currently self-Dx’d system (wanting [professional] recognition)
The Rundown:
Hiya, I’m Void / Aki! This blog is a remade version of an older one...as well as reworked from what it used to be. I am constantly learning to understand myself better, learn new things, and make friends.
Feelings of being nonhuman have persisted since I was young, and... This is me putting it to a semi-active blog, to stretch those sides of me out, and be in a community that knows what it’s like [to have had similar experiences].
There’s still more to say, but I'd rather keep this short. I’ll put a bit of extra information under the cut- the stuff I feel like sharing- and... Yeah, hope you enjoy being around here!
TL;DR of Rules: Don’t be an asshole. No discourse, at all, no exceptions. TERFs and queerphobes, bigots, anti-kin, stay off my blog. I unfollow/block to my tastes; it’s not that deep if it happens. I’m not consistently on this blog nor have much spoons, pls be patient with me. (I’m not ignoring you.) Please don’t assume things about me; ask if curious, sure, but I’ll (system included) bring up if I need advice on anything.
Most alters can be asked to front, but don’t expect them to magically show up. Consider it more like submitting a request; either they’ll show up or you’ll wait until they do, that’s all.
So the short of it... Always had alterhuman-like experiences, starting with Pokemon when I was in elementary school. A persistent, but subtle connection to wolves...and a connection to felines that has never stopped. If anything, only got more active with time.
I found the fickin community first, through OFFkin, but eventually that made its way to finding therians and otherkin. Kinda been at home ever since, if very quietly; lurking for years, on and off.
.:.:.:.
As of July 2022 (the time of me originally writing this), I’ve been self-Dx’ing as plural. To keep it short, I’ve already taken the MID with my prior therapist, and we’re both working on getting me to a specialist. In the meantime, I continue to research, read other peoples’ experiences, and speak with my therapist about my experiences, but I’m unsure of when/if a professional diagnosis will happen.
For now, I, again, use system terms to describe my mental experiences and those I communicate with in there, but... Only time and a professional can tell, I suppose.
[ There’s still quite a lot of denial in here, but I’m working to accept it. Doubt has only created further damage, and I function better utilizing system-based tips. ]
.:.:.:.
Decided to not save this for last, so... Links for those on mobile, as well as main blog mention.
Main Blog: autumnshaven
Sideblogs: liltieflingprincess ✦ jokersdiamond ✦ lovelybloodybites ✦ deathstime ✦ dammyrammy ✦ [more to be updated]
Alter Main-blog: prayersfromaerith
Her “Roommates”/Sideblogs: spring-core ❀ painters-sun ❀
Current... System List || Therian/Otherkin List || Fickin List
.:.:.:.
...Alright, that’s about it, I suppose. Quick bit of rules first. That will hopefully be more coherent than the quick-notes above.
Don’t be an asshole. Given that this is my space and I prefer it to be a zone I feel safe in... Just don’t. Transphobia/Queerphobia, racism, etc. will be blocked.
I’ve already blocked some people in the community, but... Don’t take it to heart if I unfollow or block you. I simply cultivate my space/what I want to see and...that’s kinda it.
I’m not consistently on this blog; I’m not ignoring you. This has been a problem in the past with new people & me, so I’ll say it now: I don’t often have a lot of spoons, these days. I need a lot of quiet time to recharge, or to limit my communications w/ people who I already know/am comfortable with. Again, it’s no spite on you if I’m just reblogging here or going silent; I just need a break.
[EDIT] Also suffering from a Tumblr glitch where my messages/IMs will be “read” for me and I won’t get the notif that I was messaged at all. Please be patient with me!
(However, if it’s been a few weeks, you’re free to poke me. Just don’t go overboard and we’re good!) But yes, I never do this to “intentionally hurt people” or whatever. Please keep this in mind.
Don’t assume things about me. I’ve taken quick note that- occasionally- there will be some anon who wants to say, “Actually, I think you’re [this].” I don’t want any part of that! No thank you! Just go, please! I will absolutely understand advice given in good faith (“Hey, what you described sounds more like [X], you should check that out”), but essentially telling me what I should do...no.
(As well, if I’m looking for help...I [or my system] will ask for it. Anything beyond that is a bit much, imo.)
I don’t get into discourse. At the current moment, I still have a lot of learning to do and I wholly understand that. So for that reason, I don’t want any- from plural sides nor alterhuman- to be brought my way. If I rb any of it, it is for __my own learning experience__. I do not want to talk about it. (You can still send an ask/DM, but there’s no guarantee I’ll respond.)
On that note: I can try to provide advice for otherkin/therians, but am uncomfortable giving advice over system-related topics. Personal comfort, as well as the prior mentions of denial I have over being a system, myself. I just personally don’t feel qualified, so please direct those questions elsewhere. Thank you.
I’m still learning terms, how to interact with the community, etc. Definitely wanted to mention this, after noting that KFF is controversial in the otherkin side and so are the terms “kinnie,” “kinning,” and “kin” [as a verb]. Wanted to give a heads up that, while I’m not the former, I’m still “learning the language” as it were, and might still use these terms. However, and I once again stress, I am not KFF. (Nor is anyone in this system.)
.:.:.:.
Thanks for reading! Keep the rules in mind, and we’ll be just fine. Asks are open, as well, for anyone curious about...anything, really. We’ll get to it when we can.
Pretending like my brain isn't pouring out of my ears in paranoia by updating the blog a lil more. Next stage... Honestly might do a semi-overhaul of the list. That...publicly lists who's who in our sys, I mean.
I struggle something awful with making/doing anything short, buuuut idk. We'll see.
(In a good world I make a lil template for this which allows for a short rundown of basics, plus retains tag, plus still allows for blog link. For those who want it.)
Seeing our system become a little bolder... Finding people they can click with, talk to, and get to know...
It gives me hope that maybe- just maybe- I can find who I'm looking for, someday. Because what Aradia said that one time still rings dearly true:
It's not about finding people to replace them in your memories. Or to really re-enact source... But saying, "We remember similar things. Want to talk about it, and learn who we each are now? If things go well, we can even learn who we'll be in the future."
Got a tablet recently!! Now we have two whole options for art, which is going to be really nice.
(The real win is kind of also grabbing an art glove, tho... That's gonna help a ton, I think.)
...Also had someone new come in this/last month. Threw us really heavily off, but... I think we're recovering a little. So that's nice?? (They've got no idea how to pilot their life going forward and. Man, I feel that.)
We're still trying to collect our thoughts on source, but... Wow. That was certainly an update, wasn't it...?
I suppose I'll put my thoughts under a Read More, for anyone curious. As well, write on behalf of the others. [If fandom somehow finds this: this is speaking as a fictive. I am speaking as a fictive, and on behalf of other fictives. Please be polite.]
[Spoilers ahead.]
So... I'll start with myself, since there was so much that went on...
I...knew or...figured, maybe, that Dark Enchantress would die, in some way. Some form. We- that is, myself and our host- figured that a "fusion" of some kind could occur. Or that, if she "died," I could reclaim the rest of myself and continue to live.
...Well. I suppose not even fictives can predict their sources. Some of us don't have that sort of gift.
All the same, when the goal was her end, I knew it. I knew immediately I likely wouldn't live much longer or go any further. It's... I could accept that, in a way.
Our host, could not.
And then, Pure Vanilla Cookie... Even I cried. How could I not? He still means so much to me. The guilt of leaving him behind, so many things unsaid... Is it so possible to come back, after all? Are the feelings just enough unsaid...enough that they wouldn't touch it again?
.....It's odd, for me. I understand every detail, why things happened the way they did, my heart light for easing the pain and agony of the Avatar of Destiny... But it weighs on me.
Silent Salt Cookie is much the same. They also knew the way of things, given the fork through their middle. Although... Seeing the depths Shadow Milk Cookie went to survive? To...essentially become worse? It floored us both, admittedly. Shocked.
...And destroying their Soul Jam only made sense, unfortunately. Between my being gone, and the remaining energy at risk... What else was there to do?
(I wonder about our "child," however... I do like that some people- ourselves included- are warming to the idea that they're the "Beacon/Light of Hope." Salt and I believe in this, ourselves! Specifically.)
Also there's something to mention that two of our system both had past relationship(s) with Shadow Milk Cookie, only to die in this update... Hmm.
Well. This just leaves Mystic Flour and Eternal Sugar Cookie...
That was agonizing. We had so much hope for their change of heart under pressure, a harmonizing of Soul Jams to strengthen both... Now, I wonder- and worry- if it's our fate just to die? Will I have to watch my friends die, too, just for the Soul Jams to reunite...? I wanted them to all rejoin or harmonize, but not like this....
Mystic Flour's been especially taking this hard. She...was really looking forward to improving herself, for our sake. Still dealing in Apathy, but with a kinder view; leaning towards the attitude of The Leavened One. Trying to open up has led to hurt... I can't blame them for numbing out, after this.
(Eternal Sugar went quiet. I don't think she's "left" us in any form, but this hit her hard. I hope she'll be okay...)
...In the end, I just hope...that Sugarfly Cookie will be okay. We got to see her in the Faerie Kingdom, at least, but what of Pavlova Cookie...? I will admit, the fandom is right on something: we worry for the now-prior minions of the Beasts. (Mystic Flour stresses over Cloud Haetae Cookie. How I can't blame her at all for that-!)
I hope others are getting what they can out of this. We....will likely need some time to rest.
I keep...trying to put pressure on myself. To not talk here until I've..."conformed" to what everyone else has been doing, but. I can't really...make a decision, anyways? So I guess this will be fine...
Dunno what I'm really doing here. Or what to do with myself? I guess? Hah...
I think a sourcemate came with me. But I don't really know. Everything's been weird, and I'm still trying to adjust to that.
...I had more of an idea of what to write earlier, but I'm kind of... Losing it, I guess. Take this as an announcement that I'm here and stuff?
Internal radio will play anything these days. (AKA this week's selection/favorites on loop, at random times, whenever someone else has their craving going)
Got to rewatch Phantom [of the Opera] for the first time in years with Knight, then proceeded to chill while Charlie took over and cleaned nearly half the house off of...whatever energy she's got stored Somewhere.
Also had a weird thing last night where 😿 fronted out of the blue...? Headspace just cleared tf out and left her there, with only me one foot out the door. Dunno what happened, but at least everything was okay?
Strange combination of days all in all, but it's been raining often, here!! So we've been loving that!
