Awful Fantasy

Your best source for the worst Fantasy and Science Fiction writing. From the awful minds behind The Rockman Chronicles.

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

Tarn saddled the horse and hopped on, hoping he could remember how to ride. He let out a breathy whistle and rocked back and forth a bit, lightly tapping the horse's flanks with his heels. "Hyah!" he half whispered to himself as his hat fell off and landed in a puddle nearby.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Mar 23, 2023

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

“Run, El’nir! There is no saving your dwarf friend! The Succubus has ensnared him in her spell!” El’nir spun back to Begras, “Snap out of it!” Indeed he was too far gone. “HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA,” said Begras. El’nir sobbed as steam shot out of the dwarf’s ears. “AWOOGA!” he added.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Mar 6, 2023

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

He looked at her trembling in the alley. “I sense great power in you. You lived your life as a beggar and a thief, but I can teach you to use that power!” “But I can’t leave, I have no money for travel,” she said. “Fear not, it’s prophecy! And I’ve started a GoFundMe for you.”

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Mar 2, 2023

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

The necromancer Minufir showed his new e-reader to Lucifen, “All of my dark spells in here now. Much easier.” Lucifen grunted. “I dunno, there’s just something about the smell of mummified skin pages and the sound of anguished wails from a newly cursed tome that can’t be beat.”

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Dec 28, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

"The creature could be disguised as any one of us!" said John. "It could, and I figured out who it is," answered Dr. Wong. "It's you!" She pointed a finger directly at YOU, the reader! Didn't see that coming, did you? Are you sure you're human? This is a fun book, huh?

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Dec 17, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

We can't sit by and not let you know that Garth Marenghi has finally released GARTH MARENGHI'S TERRORTOME. Three bone chilling tales 30 years in the making. https://t.co/kQtrmUgc1I

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Nov 19, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

Spinax pleaded with his skeletal wife as she furiously packed her body bag. “I can explain!” “Really? You were watching HUMAN porn! They're centuries younger than you! I’ll be at my sister’s mausoleum. I don't know how you can be undead with yourself.” She clattered out the door.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Nov 9, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

The dragon roared as it took to the air, where its might would truly be known. Suddenly, though, it flew in a loop and took to the ground, instead. Ah, the ground: a dragons true killing field. That's when the beast did a twirl and took to the river. Oh boy, now we're talking...

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Nov 5, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

She reached the end of the cavernous room and opened the chest. In complete awe, she pulled out a treasure greater than all the jewels of Aranatra: the fabled Heart of Steve. It was difficult for her to really appreciate it with the dude constantly screaming, though.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Oct 28, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

As Ted grappled with the zombie, a sandwich fell out of his pocket and landed next to the rotting foot of his attacker. It was a ham and cheese on wheat bread with some lettuce and swiss cheese. There were some tomato slices in there too and mustard. Also a bag of chips fell out.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Oct 17, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

“Is that.. the mystical sword, Val-mir?” asked Li’thmil. The Ranger lifted his weapon. “That it is, elf.” The blade glistened in the morning light, a single gem on the pommel shone with an otherworldly glow. Li’thmil saw a Megadeth sticker on the blade. “Badass,” he whispered.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Oct 1, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

The Harfoots packed up their hobbit things and started the long trek out of the Southlands. They were a nomadic group, always moving around for no real reason. (Actually it’s because they heard pipe-weed was legal in The Shire but don’t tell your kids that.)

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Sep 13, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

"Scouts tell me Sauron was spotted in the west. He's building an army," Elrond told Galadriel. "Is he white?" she asked. "Uh, yeah I think so...?" "Good. Otherwise it's not believable nor authentic," she said. Rings of White Power Coming this fall.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Sep 2, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

"One Alien Egg please, quasar side up," Carey ordered. Carey was well aware that she was living in what some might refer to as "the future". But it wasn't the future for her, it was the present. For instance, she wouldn't call lasers futuristic, she'd call them presentistic.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Aug 18, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

As the friendly dwarves ushered the travelers deeper into the stronghold, they spoke of a rich history of ancient architecture. The dwarves went around and introduced themselves. There were too many to name, but they all had names that sounded like they were hocking up a loogie.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Aug 16, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

"The evil Darkken Lord will not win as long as I, Strohm Gleambeast, protect the people of this land," Strohm said as a light wind rustled his bowl cut.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Aug 14, 2022

[awfulfantasy]

Awful Fantasy

I’m requesting consideration for a Hugo award for my fantasy/sci-fi novel, THE WIZARD MARTIAN. I did research to make sure everything in the book was not only scientifically accurate, but magically accurate. Every spell he used could theoretically be used in a mission to mars.

— Awful Fantasy (@AwfulFantasy) Aug 14, 2022