“Last 10 days of nothing”
is all about how I had the typical schedule of waking up, cleaning the stuff I have, rolling it or filling it was up to individual’s preferences. In all that what I was seeking were the answers to some of the unresolved questions of my conscience.
The feeling of detaching myself from the surrounding was so peaceful that I could have heard my thoughts as clearly as if I am living every moment that I was thinking about right at that instant and introspecting as if I have been assigned a job to observe someone and come out with a rational behavioral analysis of that individual.
In past, only time I was giving this thought of improving myself was at the place I used to go often to score, though the purpose of visit was different each time. Sometimes it was just 1 min stay (By now you might be knowing what was it for) :) and at other times it was hours I spent there talking to mitro, my bro. Not mentioning him is something that would leave this note unfinished as I think the times when I wasn't able to see anything in me, that guy made me look at better version of it. And now, when a different time, a different phase of my life is about to begin, I owe him this feeling of determination that I am taking away with me from this place.
In these 10 days, I think I have met many people, more than I have had met in past half an year or so. Everyone filled the voids in my “Reality-illusion spectrum”. The serious thoughts I gave in past to all this did not help me as much as having a conversation with a friend sitting by me did. I realised that we give so much of our attention to ongoing events like how did it screw up, how can I achieve that etc etc. But in reality, its just a microscopic version of a bigger picture that life shines upon us. It can be the case that the mistakes we do occasionally is replicating itself at different times in different situations.
For me it was the issue of "not" finishing what I used to start. And when I was struggling with the thoughts of why things are not getting any better, I saw entire timeline of my life straight up on the wall of my “cloudy” room. It was all there in front of me, the initiating point of this long ongoing process and how this one spark continued and turned into a fire that burnt the vision of looking beyond the horizon.
We all talk to our “friends” often about the issues we are facing and many of these times we know the answer within ourselves but being human we have got this tendency of listening same thing from the person sitting next to us. But the moment that particular part of conversation comes out of his/ her mouth, we are trapped with this feeling of “I knew it all along” subconsciously. And the essence of that thought goes down the drain just like all the previous times we tried to talk about it.
All this time I used to say this person is my well-wisher, that person is my well-wisher, but I think never considered them to be one in these particular “instances” I am talking about. But, the day I started paying attention to what the other is “actually” saying, without keeping any preconceived notion, it all worked out just fine. The thoughts became just as clear as the sky becomes after first rain of autumn. And the horizon is shifting from being the end point of my vision for myself, to the point of initiation, in front of which all the future lies, the future that is yet to be written, the future that would become my past eventually. The past I would cherish, the past where I would remember this instance at the “New point of initiation” of a better vision.
A better me..!
For now, Adios fellas..!
You know where I will be. :)
"Thanks for reading till the end."