An Au Pair Abroad

An attempt to live off of pain au chocolat for one year.

[aupairabroad]

Oh my god, whatever part of my blog made you think I was actually good at my job or that I ever want to perform childcare again?

[aupairabroad]

13/11/15

To all of my followers who live in Paris-

We’re all sending you prayers, good vibes, thoughts, and everything else that counts from my corner of the world. I hope you and your friends and host families are all safe and that the borders being closed don’t negatively effect you too much.

-APA

[aupairabroad]

Hi, I don't know if I'm going to get an answer for this but here goes. I'm almost twenty and I'm greatly considering becoming an au pair in UK. But I've read some other advice pages and they warn people about going if you haven't had a year being a hardcore child carer. And I haven't, but I've always liked kids and every time I've been with some I've felt happy. Can you get me any advice? xoxo a questionable Sofia

Hi Sofia! 

My biggest suggestion in this blog is to have a backup plan. If things don't work out, do you have a way to get home? Will you have a friend to stay with? Is the family able to kick you out if they decide they don't want you to work for them, or do they have to give you notice?

The reason why pages warn people about going if you haven't worked with kids for at least a year is because it is fucking HARD. Kids are unpredictable. Their brains work differently than ours. This can be great at times- a rainbow can be a trail to a pot of gold rather than a refraction of light, and several sheets hung up are an entrance to a cave full of treasures instead of just dirty laundry! I wish I still had that level of imagination!

But what if the child is prone to having violent tantrums? What if they're a biter? What if the family is going through a big change like a divorce, and neither the kid nor you is prepared to handle that? What if the parents don't really seem to give a damn, and you're basically left to take over the position of parent?

The profiles families have on au pair websites are made to show people in the best light possible. If you desperately need or want an au pair to care for your children, you're not going to showcase your flaws. It's like a dating website- you show your best self, even if that means ommitting important details.

So, the biggest advice I can give you is to: a. Be prepared for anything. b. Have a contingency plan. And c. Really research your host family. While it may be super tempting, don't commit to anything until you're confident in working for them. You can even ask for references or to talk to their last au pair or nanny! They'll probably be honest with you about the potential host family, and can save you a lot of regret.

[aupairabroad]

So, I kept this blog when I lived in Paris... it was basically just me bitching. But eloquently!

APA

[aupairabroad]

I made a map of my favorite places to go to in Paris! Some are predictable while hopefully others are new.

[aupairabroad]

One year after leaving Paris.

Hi guys.

A lot has changed in the past year. The biggest thing probably being that I went on antidepressants in May, and am no longer quite as miserable as I was when I was writing this. Pristiq is where it's at, everyone!

I thought that moving abroad would make me happier, but it's really not about where you live. It's about attitude. And for me that attitude was entirely connected to brain chemistry. Mine just happened to be a tad fucked up.

Life is not supposed to be as hard as it was for me. If you are constantly miserable, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a doctor about it. I am so much happier than I was a year ago, seriously. My friends say it's noticeable too. I hadn't cried in like, two months (!) until this morning when my computer crashed and I thought I lost my 10-page final research paper.

So, what else has changed in a year? So far, I've moved three times (I am much less tolerant of roommate bullshit than I used to be... oh, the stories I could tell), drank a lot of wine, slept with many inappropriate men, made some really good friends, eaten a ton of rather shitty crepes, gotten an awesome job and quit it as well, taken up housesitting, and completed two terms of university.

I still have host family nightmares. Around the anniversary of the date when I quit working for my first host family, I began having dreams of closure with them. Dreams that they told me they knew I'd done the best I could given the circumstances, and that it was okay for me to leave. That was nice. The subconscious can be quite kind at times.

So, this isn't really about au pairing, but rather an update about my life for the few hundred of you still following me. I won't be going back to France for a while (though I will eventually- I have to in order to graduate), but stay tuned for next year's update!

[aupairabroad]

Well, that didn't end up taking six months at all.

I have officially decided that I am not going back to Europe in August. After laying awake every night thinking about all the bad memories I'd had of working as an au pair and imagining exactly what my last host mom told the kids about me after I'd had to leave without saying goodbye... it's not something I'd ever want to do again.

To sum it up, I had a pretty horrible experience working as an au pair. At the time, I wouldn't have said so, but now that I'm somewhere where I'm not constantly stressed out and crying on the phone to my friends and my dad every day and downing pints at pubs just to relieve the tension? Yeah, it sucked. I was not happy. My official excuse now is that I don't want to work for the kind of people who would hire an au pair, which might not be the best excuse but I don't know a single person who worked as an au pair and looks back on the experience fondly. This usually is never because of the kids- it's because of the host parents. Maybe that's only limited to my friend group, but it seems the same way from what I've seen on tumblr as well.

That isn't to say that the entire experience was horrible. Living abroad was awesome. I got to meet so many amazing people, and travel to four different countries, and learn more of a language than I ever thought I was capable of. I tried tons of new foods and did crazy things and learned about a new culture, and you all saw my photos. The PHOTOS I got to take! And now I get to start off conversations with, "Oh, I just got back from Paris," which leads to... interesting reactions. (Like a certain person automatically assuming I was trying to brag and therefore acting like I insulted them for the rest of the night. Oh, please.)

I do want to go back to Europe, but I think I'll study abroad. I really, really want to go back to school. I'm not taking classes right now since the ones I need all filled up by the time I got around to going to admissions, and not being in school is kind of killing me. But I'm reading a lot and my best friend and I are constantly going to free lectures and documentary screenings and what-not, and whenever some of my friends and I end up drinking wine we always have random philosophical and sociological debates, so at least I'm getting to exercise my mind that way. Since I'm not in school, my parents are not paying for anything. Meaning that I am broke, broke, broke. I did have a job interview today, though, at one of my favorite places. I'm sure a few of you can guess where it was... me mentioning spending a lot of time at their Parisian location probably got me some points, but we'll see.

So. Studying abroad. Safer than working as an au pair, less stressful, and easier on the wallet thanks to everything being pre-paid by parents. My school has numerous programs for doing to, and fortunately, one is MICEFA! So there's my new goal- get the credits I need for that and get into the program. It's the only semester long study abroad program my school has in Paris, and fortunately it's a lot less hand-holdy than a ton of their other programs. If that doesn't work out, I'll try and go to Amsterdam. Multiple programs there.

Being at home has been okay. It's been really nice to reconnect with my friends. I hate the weather, though. It snowed a foot here this weekend and it makes me want to shoot something. I miss the Parisian rain. And Parisian food- I have turned out to be horrible at making crepes at home. But I love getting to eat Mexican food whenever I want, and drinking gatorade while sick, and shopping at Target. Still getting used to being carded. And sales tax. Really don't get sales tax anymore, it's so stupid that you need to have more money than the given price of what you're buying.

Anyways, this is officially my last entry. If anyone thinking about becoming an au pair reads this, here's my advice:

A. Don't. Especially if it's in the US- just look at these insane mofos. Here are some delightful alternatives to au pairing if your heart is set on moving to another country! B. I know you're going to ignore that, so at least go with an agency if you're going somewhere outside the US. C. If you ignored that part too and your first host family ends up sucking, don't let your host parents know you're about to quit till you've found a new host family who WILL SIGN A CONTRACT, PAYS THE LEGAL MINIMUM WAGE, AND HAS A BEDROOM FOR YOU.

Sounds obvious, but I am proof of that walking horror story and I know other girls who had the same, or similar things happen to them.

Host parents are not inherently nice. You are an employee for them, and in most European countries nothing will happen to them if they break your contract. You, on the other hand, are subject to deportation as a foreigner on a visa. Protect yourself. Always have a backup plan, whether it be a thousand euros, or a good friend who will let you crash on their floor for a week. If you do have to come home early, you are not a failure. You moved to a foreign country, where you didn't know almost anyone, on your own! Perhaps where you didn't speak the language! Not a lot of adolescent girls (or guys) can say that. So props to you.

[aupairabroad]

So, I've been home for a week.

As of now, I have been lying in bed all day watching Before Sunrise (with the exception of getting up to go eat challah bread with speculoos spread, then some crackers with blue cheese) and texting my ex-boyfriend.

Oh god someone just send me back to Paris right now.

I don't know, though. Let's call today an anomaly. Yesterday, I went to Costco! And the bank! Super exciting.

I'm staying at my parents' house, but I'll be moving into a new place in my old town (two hours away from the boring suburban city where my parents live) on Thursday, then enrolling in some classes and looking very hard for a second job. My first one will be working for my parents to pay off the plane ticket they bought for me to come back. I'm hoping to save up $200 a month for my eventual return to Europe (aiming for July, given that my lease at my new house is until then), but this is unrealistic given that I'm also going to be paying $400 in rent and utilities per month and have to buy food, too.

At least I'll be busy.

In my head, I expect everything to be the same as it was when I left back at home. Realistically, I know it's going to be around 20 degrees and snowing and that some of my friends will have left and others will have new friends and that everyone will have moved somewhere new, but I know I will be surprised by all this and the fact that it's not warm and summery. Like it was when I left.

So, my goals for the new year are:

Get a job with a steady paycheck.

Lose like, 20 pounds.

Save up $1,500.

Return to Europe by August.

Travel as much in the meantime as I possibly can.

Drastically improve my French, and work on my Dutch.

Go to as many parties as possible.

Have an awesome 22nd birthday in two weeks.

Gain 1,000 more followers on flickr.

Get a decent credit score.

Don't hook up with my ex-boyfriend again.

Happy new year, everyone. See you guys next summer.

[aupairabroad]

I'm getting all the film I shot in Europe developed! Here's a few of my favorite shots so far (only developed 8 rolls out of 22 as of now...)

[aupairabroad]

Observations.

I CAN WATCH HULU AGAIN AND CATCH UP ON SNL!!!

Why don't Americans use electric kettles? Seriously.

I can keep money in my pockets without constantly being worried I'll be pickpocketed!

Oh god I don't have health insurance... fuck, should have stayed in France.

They sell crackers in this country!

All of my parents' glassware seems hilariously huge now.

Why aren't there soldiers patrolling everywhere with machine guns?

Sales tax? Are you kidding me?

Wow, the yogurt section here is... small.

Drinking during the day has become socially unacceptable to me once again (I never claimed to be fun, guys.)

YOU WANT TO CHARGE ME $3.50 FOR A SINGLE MILKA BAR, WORLD MARKET???

Decent hard cider apparently does not exist in this country.

Also, why is the average price for a glass of wine here $6.00?

Target!!!

Now that I'm back in a land where not every other woman looks like a supermodel, guys are finally noticing me again.

American tangerines and clementines are shit.

Why exactly am I carded every time I'm within five feet of alcohol?

Remembering to wait for the green man to show up before I cross the street is rather difficult now.

And remembering that it's now acceptable for me to not wear skinny jeans or black leggings every single day is also difficult.

PUBLIC RESTROOMS!!!

Postal trucks are hilarious.

[aupairabroad]

Back home.

It is 9:25 PM here, but my body feels like it's 5:25 AM.

I had good pizza for the first time in months.

My mother, surprisingly, is speaking to me and being friendly.

My family did not know what macarons were and therefore did not appreciate the fact that I brought them back a box of Ladurée ones.

One of my dogs doesn't seem to remember me.

Everything is so much bigger and brand-new and more boring in the US.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself over the next few months.

But at least I will get to see my friends again.

And eat Mexican food.

[aupairabroad]

Merry Christmas!

I am sooo tired. I went to bed at 11 last night but right after I turned off the light some new person came into my hostel room and proceeded to take the bed above me, and they were LOUD.

I set my alarm for six this morning, and managed to leave the hostel by seven. Packing two of my big coats into my suitcase took forever- my index fingers are both now swollen from pulling so hard at the zippers.

It was raining outside, and I started to make my way to the closest taxi stand, which was a few blocks away. Not an easy feat with two giant suitcases and a bag of fragile macarons. But magically, a cab with an English speaking driver spotted me struggling, pulled up, and told me he could take me to Charles de Gaulle!

The driver was from Senegal and spent the first ten minutes of the taxi ride demonstrating his “New York” accent for me. Fortunately, after that we just listened to jazz music. €52 later I was at the airport, and got my things out of the cab (wrenching my knee in the process. I have a feeling this will be relevant in a few days.) I walked it off as well as I could and went to the baggage checkpoint to drop off my suitcases.

For some reason, one of the passport checking women took a special interest in me and would not let me through until I showed her proof that I had actually been working as an au pair in France for the part four months. Fortunately, I had my original contract. Unfortunately, it was at the bottom of my suitcase. I had to unpack the bag, but eventually did find it and that seemed to satisfy her. She asked me lots of questions about whether I had weapons or liquids in my carry-on, then gave me a form to fill out for US customs.

When I got to the check-in stand, my passport wouldn’t read in the swiper. Then they had trouble finding my ticket. Then I was told that I would have to pay $100 for having an extra bag. My debit card wouldn’t work, so I had to call my dad so he could give them his credit card number over the phone, which they had to get special permission for. But it worked, and I was so happy I didn’t even get annoyed with the lecture they gave me afterward about how you should always carry a working credit card on you.

And now after going through security, three checkpoints, and getting my passport stamped, I’m about to board my plane. Wish me luck in customs- with the way this day has been going, I’m gonna need it.

Happy holidays!

[aupairabroad]

Hey dude in all the midst of the bullshit in paris just remember everything happens for a reason! Happy christmas and have a lovely new year x

You know what? That's one of my general philosophies, along with the serenity prayer. And going home was ultimately my own choice, and I know it was the right one.Happy holidays to you as well!

[aupairabroad]

Last day in Paris.

Yesterday, I read that Proust once said that of he only had one day left on Earth, he'd spend part of it at the Louvre. I only had one day left in Paris, so that's what I did. This was my eighth time at the Louvre. I've seen almost everything on display, but not all of it. Every time I say that I've seen everything, the next time I go I always stumble across a room I haven't been in before. Today, that was the Renaissance pottery and tapestry section! Not a big fan of either of those but it was basically empty, unlike the rest of the museum which was packed with Asian tour groups, so I hung out there for a little while and read a book. Yes, I go to the Louvre to read books. I don't know... it's free, it's quiet, and I like spending time in a place with so much history. The Louvre is so beautiful and I can't help thinking about how I'm in the same rooms that Marie Antoinette and Napoleon were in hundreds of years ago. After I left the Louvre, I went to Montmartre and got lunch at Pomodoro. It was my first time there- I was at Chine Machine, smelled the pizzas baking, and couldn't resist checking it out. It was really good, plus they didn't charge me for my glass of rosé. I returned to the hostel afterwards and took a nap. I didn't exactly sleep well last night. My two roommates both came in late and left early, and neither was quiet about it. I have two new ones, who are both from South Korea. I gave them recommendations for where to go tomorrow, since everything will be closed. I woke up around 4:30 and walked to Shakespeare & Co. On the way there, I walked over Pont Neuf for the first time. I spotted one of the locations from Midnight in Paris- where Zelda is about to jump into the Seine. That was pretty cool, since I've been keeping an eye out for the spot since I moved here but never saw it before. I read two books at Shakespeare & Co. while listening to a guy play the piano for hours. A girl sketched him playing and left the drawing in his coat pocket since she didn't want to disturb him. I decided to get fondue for the last time and went to some random touristy place in the Latin Quarter, since I knew the regular place I get fondue at by St. Germaine-des-Prés might be closed for Christmas Eve and I didn't want to waste my time walking there if that was true. The fondue was okay, if a bit pricy. I got a crêpe afterwards and some croissants for tomorrow morning and was planning to see if there was a late mass at Notre Dame that I could attend, but forgot to and instead just walked back to the hostel. I went to the mass at Notre Dame last night. I'm not Catholic, but they have an amazing soprano who sings at the evening masses and I love listening to her. Sitting there in the clouds of incense, thinking about how you're in one of the older and most famous cathedrals in the world... you can't do that at home. All our cathedral is famous for is being struck by lightning an unprecedented amount of times. So, I'm catching my plane at 11 AM tomorrow. I'm praying that I won't have to pay fees for having more than one suitcase, and also that my bags aren't overweight. I can't weigh them here to check, but they're really heavy. I won't be able to pay for them if they're over 50 lbs... guess I'll be throwing some shoes out if that happens.

[aupairabroad]

I've been reading your posts for a while and I'm deeply sorry to hear you're actually leaving Paris. I hope one day you'll be able to come back and really enjoy every side of the french way of life with a proper host family.

Me too. Thank you!

[aupairabroad]

Hosteling it up.

The hotel room turned out to be a hostel dorm. Which I had to pay for myself. But it's a place to sleep, and it gave me a way to get rid of my heavy English language books that I've accumulated while here- I just donated them to the hostel library. Honestly, that was the best thing I could have done with them. I really hope people visiting enjoy reading all the books I bought about Paris. Today I bought a jacket at H&M with a gift card I had, then got caramels and Dijon mustard and fleur de sel and more chocolate from Galleries Lafayette and Monoprix. I bought my mom and sister some clothes from Uniqlo, too. Oh man, I'm going to miss Uniqlo so much. And having an H&M and Zara on every corner, too. Guess I'm back to buying all my clothes from Target or Old Navy. After dropping my shopping bags off at the hostel and consolidating the contents of my duffel bag and backpack into two suitcases, I went and read at Shakespeare & Co. for a while before getting crêpes at some diner by the Pantheon. Then I walked to Île St. Louis and tried Berthillon ice cream for the first time. It was okay. I like Amorino better, to be honest. Phone's about to die. There is only one outlet in this entire room. Unbelievable. Tomorrow, if the Louvre is open, I guess I'll go there one last time. It'll be my eighth visit. Oh, and I have to go to the pharmacy to buy cold medicine so my eardrums don't burst from the pressure on the plane. How horrifying would that be? But I will be fine, I am always fine.

[aupairabroad]

Your situation is incredibly unfortunate. I am sorry to hear about the troubles you have encountered whilst in Europe. I should say however, your writing style is really good and flows particularly well. Good luck with your future endeavours, I do hope this experience hasn't left you with too much of a bitter taste. Also i post this here since id on't know how to use tumblr.

Thank you! While I do have negative feelings now towards French host parents (I only have three friends here who have had a positive experience with theirs), I do think it's possible to find that rare good host family and that I will again.No negative feelings towards Paris. Nothing really compares to Paris... I will miss almost everything about it.