s big on GIS for his work and my bro is big on drones. Build a bigger drone, strap on a scanner... I’ve got engineering certs I could probably handle it. LiDAR is pretty exciting tech. I used to find links to these 3d files on weird backend city gov powerpoints online then download em and put them into viewers. my dad has a bunch of 3d ARCGiS data for a significant number of aquifers in the state

what applications would I target that don’t require a million rules and permits and rules to follow. I can think of a few

[atp-synthace]

[atp-synthace]

I love talking to myself

[doyoulikevintage]

[atp-synthace]

I’ve got no choice but to live in the modern world

[atp-synthace]

had a couple students stay with us for the last 10 days. they’re from a prestigious university and it was an interesting experience. 

I talked to this one girl about a lot of things and she was incredibly thoughtful in her responses in ways I have never really been in the position to experience. I hope she didn’t feel cornered, but perhaps it’s the only way I was able to encounter a smart person like that for any real amount of time. 

We all went to this bar and it was all going swell but my friend got in hot water with the nosy bartender for some stupid shit. I engaged with some honestly innocent statements, admittedly less tactful than I would have liked in hindsight. She thought I was an asshole I think after that and we didn’t talk much again before she left. 

She was a weird person but smart, and we connected on a level I’m not used to, however one-sided it may have been. I’m overthinking it like I always do, but this is just another time I’ve fucked something up and I never forget occasions like this. Thought about making her a playlist since she knew some bands I’ve never met anyone else like, was impressed. Not because I think my taste is superior, just because it’s rare not to be alone in my interests. 

Just imagine if I was able to mutually connect with a girl. Why does it seem like a fantasy. It feels so unimaginable at this point it might as well be. A fleeting fantasy instantly doused once I remember there’s got to be something critically flawed in my person to be where I am -- but if I don’t have hope then I truly have no purpose. Goddamnit it’s all I want and it would render every little problem to irrelevant.

I find myself struggling to rationalize my own consumption of resources, and questioning everyone else’s entitlement to anything. What a caustic thought process and a tortured existence. Short thrills, hedonistic desires selfishly acquired are all that keep me going. A leach on those forced to put up with me. Are there more options than just going? I guess it depends on your circumstances, can’t help but identify one other option though

[atp-synthace]

my hair is getting so long I’m not sure if I look more like a girl or a bum

[gacougnol]

Klaus Leidorf’s Aerial Archeology

[fluffytherapy]

[themodernartists]

Neil Welliver (American, 1929-2005), New Dams in Meadow #22/80, 1984. Woodcut.