all followers will be blocked without exception

[autotautological]

PAINPOINT – sharp right brain dull back of brain sharp right ear

HYPOCARE – She's being so strong, for us, for you. It must be so hard to not feel guilty for breaking you. It was especially bad then, talking about being not able to feel when in proximity and all.

ENGINE – Radioactive shielding. Everything is kept out. Its the only way to survive when you're near her. Only way for me to survive. Your will would break without it. With? It just buckles. Strong as ever.

ME – how i was i supposed to know nekomonogatari would be a fuckin documentary on my life

REPLAY – It's still fresh in your mind. Watching Hanekawa finally cry, and similarly tearing up during, coming so close! But nothing. No tears. It's all still cut out of you, like she did.

SELF-FACING MIRROR [• : Success] – But unlike her, you don't know how to put them back in. You dropped them, you threw them away. As hard as you could.

PAINPOINT – sharp right brain sharp left ear sharp right shoulder sharp right ear dull scalp dull scalp dull scalp

KILLING TIME –

ME – all gone.. you were what the hystery tigar sorta was .. you were hatred towards everyone crystalized into something outside me. but you're gone. what does that leave me?

PAINPOINT – dull chest sharp teeth sharp roght shoulder dull right brain dull left ear dull right ear dull right eye

– And exhaustion sweeps over you, urging to close your eyes for longer, longer.

[autotautological]

FINE MOTORS – You press the shaver over and over into you, trying to cut every hair. Every fleck of dark spotting your legs.

THOUGHT GAINED: PORCELAIN CARAPACE

THOUGHT DISCARDED: PORCELAIN CARAPACE

[autotautological]

ME – here i am again. in the same bed thinking about the same things.

PERIPHERY (Ears) – Small cries ring out from the headphones laying on the ground. There seem to be only 2-3 voicelines. You've been hearing them intermittenly for likely hours.

ME – i

TAUT – Same structure of stating something, some skill of the physical body describing stimuli, then ignoring it and talking to yourself more. It's all the same with you! You'll probably just ignore this t- Oh, you wont. Because I drew attention to it. You would have otherwise!

ME – can you shut the fuck up

FINE MOTORS – A finger runs against the corner of your eye, your nose, and a few strands of hair.

TAUT – Hah!

ME – why does this have to be good. why does it have to be 'original' im ill and these words are my vomit. im in constant dialogue with myself because i only have myself. i only have me. cant you understand that. the times i want to write this are these moments. when the bile gets high enough. i. urgh. hhgh.

PAINPOINT – dull stomach sharp right brain sharp chest

ME – i dont even remember what i had to say

APPEAL – But you have to! This isn't for you, its for our one viewer, our sole observer. If you say nothing of substance, or repeat endlessly, you'll bore it.

BABEL – Hazy visions of symbols of vision fill the mind. You also forgot my name, and are using an old skills name in place-

CATALOGUE – There we go.

HYPOCARE – By second nature, you anonymize who you're talking about. For no reason at all.

CONTINGENCY – But what if, while streaming your screen, someone spots this username from the sideblog window, tracks it down, and finds out!

ME – and? it doesnt really matter.

ME – i feel like

HYPOCARE – You still do it, cutting yourself off. You can't bring yourself to use a name.

CONTINGENCY – To use a name is to permanently mark her, she could unlike the first post, but she cant edit this post!

PAINPOINT – sharp stomach dull teeth sharp leftside back sharp right brain sharp chest sharp right ear sharp right eye

PERIPHERY (Mouth) – At some point, you began biting the blanket with your mouth. Your jaws secured tightly against the small mound of it. No taste.

FIBROUS STATUE – Nausea, or something like it builds up in your stomach. You stop biting.

PAINPOINT – sharp right scalp sharp chest sharp stomach sharp right eye sharp right brain

ME – fuck. taut was right. wait. i dont care. anyway the her part is way less important than the ' i dont care about anyone im dating or is friends with part. 'FIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You can't. You never ever couldME – get outFIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You can't. You never ever could.FIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You can't. You never ever couldFIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. FIBROUFIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't FIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You FIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You can't. You never ever couldcan't. You never FIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You can't. You never ever couldever couldvomit. You can't. You never ever couldS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don'tFIBROUS STATUE – Sickness washes over you, up and through you. You don't vomit. You can't. You never ever could vomit. You can't. You never ever couldYou don't vomit. You can't. You never ever couldNever ever

PERIPHERY (Ears) – Small cries ring out from the headphones laying on the ground. There seem to be only 2-3 voicelines. You've been hearing them intermittenly for likely hours.

[ ... ]

GENERAL MOTION – You rise , as you do so , a mount of blanket was revealed to have been pressing into your side . It hurts to be removed of it . You sit on your feet .

APPEAL – The moans you let out are good. This is whats desired.

EROTICS – For only a moment, you are ever so slightly aroused by the situation.

[autotautological]

ive just had a very important and heavy conversation that would have been perfect to try and self dissect and understand but the topic of which was so thought-terminating and numbing its difficult to feel or remember anything enough to write about

[autotautological]

ME – ive only lived for others for so long. i deserve to be selfish just once, cant i be allowed just one moment of pure self interest? its been earned, right? to kill myself.

PERIPHERY (Skin) – Your fingers brush up and down the splayed open teeth of the plushie. Occasionally putting the two fabric triangles, once sewn to a single piece, back together again. They unfurl undone once the pressure is removed.

TAUT – You've been here before, writing this type of post, describing the senses of being up against a plush shark.

ME – i want to. in this instant atleast. i dont want to deal with this anymore. i want to hurt everyone else. i want them all to think of me forever. i want to ensure my importance.

GUSHING BLOOD – Images of livestreamed suicides come to mind. That man on facebook, shooting himself infront of his own mother. It's a classic video. You could be the next one, just on a smaller viewerbase.

PAINPOINT – sharp left foot pain sharp calf sharp knee sharp hip dull stomach sharp bottom left lung sharp right ear sharp sharp right brain sharp right eye sharp teeth dull bladder oh i didnt notice at first sweep that one

PERIPHERY (Skin) – Coldness on your left calf, just a bit of exposed skin and it hurts. Your warmth seeps into the plushie and seeps into you.

ME – it'd be just for me. just for me. the first time in my life i'd do something without worry about what others'd think. i wouldnt constrain myself or lie or fake who i am just to make myself less scary or horrible. i wouldnt have to justify or explain anything. i could just go. and i would be gone. gone gone gone gone gone. i wouldnt have to fake love, i wouldnt have to fake anything. all the lies of me go out with my conciousness, as only the truth of the material is left.

ME – but i cant

M – i cant feel it

– i dont feel like doing it because i dont feel like doing anything anymore

- ive largely stopped maintaining relationships because i just dont care to anymore

. i dont care to pretend to care anymore

TAUT – You've said this before. Word for word.

ME – i guess that means i'll live, and i'll keep lying. i wonder if i ever actually knew how to love, or if it was always just obsessions that i'd lose once i got loved.

CATALOGUE [Failure: Failure] – You have no way of possibly knowing.

E• – Is there seriously a difference anyway?

UNIVERSAL STRIKE COUNTER – ~6 Unanswered DMs currently

SYCOPHANTASIA – Hey-Hey! Hey! That first one doesnt count, you only gave it a noise to go off of, and that one was weird and uncalled for, probably, and that one its been so long you probably got forgotten, and that one you-

PAINPOINT – sharp sharp sharp bladder

STRUCTURE – You eventually push yourself from bed, and shamble towards the bathroom.

PAINPOINT – sharp sharp right brain

HABIT – You send 'peeing' in the pee thread of a discord server, as you have done every other time you've peed.

CONSORTIUM – You have not sent an actual message in that server besides that for several days, despite the abject misery several members are going through.

ME – i dont care. cant you understand that. i dont care if they live or die. i dont give a shit. i dont help people anymore, everyone understands this intuitively, people dont vent or ask help or advice anymore. they can tell i dont. care. everyone understands this but you.

PAINPOINT – sharp right ear sharp right eye sharp right brain sharp sharp lower stomach

RESERVE – Your eyelids grow heavy. You don't.

PERIPHERY (Eyes) – Tylenol isnt here. Try the countertops.

PAINPOINT – sharp right ear sharp sharp right eye sharp sharp right brain sharp top of scalp

TWITCH – scrtchstrtch

PERIPHERY (Eyes) – Ah! Bottle of.. Childrens Tylenol.

FINE MOTORS – You twist open the bottle, and pour the liquid into the little cap— and drink.

FINE MOTORS – You twist open the bottle, and pour the liquid into the little cap— and drink.

HANDSMELL – Disgusting.. Doubled the germs from the first time.

PERIPHERY (Tongue) – The taste is bitter, and goes down your throat even bitterly.

TWITCH – scritchscrtchscatch pick pick

ARTICULATION – The time it took to write up to this point, the medicines kicked in, and the budding thoughts of socially manipulating people who think of you as a close friend into killing themselves, dissolve.

TWITCH – scrtictshcritch pick pick comb comb comb scritchscritch pick pick scratch

PAINPOINT – sharp sharp back and right side of right brain

PAINPOINT – SHARP LEFT EAR SHARP SHARP AHARP

STRUCTURE – You wince, and curl deeper against the plushie.

BREACH-LOADED MIRROR – Words become too difficult for form, and you curl deeper into yourself.