Collecting my obsessions

Here they can blossom.

[awmonomiac]

Hello Dear, i hope you R doing great. i just found your blog and im sooo happy that i found you and your analysis about *painter of the night*. And i hope it's ok me sending you this ask. I'm trying, reaaally trying to understad the story and your blog helps me BIG time, but something i still didn't and can't get is : WHY the rape??? Just because SH is gay and his father found it unacceptable? I appreciate your answer! 💖🙏

Thank you so much for your interest in my blog! I love the story of Potn and I'm delighted that you asked me this question, which I find really interesting. I'll try to answer it, it's only my opinion of course! You can also ask the question to @bebebisous33 and @dreamingsnowflake2013 make very interesting and detailed articles. I would be delighted to have their opinion on the matter.

First of all, someone who has experienced abuse is more likely to repeat it. And we know that Seungho suffered a lot of abuse in his childhood. This does not mean that ALL abused people will become abusers.

Then to answer your question I'll use chapter 25 as an example. Nk rejects Seungho's advances and prefers Inhun to him despite Inhun's obvious mediocrity.

And so Seungho feels rejected and finds the situation particularly unfair. This stirs up a lot of wounds in him: in his whole life he has never been chosen, no one has ever been by his side.

Everyone abandoned him. We know in the following chapters that his father preferred his brother, that his brother tried to use him in order to get a high position, Kim denounced him to his father and abandoned him, Jihwa who claims to love him but refuses to assume his love in broad daylight (he continues to hide his homosexuality from everyone and calls Seungho himself a bastard...)

So it is a very deep wound in Seungho. He is convinced that he is not lovable and that nobody will ever be his.

As he feels rejected, he has a need to reaffirm Nakyum's belonging to him, it is HIS possession. The idea that NK escapes him and does not belong to him is unbearable. He feels a need for domination and control and cannot stand NK's insubordination.

He takes advantage of the fact that he is a noble and has power to reassert his dominance.

Also, Seungho is marginalised as a "vaunted rake and pervert" man when it is his family and society that are responsible for his current mental state. He was "sold" by the nobles and underwent conversion therapy. All of this has created s*xual traumas for him and this can create hypers*xuality in the traumatized person.

I think seungho can't stand this hypocrisy and that's why he hates social rules and dogmas.

He also can't stand the hypocrisy of NK who calls him a perverted demon while also being possessed by desire and fantasizing about Seungho.

If he is to be hated, Seungho wants to be hated thoroughly. It's a self-fulfilling belief: he thinks no one can love him and refuses to believe anyone who might say otherwise (for example in chapter 63) (Now that NK has said he wants to stay with him, seungho's beliefs are slowly fading away). So he destroys all relationships around him and makes people hate him so that they don't have time to give up on him. He is self-destructive.

Also the difference in social status between Nakyum lowborn and Seungho noble makes it difficult to build a balanced relationship. In Korean society at that time, lowborns are nothing and are by essence inferior to nobles. Nk has integrated that he is worthless, he has assimilated his lowborn status to his personal value. Moreover Seungho as a noble takes everything for granted.

So it is very difficult for Nk to have his dignity respected and therefore to have a noble/lowborn relationship where there are no power games.

Of course none of this excuses Seungho's behaviour. It just explains it. Their relationship is very far from perfect. But little by little Seungho comes to his senses and because he loves NK he wants to change.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

And so the merchant finally learns who is the true owner of those gorgeous legs, broken mirror stand, music box worth a house and Yoon Seungho’s heart.

Seungho: I’m in love and give zero fucks who knows! Hell, I want everyone to know!

Seungho turns into a big baby around Nakyum who just wants cuddles and sexy times 24/7 and is happiest on his little lover’s lap, bursting into an open laughter when he learns his lovely wifey is worried about him. Awwww!

The mighty Yoon Seungho who can have in his bed literally anyone he wants has just grabbed the leg of a little commoner to keep him there. He is so adorably needed and desperately seeking Nakyum’s attention.

They SO MARRIED! They are bickering like a married couple - Nakyum berates Seungho for spending to much to which Seungho replies he is basically at the top of the Forbes’s list of Joseon’s billionaires and that he just wants to spoil and pamper his blushing bride!

Seungho listing all the ways they spend together, claiming it’s like they are married already, brings back memories of all those moments Seungho spend with Nakyum after the kidnapping revea l- Seungho confirms he’s considered it a real courtship all along as he’s been wooing Nakyum.

Now, he even begins to buy Nakyum cosmetics since pampering his lover has become his favourite past time, literally painting his painter because Nakyum is his favourite canvas.

“Do you think he’ll make you his bride, despite what is between your legs?”  Not only did those rumours turn out to be 99% accurate but also fucking prophetic. That’s some Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalism right there!

Yoon Seungho, the king of growth AKA The Asshole Lord in Winter and The Needy Lover in Spring.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Seungho has experienced the worst kind of child abuse the guise of conversion therapy at the hands of his own father - imprisoned, tortured, beaten like a slave on a straw mat,… - it’s not suprising he is fucked up, it’s shocking he is still alive. And he still haven’t given in until the end.

Judging from the purple robe, Seungho comes to Nakyum right after confronting Mr. Kim to seek comfort from him -  from his nearness, his scent, his touch,… - it seems Nakyum truly is the balm for Seungho’s damaged soul.

Seungho has wanted desperately for a long time to have someone who would be only his - someone loyal to him, someone to love him. He chose Nakyum and that’s why he used to be so extremely jealous at IH and possessive of Nakyum. Seungho wants Nakyum and his heart to belong to him alone.

Seungho is drawn to Nakyum like a moth to the flame, like an addict trying to stay away but always caves in to steal a few moments to make him survive until he sees Nakyum again.He gives him only feather-like, impossibly gentle touches as if he were afraid he might break Nakyum otherwise or that he wouldn’t be able to leave if he took more. The man who couldn’t deny himself anything has now a control of steal. And then he just leaves, like a fleeting dream vanishing before the dawn.

Seungho gives the word ‘whipped’ a completely new meaning. If he is not with Nakyum, he’s stalking him and eavesdropping on him, curious about everything that is Nakyum and remembering everything Nakyum said. He even plans to make up for the lost time when they didn’t known each other and do with Nakyum all those things Nakyum loved to do with others. He wants to become his family, like the kisaengs used to be. The most poignant thing about it is that he is both pretty much asking Nakyum on a date and planning their future together. Seungho sees himself having a future with Nakyum.

I wonder how long they are going to sustain this pretense, this game they play, where Seungho is aware Nakyum is awake and Nakyum allows Seungho everything he wants to do, with both of them pining for more but afraid to talk about it in fear of destroying the status quo.

It was snowing diamond snow at the end of S2, meaning it was February, now it’s raining and the snow is melting so it must be March. Like can we talk about HOW YOON SEUNGHO, THE WALKING MALE ORGAN, HAS BEEN CELIBATE FOR WEEKS BECAUSE HE’S BEEN WOOING HIS BRIDE?!

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Seungho enjoys when Nakyum is honest with him and shares with him his thoughts, even his adorable refusal stemming from his shyness. He wants to know what’s on Nakyum’s mind, it fascinates and excites him because Nakyum is no longer that numb shell and sex doll who did his bidding and refused to tell him what’s wrong into which Nakyum turned himself after Inhun left. For Seungho, it’s a sign that Nakyum feels comfortable around him and that he has managed to make Nakyum trust him a little bit more and shorten the distance himself and Nakyum’s heart. He never wanted a sex slave, he has always wanted Nakyum to be his lover and now he’s finally beginning to get his wish.

Seungho moves away Nakyum’s hand with which he’s trying to cover his face.He wants to see his face and his eyes, those eyes that cannot lie and are always honest with him, filled with pleasure he brings Nakyum .He wants to see all of Nakyum and everything he feels and wants to hide from him

Both Nakyum and Seungho has a similar visceral reaction to hearing their names, without any honorifics, whatsoever uttered by their lover - the same shock, the similar pleasure and indentical overwhelming emotions which echo each other. It’s the ultimate endearment and turn-on for them, making them both melt and Nakyum’s tippy-toes curl.

It’s when he hears Seungho repeat his name like a prayer with so much reverence and sees his loving face, when Nakyum stops resisting, gives in to those compelling words and alluring gaze, surrendering to Seungho’s gentle coaxings and seduction, and leans in, begging for a kiss.

After that night in the shed, whatever self-confidence and trust in Seungho Nakyum had had shattered. After that he didn’t dare to initiate a kiss or come to Seungho’s room,unless Seungho made the first step.With his gentle persuasion and care, Seungho has given them back to him after taking them away.

When Seungho notices Nakyum reaching out and puckering his lips to kiss him it affects him deeply, making him flustered. It’s the moment his ears begin to blush and becoming redder with each panel until they are glowing red when he kisses Nakyum , as crimson as Nakyum ’s cheek.

Seungho kisses Nakyum because Nakyum wants that kiss,raising his head in invitation. It’s the only thing he’s asked during their tryst and Seungho’d give him everything. Like with the music box, Seungho can’t deny Nakyum anything. All Nakyum needs to asks or look at it and he will give it to him. At this point, Nakyum has trouble voicing his needs and wishes, being too shy. The whole moment is reminiscent of the time, he grabbed Seungho’s cock, wanting it inside him, and Seungho immediately listened to him and thrusted inside.

[awmonomiac]

It's really too cute, Nakyum chatting and Seungho leaning over him, talking to him like a friend. The social barrier is getting thinner and thinner between the two of them.

Seungho annoyed by all this drivel, he endured because he loves NK even though it is contrary to his beliefs

Seungho bends to NK's whims ahah I’m dead.

"why should I apply for this ignorant" There is an air of déjà vu ...

Seungho refuses to let nk receive a poor quality spring poem because he wants the best for him.

NK is dazzled by Seungho's poem. He keeps looking at it without even eating, although we know NK's love for sweets. It is the best gift Seungho could have given to nk because it is something really personal.

It's the most beautiful poem he ever had, probably until then everybody had to take advantage of his ignorance and Seungho who despises social norms is disgusted by that of course.

SH feels no shame, no disdain to write the poem himself for a "peasant"

and he is satisfied to see that finally NK prefers his own poem rather than the one of his calligrapher ahah

“It's all my fault” it's a really trigger sentence for Seungho.

He doesn't want Nakyum's abnegation, he doesn't want a submissive NK.

He wants NK to be good and assert himself despite their difference in status, which is very difficult for NK because he has internalized his inferior status as a lowborn. He has equated his inferior status with his self worth.

In fact Seungho really wants the most authentic intimacy with NK, he refuses that the social norms infiltrate between them two, already because it is in his nature, Seungho this progressive ahah and then because Seungho is terribly whipped!

The moment is so emotionally intense that time seems to have stopped.

Our two lovers are in their own bubble, out of space and time. They seem to be alone in the world, they forget the presence of the calligrapher, who visually disappears. That's why bd zooms in on their faces, because she wants to reinforce this impression by emphasizing their emotions.

The zoom on the brush and the drop of ink which beads underlines this impression of suspended time. All the moments are decomposed in order to underline this effect of suspended time: Nakyum looks at Seungho, zoom on NK fascinated by SH, zoom on Seungho concentrated, then Seungho who looks at NK, Zoom on their exchange of glance and NK's blush...

By the way, can we stop for a second on Nakyum's face? He looks so admiring and fascinated by Seungho! But not only. He is shocked to see Seungho's expression. Seungho, focused on writing his poem, naturally expresses his feelings for NK. As if the facade falls. and NK finally discovers this. This face that NK has never seen is that of a man in love.

The fact that it is Min who reads it is as if it conjures up the right prediction, as if it becomes a bad omen. It's like he's laughing at this anti-misfortune poem because only he knows what awaits NK and SH.

Min is one of those who dream of breaking social norms without succeeding. that's why he admires Seungho so much and why he is obsessed with NK while despising his condition. His disdain is obvious, he ignores him throughout the conversation, doesn't greet him, snatches the poem out of his hands as if he didn't exist.

He sneaks in between them like a snake, he disturbs their peace because deep down he envies them and can't stand the idea that Seungho and NK, a nobleman and a lowborn, can love each other in broad daylight.

Of course it's a thinly disguised threat.

What is he up to?

My theory is that Min would have provoked Seungho so that the kisaengs would witness his reaction with surely the goal to prove something to them. One wonders then what Min could have told them as a story.

Nk makes the ultimate request to Seungho: he asks him the permission to see his sisters.

NK made a huge step towards seungho, that is to say to have confidence in him and to love him in spite of his terrible mood swings.

It's seungho's turn to trust Nakyum.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

They argue. It’s uncomfortable and ugly and that makes it genuine-Nakyum and Seungho finally vent their frustration about each other in an honest manner. Because no matter what SH does NK never gives him his smile & no matter what NK does he can’t break the wall around SH’s heart.

Nakyum and Seungho both fear to give themself to the other person and keep a distance between each other, yet at the same time they both try to get closer and hold tighter in their own clumsy way.

They both fear having their hearts broken but Seungho’s fear runs much deeper. His reluctance to share his past with Nakyum doesn’t merely stem from the fear to confront it but because he is terrified Nakyum may be disgusted with him if he knew the whole truth about him.

When Seungho tells Nakyum he never expected him to be his, it shows Seungho’s real tragedy. He doesn’t expect Nakyum to ever love him because he hates himself and considers himself damned and unlovable. Nakyum’s presence is enough for him because being tolerated by Nakyum is the best Seungho dares to hope for since he thinks he’s undeserving of Nakyum’s love. His inability to make his lover smile only reinforces the notion so he resigned himself to being in a one-sided love.

Just a remainder that Seungho was one word away from admitting he secretly craves Nakyum’s love right after Nakyum barely stopped himself from confessing he loves Seungho, truly and deeply.

Instead of smiling, Seungho makes Nakyum cry again, but his shock at Nakyum’s tears also shows that he didn’t realize until now how much NK cares about the music box - a token of SH’s affection which to Nakyum represents everything that is good and loving about SH - and him.

Seungho is so heartwrenchingly inept at expressing his feelings and utterly clueless and clumsy at how to make Nakyum stay.He literally fumbles for the right words, nervously biting his lip in frustration at himself, and resorts to unconcealed begging & desperately pleads with NK to tell him how more he most beg for him not to leave him, after he realizes that reverting to his arrogance nobleman persona not only won’t make Nakyum stay but it hurts him and makes him cry. If Mr. Kim didn’t come SH would most likely prostrate himself and kneel before Nakyum.

The music box keeps playing after Seungho throws it, so the whole time he is begging Nakyum not to leave him, The Night Flower is playing in the background (considering the RL does).

“If you don’t want it anymore, what good does it do for me?!" 

 The music box scene is reminiscent of HYD s2e6 where Makino decides to leave Domyouji so she returns him the Saturn necklace he gave her but he throws it away because without her it holds no meaning or value to him. It has the similarly charged atmosphere of heartbreak and argument between two lovers as the one in PotN chapter 85.

[awmonomiac]

The superimposition of the exchange between the two maids and the image of NK and Seungho in full embrace is interesting because it underlines the new proximity between them.

Nakyum is not only with Seungho, he is embraced by him, kissing him passionately in this position that NK demanded because he wanted to be as close to him as possible. They look like real people who love each other.

The dialogue between the two maids represents gossip. So the contrast between their gossip and the image is very revealing of public opinion. They don't know yet that NK and SH have both declared themselves and love each other. But what they do know is that they are together all the time. Their relationship is so intense that it is obvious to outsiders.

When Heena's letters are mentioned, Seungho's insecurities surface. The idea that NK might consider leaving him makes Seungho very possessive.

And the fact that the maid called Nakyum by his first name as if they knew each other well makes Seungho even more possessive.

Seungho likes to claim MY kyum, emphasizing the fact that it is HIM's and no one else's.

Seungho doesn't mind reminding Nakyum that it was he who gave himself up, especially since Seungho had gotten used to the idea of having no one he could declare as mine.

I also think Seungho doesn't like people knowing things about nk that he doesn't know. He doesn't like that the servants shared such a fun conversation without him knowing about it. It's as if a part of nk is slipping away from Seungho. That is why he is annoyed in this way.

Also I think he does it to distract NK 😏

That's why NK for a moment can't keep his mouth shut, it's because Seungho is so rude that NK was too focused on something else to hear the conversation.

After seungho asked NK why he wanted to go out so badly we don't see the Nakyum's face. This is a way to visually express Seungho's doubt and insecurities.

We only see Nakyum's face when he explains that he really wants to spend time with Seungho. He still doesn't realise that NK really wants to stay by his side. He still imagines that NK is plotting.

But when Nakyum turns around, the truth is so simple and sweet just like NK's expression that it disarms him. Nk doesn't just want to have sex with him, he wants to spend time with his lover outside of sex.

As a result, Nk gradually begins to understand how Seungho works and manages to reassure him.

It's so cute to see Nakyum chatting in such a relaxed way with the lord. NK communicates his wants and needs, as if he was talking to a friend and not a lord. His familiarity is really adorable.

When Nk finally smiles at seungho, he gives himself up completely to him. He breaks the promise he made to himself and gives himself body and soul to Seungho. He takes the risk of loving her.

When NK smiles, it is as if he is telling Seungho that just the sun, the fresh air and the simple presence of Seungho makes him happy, like the saying "vivre d'amour et d'eau fraiche" in french ( translated by "all you need is love" in english).

At this statement Seungho looks so appeased. He has finally got what he wanted. He looks detached and I think it's because he has overcome his first selfish concern. He's not relieved that he can make someone happy. Making someone happy was a huge concern for Seungho in season 2. At that time Seungho needed to be reassured that he could be loved.

Now, if Seungho looks so appeased, it's because he's just happy to see Nk happy.

But unfortunately we all feel that the happiness will be very short-lived. BD queen likes to make us suffer ahah

She teases us by pointing out the fact that our favourite couple didn't get to see the calligrapher... and that it was supposed to to keep the bad luck away. And carefree Seungho, blinded by love, does not listen to Nakyum's intuition.

[awmonomiac]

Nk makes a conscious choice to stay with seungho. By saying that he will no longer be anxious, Nk implies that he finally understands Seungho.

As we can see from the last few panels, this choice will be put to the test.

Finally seungho can claim nk as his legitimately ahah he f*cks possessively. But he didn't expect nk sauto to claim to him.

Maybe also sh even though he knew couldn't expect how much deeper nk's feelings were.

Never have their faces been so close! This one is my favourite, you can feel such an intimacy between them. They look so hopelessly in love with each other.

The way they look at each other is so intense

And the way seungho touches nk's face is really revealing of their evolution

Seugho always liked to touch nakyum's hair. At first seunhjo touched nk's hair because he felt desire and was seduced by beautiful hair.

Often Seungho also grabs Nakyum by the hair. Pulling his hair to force him is seungho's M.O., it was his way of protecting himself: not letting people get to his heart by dominating them to avoid the risk of being betrayed again

At the beginning of season 2 Seungho does a lot of little touches to Nakyum under various pretexts because what he wants is to connect emotionally with him.

Episode 58 when SH confesses his feelings to NK, doesn't touch his face but holds his hands firmly because he's very afraid that nk will reject him and run away, his statement is mostly turned towards himself, he's in a process of abdication, in a will to free himself from a secret

At this moment I don't think he is trying to get closer to NK, he can't even consider it. It remains only in the realm of dreams. He is only invaded by the fear that NK will run away.

Then I think he totally gave up this dream of getting emotionally close to NK, thinking that he would never be his.

He stopped touching her face and even refused to kiss her.

And chapter 70 seungho touches NK's face again in an extremely gentle way as if he was trying to get close to a wild animal because he doesn't want to scare her anymore.

First chapter of the third season Seungho touches NK's hair in order to seduce him this time and in order to continue and build a lasting relationship.

And finally last chapter, Seungho touching nk's hair and forehead... it's very symbolic because they finally share their thoughts. Nk opens his heart and Seungho expresses his need to be reassured and his fear of being abandoned. They both open their hearts and minds to each other.

When SH runs his hand through NK's hair, it is not only desire and love but also a deep desire to connect with him. It's as if he wants to get a better look at his eyes in order to understand exactly what he's feeling so that he can have the deepest emotional connection possible. Now that nk has given himself to him he is afraid to lose him again and does not take his eyes off him. He drinks from him, from his body, from his eyes, from his face. Maybe he still finds it hard to believe and tries to find proof in his eyes that what nk says is true and that he really means it.

And as he feels more accepted SH dares to show a little tender gesture and his fragility by letting his emotion show, that of a man desperately in love.

It's interesting to see when nk touches seungho's face, it's very rare and I think it's because of the difference in status. Nk is a lowborn and seungho is a lord, seungho dominates nk from a social point of view.

The opposite even happens with seungho overcome with remorse and guilt, grabbing nk's hands and putting them on his forehead to ask for forgiveness.

[sometime-in-1995]

This scene reminded me that this very room was previously Elder Yoon's chamber. Where Seungho took Jihwa to bed in retaliation. It reminded me that this whole residence is full of Seungho's trauma and nightmares. When Elder Yoon and Seungwon fled, Seungho was left abandoned and trapped to the household. And when you're abandoned in such a way, you don't have any choice but to make do with what's left of you, and so he took charge and made everything his including the bed chamber and the throne as the Master of the House.

For the other servants, Seungho is their Master, he is the ultimate law in the household because they don't know anything of Seungho's backstory. But for Kim, Elder Yoon is the Master and Seungho is still the Young Master who drifted away from the right path.

Elder Yoon coming back into his old master's chamber but wasn't given the luxury to even sit and Seungho showing him as if he no longer have a place in the residence was such a symbolism. As if saying, "I will protect what is mine now." It wasn't exactly freedom, it was a trap.

[theprocrastinatingredkitty]

And not to mention Seungho really doesn't give up his seat instead of just sitting on the floor to allow his father to sit on the mat just as their custom dictates is just a big fat middle finger to his father and to everything that the Joseon law stood for. And his father didn't even say anything. Heck. The elder K N O W S his son can kick him out of the house and that's why he said nothing. Seungho had kicked him out before and he can do it again 💅🏻

It's a very powerful scene imo 😌

[sometime-in-1995]

This scene reminded me that this very room was previously Elder Yoon's chamber. Where Seungho took Jihwa to bed in retaliation. It reminded me that this whole residence is full of Seungho's trauma and nightmares. When Elder Yoon and Seungwon fled, Seungho was left abandoned and trapped to the household. And when you're abandoned in such a way, you don't have any choice but to make do with what's left of you, and so he took charge and made everything his including the bed chamber and the throne as the Master of the House.

For the other servants, Seungho is their Master, he is the ultimate law in the household because they don't know anything of Seungho's backstory. But for Kim, Elder Yoon is the Master and Seungho is still the Young Master who drifted away from the right path.

Elder Yoon coming back into his old master's chamber but wasn't given the luxury to even sit and Seungho showing him as if he no longer have a place in the residence was such a symbolism. As if saying, "I will protect what is mine now." It wasn't exactly freedom, it was a trap.

[theprocrastinatingredkitty]

And not to mention Seungho really doesn't give up his seat instead of just sitting on the floor to allow his father to sit on the mat just as their custom dictates is just a big fat middle finger to his father and to everything that the Joseon law stood for. And his father didn't even say anything. Heck. The elder K N O W S his son can kick him out of the house and that's why he said nothing. Seungho had kicked him out before and he can do it again 💅🏻

It's a very powerful scene imo 😌

[awmonomiac]

By practicing hunting, Seungho evacuates all his accumulated anger: that towards his relatives who abandoned and abused him, that against the aristocratic society that despises him with so much hypocrisy, and that against himself.

The image of his shadow superimposed with the animal's wound expresses how much he suffers and how he inflicts this wound on himself in a self-destructive spiral. This is what happened in the previous chapter: sh's father's warning to his son brought back his traumas and in a burst of suffering and anger, Seungho hurts Nakyum, the only person who really cares about his well-being.

This cumulative anger makes him feel so violent that it scares him. While he is hunting and when he joined Nakyum, Seungho looks disconnected from reality.

Seungho looks tense, scared. Forgetting the world around him and the fact that he was accompanied by a team of servants. That's why he turns around abruptly, ready to fight back. He is on the defensive, holding his sword, ready to strike.

The outfit of NK in chapter 84 is interesting:

He is wearing bordeaux! That's what SH bought him. And now they match! Like a metaphor that he has matured.

Also NK is wearing his headband again. Maybe because he feels like a fuck doll after being forced and because he wants to show SH that he's distancing himself and hasn't forgiven him.

Nakyum and Seungho are like a couple: they sleep together, NK talks with open heart, they eat together at the same table! But when Nk offers to heal his wounds, SH keeps his heart closed.

They act like a couple but still don't reach that true intimacy, that total trust. Sh wants to treat nk as his equal but can't.

Seungho refuses to show that part of himself that makes him feel so vulnerable. He refuses to show this ultimate weakness to nk. He has every right to want to keep it to himself, but to protect himself he invokes his authority as a lord and this prevents him from treating NK as his equal. Using his power as a dominant on the social scale allows him to hide his weakness but keeps him away from NK.

[sixratsinatrenchcoat]

rules: answer 10 questions & tag 10 people you want to know better

relationship status: single but I’m going to ask out a guy later today

favourite colour: green and purple

three favourite foods: muffins, fruit snacks, and my mom’s chicken alfredo

song stuck in my head: the song from the Fresh level of Friday Night Funkin

last song I listened to: Star Spangled Banner because I had to sing it for a medical congress thing I’m doing

last thing I googled: how to beat fresh in fnf

dream trip: South Korea, Japan, Australia or Colombia

anything i really want: I really want this guy not to reject me later bc I’ve been flirting with him for the past 3 days

tagging: @poly–panda @mistythegenderqueermess @lycaran @goswlogpncmcrfobpjstltruaqhtma42 @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @im-a-dragon-cawcaw @polyamorouspunk @gayarsonist @zebe908 @beautifulbatsoulcreator

[boyimtrash]

Thank you @eyelessdoll-y and @askcarla tagging me!

Relationship status: single never ready to mingle, but like I’m also practically a married woman.

Favorite color: I’ve been digging periwinkle for a while lately.

Three favorite foods: Hmmmm…ice cream, mozzarella sticks and Disney’s hot dogs, well maybe not exactly a favorite but holy shit they’re good :O

Song stuck in my head: Luckily none right now

Last song I listened to: She’s got you by Patsy Cline

Last thing I Googled: hahaha it was uh “sorry I don’t speak Italian” meme

Dream trip: Going to Disney in any of the foreign countries.

Anything I really want: for all my birds to live at least ten years.

Tagging @nikonjr @zahrabasiri @tickotaku @jadedadultritsu @laitosmacaroons

[jadedadultritsu]

Hiiiiii @boyimtrash tysm for tagging~!! <3

Relationship status: Single af as JC idc idc lol

Favorite color: 🍇💜 My blog theme literally just screams it 😂😂

Three favorite foods: Samgyupsal, Maru Maru Tei, Chop Suey with fried pork on the side, icecream, pizza, and carbonara(I’ll eat one in a few ;))

Song stuck in my head: Xian Yun cuz did ya’ll see the mdzs s3 ed credits since yesterday????? 😭😭🤧🤧

Last song I listened to: Yt music playing it rn on my Opera Mini sidebar

Last thing I Googled:

I’m-

I’m not purposely searching my own blogs omg why would IIIII 😭😭 I just had to add a “Not spoiler-free blog” caution cuz I don’t want to get hate msgs lol

Dream trip: Japan and anywhere in Europe!!

Anything I really want: To retire early from work and find my cultivation partner cuz if we’re not like WangXian or any of my ships at all then the rship def won’t be going anywhere..

Tagging: @oh-no-niv @queenoftheknight @sometime-in-1995 @sadangestmind @sugarlove12 @thewaywardgryffindor @theprocrastinatingredkitty @diary-of-a-poltergeist @beautifulblhell @trulygrey​  

[theprocrastinatingredkitty]

rel. status: single. Nuff said. Real men disappoint me

fav. color: black and red uwu

fav. food: N O O D L E S. dark chocolate. P I Z Z A

song stuck in my head rn: Changgwi (Ahn Ye-Eun)

last song I listened to: Red Tie (Ahn Ye-Eun)

last thing I googled: izumo extended

dream trip: I want my own planet, preferably with lots of cats. I want to go to the cat islands in Japan so bad

anything I really want: FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR TO JUST END ALREADY

.

@amusedarcher @flatfootmonster @mytaintedinnocence @tincan4life 🥺 

thanks to jadedadultritsu for tagging me in this, i get really shy when tagging people i stg 😭 

[amusedarcher]

Relationship status: single af, no intention to get into one however

Favourite colours: black, garnet red, navy blue

Three favourite foods: carbs, fat, carcinogen (jk jk, but only three? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻) charcuterie, sushi, tteokbokki

Song stuck in my head: I Saved The World Today by Eurythmics

Last song I listened to: One Headlight by The Wallflowers

Last thing I googled: recipe for Hotteok*

Dream trips: Seoul, Jaipur, Ulaanbaatar, Kyoto

Anything I really want: to travel the world and eat all the food

*I have been busying myself with the Sweetener Series by the very talented @theprocrastinatingredkitty and seeing how the protagonists enjoyed the yummy winter snack during their day out, I cannot help making the sweet treat myself and indulge in the warm syrupy goodness.

@magedoc @bebebisous33 @sometime-in-1995

[bebebisous33]

Relationship status: Married for 24 years with 2 children. It looks like I belong to the minority here.

Favourite colors: purple, pink, light blue and beige.

Favourite food: Rhubarb cake, tarte au citron, tarte aux abricots / Couscous, Chicken with herbs and gratin with zucchinis.

Song stuck in my head: Night Flower from Ahn Ye Eun

Last song I listened to: Uncomfortable from Chase Atlantic

Last thing I googled: Stromae Santé (his new song)

Dream trip: South Korea (Seoul, Busan)

Anything I really want: My fall vacations last longer!! My readers/followers would leave more comments. 😘

@thewitchhas-gotme @titiblack78 @scorpiusgurl @awmonomiac

[awmonomiac]

Thank you so much to tag me @bebebisous33 🙏

Relationship status: in couple for 4 years and in a civil partnership for 1 year

Favourite colours: almond green, vermilion and purple

Three favourite foods: sushi (really all Japanese food), fish and chips, pokebowl and just one more because I can't choose: apple crumble

Song stuck in my head: Copycat Billie Eilish

Last song I listened to: double trouble, the opening song of harry potter 3. I love this song and the halloween atmosphere 🎃

Last thing I googled: deepl, so I could translate this text 😂

Dream trip: Japan without any hesitation! 🇯🇵

All I really want is to travel with just a backpack and my pencils and draw all the travel books I want!! By the way if you're interested you can check out my insta @estellebrbr where I post all my drawings and collages 🖌✂️🎨 just below it's a drawing I did at the Evolution Gallery in Paris, I like so much this museum!

@dreamingsnowflake2013 @naminchan @sometime-in-1995

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

It’s tragic Nakyum is Seungho’s last lifeline, the only semblance Seungho has to anything healthy and functional (his own family wants to exorcise him), because Nakyum shouldn’t be dealing with this, but if he decides he would, he should know what he is getting himself into.

The betrayal of trust cuts deep, even deeper than the physical pain, because Nakyum’s truly given his heart to Seungho and had expectations. He wholeheartedly believed Seungho’s promise and it’s fitting that now he is literally pushing Seungho away - the only thing Seungho asked him to promise him not to do.

For the first time ever, Seungho is openly disgusted with himself and scared of himself for hurting Nakyum, as much as frightened that he might have fucked everything up for good. After finding out the truth about the kidnapping he regretted his action, now his self-loathing is clear.

He never apologized for their first time or the rape at the pavillion, blaming Nakyum for it. Even after the kidnapping, he said he is someone who can’t apologize, but now Seungho is accepting all the blame and apologizing sincerely and so inaptly because he doesn’t know how.

Nakyum is the one who’s been hurt but it’s Seungho who is trembling and scared shitless, both of hurting Nakyum and losing him. He looks like a dog who messed up and nuzzles his master’s hand in a desperate attempt to make amends as he begs for forgiveness - the remorse and guilt apparent in every word and body language. Accepting the blame and responsibility and the fact that he is not alright are a huge character development and first steps towards healing.

The perfect precious human being that is Nakyum! Even though he is in such pain, the moment he sees Seungho’s bloodied hand, his heart goes out to him, all his concern for him. This boy’s goodness and love are immeasurable.

On a final note: 

Joseon’s Most Influential Personality of the Year - Baek Nakyum. 

It seems Nakyum has singlehandedly underminded the entire Joseon society and caste system since 5 of Top 10 most powerful men in Joseon are after him just because Yoon Seungho protects him, loves him and fucks him.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Nakyum has his own AU where he allows himself to love Seungho openly to hs heart’s content! Proving that it costs him all his willpower not to laugh and hold Seungho each time he sees him.

Nakyum not only acknowledges that he’s already given his heart to Seungho (when he leaned in for the kiss he was only following his heart), but also that he feels loved  by Seungho, having his love reciprocated is a first time for him, and that Seungho is his last love and no one can compare.

Nakyum is hugging Seungho’s duvet, imagining it’s his lover, using it as a substitute for him, dry humping his itty bitty hips against it, fantasizing they are between Seungho’s muscular thighs, his groins against Seungho’s, and he’s being enveloped in his strong but gentle embrace. Inhaling Seungho’s lingering scent, imagining his powerful body moving under him and his skillful tongue inside him,… just the mere thought and fantasy of it makes Nakyum’s tippy toes curl in pleasure.

The reality is such a stark contrast to Nakyum’s fantasies and his memories of Seungho’s earlier gentle lovemaking. No more loving and playful eyes and smiles, Seungho doesn’t allow him to see his face, the whole time.

This is a genuine mental illness caused by Seungho’s unresolved trauma. It’s like he is in a daze, completely out of control, when he can’t think. It’s like a fit and seizure during which he doesn’t merely hurt others but himself, as well. That’s the real tragedy of it. His only thought is to get rid of this pain the only way he can and which worked in the past. Just look how convulsively he holds Nakyum, like he has spasms. It might seem like 10 steps back, but unlike when he hurt Nakyum in the past, this is something outside of Seungho’s control.

It’s a trance-like state where Seungho can’t feel Nakyum’s touch or hear his voice, his mind’s completely blank, all he comprehends is the need to seek relief and comfort the only way he knows, except for opium, so much that he doesn’t allow Nakyum participation, which Seungho always craved, only submission.  His father’s message always triggers Seungho and sends him spiraling and instinctively seeking comfort in Nakyum, clinging onto him for dear life.

This is a man whose mental illness has never been cured or properly treated. You don’t need a PhD in clinical psychiatry to see it.What could have even healed him? Herbal medicine? Shamanism? Functional family and healthy friendships he doesn’t have? Or the therapy that doesn’t exist?

In the past, it only took a mere touch from Nakyum and Seungho stopped immediately,not now. It’s not because he would change his mind out of nowhere, after months of restrain and being tame as a lamb,he CAN’T even change his mind because he isn’t in control of it, showing it’s not deliberate.

When the veil of madness and pain falls from his eyes, Seungho wakes up from his stupor and, horrified, realizes what he’s done and fucked up. How he broke his promise not only to Nakyum but to himself, thinking he broke Nakyum’s trust and hurt him and that his lover lies under him silent and unresponsive.

Just like with Seungho, we never see Nakyum’s expression during the sex scene, except for one panel. So the biggest cliffhanger is whether Seungho has really hurt him, leading to a lost of trust, or if it’s merely a shock at the rough and sudden sex, while he’s enjoying himself hidden from the readers’ view, and Seungho may end up more frightened by it than Nakyum.

This is a perfect example how a great author can create an explixit sex scene without it being gratuitous to tell, explore and develop the story and a relationship. It’s ambiguous and the readers have a limited POV since a lot is hidden from them, including the character’s expressions. How it will end? Will the fact that Byeonduck showed Nakyum being horny and fingering himself, thus being prepared to some extent when Seungho entered him, and him saying ‘wait’, instead of 'stop’ play a role? Or will everything go down the drain and back to square one again? Also, Nakyum’s tears has been proven to be an extremely unreliable hint considering he cries even when he’s enjoying the sex. This episode contains hints which support both theories.

What strikes me the most about this particular spoiler picture after episode 81 is not the snot (suggesting it might be Nakyum), but the blush on the cheek. People don’t blush when they are scared or disappointed so it’s possible episode 82 won’t go the way some people think it might.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

Seungho has experienced the worst kind of child abuse the guise of conversion therapy at the hands of his own father - imprisoned, tortured, beaten like a slave on a straw mat,… - it’s not suprising he is fucked up, it’s shocking he is still alive. And he still haven’t given in until the end.

Judging from the purple robe, Seungho comes to Nakyum right after confronting Mr. Kim to seek comfort from him -  from his nearness, his scent, his touch,… - it seems Nakyum truly is the balm for Seungho’s damaged soul.

Seungho has wanted desperately for a long time to have someone who would be only his - someone loyal to him, someone to love him. He chose Nakyum and that’s why he used to be so extremely jealous at IH and possessive of Nakyum. Seungho wants Nakyum and his heart to belong to him alone.

Seungho is drawn to Nakyum like a moth to the flame, like an addict trying to stay away but always caves in to steal a few moments to make him survive until he sees Nakyum again.He gives him only feather-like, impossibly gentle touches as if he were afraid he might break Nakyum otherwise or that he wouldn’t be able to leave if he took more. The man who couldn’t deny himself anything has now a control of steal. And then he just leaves, like a fleeting dream vanishing before the dawn.

Seungho gives the word ‘whipped’ a completely new meaning. If he is not with Nakyum, he’s stalking him and eavesdropping on him, curious about everything that is Nakyum and remembering everything Nakyum said. He even plans to make up for the lost time when they didn’t known each other and do with Nakyum all those things Nakyum loved to do with others. He wants to become his family, like the kisaengs used to be. The most poignant thing about it is that he is both pretty much asking Nakyum on a date and planning their future together. Seungho sees himself having a future with Nakyum.

I wonder how long they are going to sustain this pretense, this game they play, where Seungho is aware Nakyum is awake and Nakyum allows Seungho everything he wants to do, with both of them pining for more but afraid to talk about it in fear of destroying the status quo.

It was snowing diamond snow at the end of S2, meaning it was February, now it’s raining and the snow is melting so it must be March. Like can we talk about HOW YOON SEUNGHO, THE WALKING MALE ORGAN, HAS BEEN CELIBATE FOR WEEKS BECAUSE HE’S BEEN WOOING HIS BRIDE?!

[videoclubs]

HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE (2004) dir. Hayao Miyazaki concept sketches / final result

[theprocrastinatingredkitty]

I’m revisiting this particular scene in c74 and I noticed some telling details about the hands.

We can tell the ones with the veiny and thicker hands are from older men, four of them, to be exact

And then there is one odd hand that differs from the others

That one hand doesn’t have any sign of age, and seems to be the hand of any young to middle-aged man. One hand that is out of the frame suggests age judging by the sagging lines on the arm, but I have doubts, as it can be a shadow. Or not.

But what does this tell us? 👀 It means that one of the ministers is someone around In-Hun’s present age (maybe even younger) at the time that 13-year-old Seungho was raped

That minister would have to be younger than his father at the present timeline

Now. What IF, this particularly younger minister catches wind of In-Hun’s passing of the examinations and managed to get info of Seungho through In-Hun? Take note that the last part of the exams were held in the palace, before all the ministers and sometimes even the king

These ministers will surely take notice of this unheard of scholar from the countryside with no rich background who suddenly got into the daegwa, the final part of the civil exams, and even more so once they find out this countryside scholar is backed by Seungho. One of Min’s friends already leaked this info, and probably even more so at the palace once the daegwa is held. The ministers will take notice of In-Hun and will try to reconnect with Seungho, probably to ask him why he is involving himself in politics through supporting a scholar, but In-Hun will try to downplay Seungho’s hold on In-Hun as he’d try to butter up with these ministers to get a high post

The younger minister might get curious and try to get to the bottom of this issue, and through there he might find out about an odd existence by Seungho’s side, a lowborn painter who had managed to capture Seungho’s heart. Seeing as these ministers have taken a then young boy as their prey, they might think that this lowborn must be pretty on the eyes and will try to get more info on this strange painter by a noble’s side

In-Hun tends to spill his innermost thoughts when he thinks he’s at an advantage in a situation, and he probably thinks mentioning some student he had who is illiterate at some point is no big deal, but these ministers will be on to something similar to Min’s current obsession on Na-Kyum. In-Hun will spill his thoughts to the scholars at some point if he passes the exam, he’d do everything he can to catch their attention and shake Seungho off his back once he gets a high post, trying to blackmail him if he finds out about the thing with the ministers. Take note that scholars have banquets at the palace, and people are bound to be looselipped

But he’s unaware of the bigger trap if he finds out: the king himself is involved.

If In-Hun thinks he could sell Na-Kyum to the scholars like how Yoon dad did to Seungho (remember that they are mirror characters) once he finds out the scholars and some nobles want Na-Kyum, then we should also anticipate two things:

1. Seungho will retaliate with the rage of a dragon, probably raise an army of bandits who had suffered injustice (oh yes, I’M GOING THERE). I’m talking about Nameless, as he had already witnessed that SH and NK are in mutual affection. He’d redeem himself for his crimes in exchange that Jihwa should be spared, as he had been manipulated by Min. How this might play out is still up for debate

2. Na-Kyum gains power through Seungho and will use said power to defend himself from these lechers. Seungho will def help him, of course. Education, maybe even self-defense and some things about laws. But if push comes to shove and Seungho can’t swerve away from the law (as he’d have to threaten a bunch of powerful families), then he’d have to be a scholar himself to face these people head-on, another version of Seungho barging in on a noble’s household to defend Na-Kyum. An old man will then hear of this scandal—one angry Elder Yoon. Father and son will face off, one will demand to leave the premises of the palace, and the other will threaten the father for daring to hurt and sell him when he was young. All of this will be seen by In-Hun, and will make it a leverage to coax Na-Kyum to stay away from Seungho as faux concern—a second version of Heena wanting to take her brother away from the Yoon household. Na-Kyum will refuse as he had made the house his home (similar to SH who had refused to leave town prior to meeting NK out of being shackled by his father), SH will find out about this, and all hell will break loose

One young scholar will know of this, the one who had been one of Seungho’s molestors, and will use IH to make NK as his

/thoughts of this farfetched prediction? 🤣