Why Acting Alpha Makes You Beta
Alpha males are confident, self motivated, leaders who effortlessly attract people and beautiful women. People feel drawn to an alpha male’s presence. It isn’t difficult to see how a beta guy would want to become alpha in order to attract more women. A lot of guys go through what I call the “overcompensation” phase in which they try too hard to act alpha often becoming overly macho bullies. This isn’t how a real alpha male is and if you fall into this common mindset women will soon be running away from you.
Alpha males are not intimidating. They are dominant. For you posers out there that bully your friends, overcompensate for your insecurities, or try to act tough you don’t know what real dominance is.
First of all, picking on the little guy makes you feel dominant. This is because you are not centered. You are off balance and need to focus on becoming aligned. An alpha male isn’t a little weak bitch either but he doesn’t project his dominance by belittling others or attempting to beta-shame others. Finding a center is important to attracting women because it won’t be long before she realizes that your macho behavior is just a cover up for your weaknesses as a man.
Whether it is being over-weight or even having a small penis, if you are insecure of something it will manifest itself. There can be consequences to this manifestation. One of which being that you treat your friends like shit and they start avoiding you. Another may be that you pick fights with guys that hit on your girlfriend because you are fearful of losing her to another guy. The list goes on but the point is that you exhibit some kind of reckless, aggressive, or awkward behavior because of your insecurities.
I was working security a while back at a bar/grill. One of the waitresses was really hot and I caught Ted (another security guard) checking her out. I walked by him making as she passed by. Ted looked at the cute waitress and asked her while referring to me, “Hey, whose arms are bigger?” She never responded and probably never heard him since she was quite busy. Later he tells me, “Hey I’m going to ask her which one of us is taller?” Let me say that this guy was taller than me and very buff but he wasn’t alpha. I’m a very skinny guy but I have a stronger character than most guys because I took time to center myself and deal with the insecurities that I had.
I end up getting repositioned to a new post but Ted still found a way to come outside and attempt to out alpha me all the while I really wasn’t reacting to him. Anyways we ending up talking and I bring up being a dating coach. His entire attitude towards me changed as he said, “Oh... Well maybe you can help me out. I need help with that.” So I play along and give him a few tips. He tries them out immediately and gets results. Now he is shocked. My value with him sky rockets. He even offers me protein shakes in exchange for coaching (meaning he didn’t have much money).
Later the pretty waitress comes up to me and starts talking (she was a bit of an attention whore) and Teddy tells me, “Hey go and get back to work,” which I effortlessly ignore as I know he felt threatened by me taking the girl he wanted since he now knew that I possessed the skills to do so. The point that I am getting to is that he was insecure about something and bad with women. I can always tell. I knew the second he asked waitress which one of us had larger arms that he was terrible with women. This is a form of alpha game in which you try and tool the other guy. The problem with this type of game is that it is overcompensating and it isn’t authentic alpha male behavior because that is not how alphas act.
Look at the prime minister of Russia if you want to see what a real alpha male looks like. This guy would not have been behaving like Ted was if he was in the same situation. Ted was behaving the way he was because he was not centered. He felt that he needed to lift himself up and use me as a stepping stool. Good thing for him that the waitress ignored him because had she not have I would have made him look like an idiot because alpha game is inferior to my real game. I would have lowered his perceived value (beta shaming him) by exposing his lack of social intelligence and exploiting his insecurities. When a guy tries to out alpha you this is always from a place of inferiority. Outside he acts alpha but inside he is more beta than you think. All I had to do really is girl code to the waitress when he made his stupid statement. To girl code you look at the waitress with an expression like “...this guy is creepy. I can’t believe he just said that,” and you will have just preloaded in her mind that what he did was socially awkward. She won’t want to be with a guy with low social intelligence. He is lucky if she friend zones him.
Next to disarm this pseudo-alpha guy is to hijack the thread. If Ted had the chance to ask the waitress “Who is taller?” then I would have countered with “Hey I a wonder why he isn’t asking whose dick is bigger. All of the steroids he is taking must have made is cock small.” Usually they will start qualifying themselves (an unattractive low value approval seeking behavior) with “No! It’s big.” You could literally stop right there if you wanted and let the job finish itself as women will be repelled by this behavior since he is trying too hard but why not finish the job?
Gaining leverage of the group (social leadership) will always work in your favor. Get the girl(s) to gang up on the alpha wannabe. You already know his weakness. He is insecure about how women view him and likely believes that his penis isn’t big enough. But instead of ask “Hey, how do you feel about guys with little cocks?”, ask the girl(s), “How do you feel about guys that work too hard for you... It’s creepy right?” Make sure hears it. You have just preloaded in each girl’s mind that the guy is trying too hard. Many men try harder and harder to succeed with women the more they fail so you have just miscalibrated his game and he won’t know why while also communicating to the women that I understand attraction since I know how creepy it can be. It shows that you have value with women since you are knowledgeable of their secret world. Even if he doesn’t try anymore out of fear of looking desperate, the alpha guy won’t know how to run passive game right and will already have low social value with the women. In other words, his ass is done son!
If this guy sounds like you then you really need to work on finding your center. Alpha males have choice with women so they don’t need to seek women’s approval by trying to appear stronger than other guys. Alpha game will never produce the kind of results that good game can. I illustrated above how you can use social pressure to lower his status and exploit his fake alpha demeanor. If you leverage the pressure of the group it won’t be awkward to catch the women beta shaming the other guy and nothing sucks more than being beta shamed.
With all of the other bullshit aside, acting alpha is beta. Ted wasn’t alpha at all. It is all an act. He is trying to look alpha. Notice the emphasis on “trying”. Alpha males are not following steps to being alpha, trying to beta other guys, or faking their dominance. If you want to be a part of the top 3% of guys that attract women effortlessly then avoid acting alpha.
So how do you become alpha? You work on you. You develop positive beliefs about yourself and life. You focus on your goals. This is actually one of my secrets. Testosterone influences a man to become goal oriented. Is it too forward to assume that focusing on your life goals raises your testosterone which in turn gives you are more dominant frame. Learn to calibrate this by finding a center in which you aren’t overly macho but you don’t take shit from anyone either and you will have found your center in terms of aggression vs. timidness. Being timid and not being able to protect your woman will lower her respect for you and thus her attraction. She cannot love you if she doesn’t respect you. But being too macho is also bad because this comes with more problems than it solves. I used to talked to a girl that complained to me that guys were either too macho or too weak. Find your center and women will adore you for it.
Alpha males have this center. This is why women are drawn to them. The mistake a lot of women make is that they choose the macho guys because they mistake this behavior for strength. A strong man has a strong mindset and strong beliefs. Big muscles and aggressive will never substitute the power of a strong and centered character.
Indifference is another alpha male behavior that you want to establish. This is born in your beliefs and projected through a carefree attitude. When you are indifferent you are prepared to walk away whenever a woman pushes you too far. You have guys out there chasing women down that they just found out cheated on them. They are desperate. On the other side of the scale you have men who are disconnected and a little too aloof. This is also off center. Indifference is wanting someone and you are happy keeping them but you are just as happy without them and you are willing to walk away at any time if your boundaries are crossed. Indifference is the balance between neediness and disconnection. When you are indifferent you see yourself as the prize. You hold the mindset that the woman is the one missing out if she dumps you. Being able to walk away is a powerful male trait. It doesn’t mean that you walk away every time a woman pisses you off but that you are controlled and can walk away if she pushes you too far or tests you too much. Learn to treat women with indifference and you won’t be chasing them away with your over-eagerness.
Pseudo-alpha males don’t see this balance. They just go for the mach side of the scale. In their minds, more is alpha. With attraction quantity affects quality. You have to have just enough. Purposefulness is another trait that illustrates how not having a centered can kill attraction. Macho guys act too purposeful. They plow and plow through sets because they are attached to an outcome. They act too aggressive and don’t back down when the woman pulls away. The more she pulls away the more they try to plow forward. One thing that I had to learn was the difference between plowing and chasing.
Chasing is trying to convince someone to like you whereas plowing is sticking around long enough for them to finally realize it. Being too purposeful makes you look needy. On the other end of the spectrum, not having any purpose or showing any intent leads to being friend zoned. A common scenario that illustrates this is when a guy doesn’t escalate. Let’s say he wasn’t clear in his intent but he got the number anyway (at least some intent) but now he is texting and texting with no purpose behind it. He texts her trying to get to know her and never moving things forward to a date. He is too available and too interested (not to mention he has killed the mystery). Overall, he didn’t move things forward and talked the woman out of liking him. Being purposeful means being detached from an outcome but also being process oriented. This is your center. When you are purposeful you appear confident and non-needy. So lose the agenda when meeting and focus on having a good time and enjoying life instead. Move things forward when you have attraction and you will get better attract women.
Alpha males are controlled. They don't get knocked off balance when a dating coach talks to a girl they like. Non-reactivity is an attractive stereotypical masculine trait. Being controlled instead of panicking in a situation in which you must take charge will give you a lot of points with women. This is emotional numbness versus emotional chaos. You don't’t want to act like the guy that has no emotion but rather the guy that is in control of his emotions. When things get real he is calm but takes charge as a leader.
Finally, alpha males are confident. I mentioned this already but what is confidence really. The fake alpha guy thinks confidence is the same as cockiness. I used to struggle with this myself. Having an air of arrogance is never attractive but believing that you will succeed because of previous wins while understanding that failure isn’t impossible but still believing that you will succeed is confidence. It is very alpha to have confidence when you are like a the brick house in the story about the big bad wolf and three little pigs. The world can huff and puff and may even budge you a bit but it can never knock you down. One of the strongest mindsets you can take into an interaction with a woman is a sense of entitlement. If you are not confident then you won't feel entitled to a beautiful woman.
Stop trying to be alpha. Stop trying to follow steps to become alpha. Alpha males aren’t thinking how to be alpha. Only beta guys want and try to be alpha. Be yourself and work on being a better man. Focus on your goals. Stand up for yourself with anyone who oversteps your boundaries including women. Don’t start shit and don't take shit either. Be a man. Handle your business. Take charge and lead others. Don’t be afraid to express your own thoughts and opinions. Respect those who respect you. Don’t seek the approval of others but own up to your mistakes. Stop lying and manipulating others and start building trust and stepping up to the play. Be purposeful and confident instead of a little permission-seeking permissive bitch without creeping people out and being aware of a woman’s limits. Being alpha is a mindset and a set of beliefs that manifest in your behavior and physiology. It isn’t an overcompensating act of aggression or bullying.