𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝

― ALEX GASKARTH ; xxxi. i hear your voice in FLASHBACKS. you act like it NEVER happened. dynamite and whiplash, kill me with your favorite weapon. so happy anniversary, now POINT the finger back at me. BROKENHEARTED surgery, you don't know what you do to me. but i can feel you all the way from my COFFIN in la. when i'm six feet underneath my misery, come and hit me with adrenaline come and hit me with adrenaline. come on, hit me, could you hit me when i'm six feet underneath my misery? come and hit me with adrenaline. biting on a cigarette, ditch me like a dirty habit. run your mouth and lose your head. you're so idiosyncratic.

[axgaskarths]

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: Unfortunately, I am.

Jack: I can't sleep either.

Jack: I also had too many White Claws and the bumpiness is making me a bit nauseous.

Alex: Whoops, sorry. I definitely thought you were sleeping.

Alex: Want me to get you anything? Some meds? I can hold your hair back if you need to puke.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Alex: This bus is too fucking bumpy and I can't sleep for shit

Alex: Are you awake?

Alex: Jaaaaaaaaaaack

Alex: Jack

Alex: JACK

Alex: Wake up

Alex: Goddammit dude, wake the fuck up.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Alex: And we're happy to have you back. Please don't ever leave me alone with those fucking lunatics ever again.

Alex: The whole situation is weird. I have no idea who this Megan person is or when/where she popped up. I think she's someone's friend? Not sure who though. All of a sudden I was hanging out with her and that was that. I mean, she's cool. She just kind of... appeared.

Jack: Dude I'm sorry for leaving you to fend for yourself against these lunatics. I can only imagine how much worse they were while I was gone.

Jack: I literally have no idea who this girl is either. She came up and hugged me and acted like we were best friends. I was drunk so I went along with it. Next thing I know, she's taking me to lunch and I have no idea what's going on. I think she's Alexis's friend. But like where did she come from? And why is she lusting over Rian so much? I mean, hello. I'M RIGHT HERE.

Alex: You wouldn't believe it. You know how they are - as soon as they sense someone is sad or in a bad mood, they go above and beyond what's necessary to cheer you up. It was obnoxious.

Alex: We went to lunch too!!!!! What the fuck? Is she taking all of us to lunch? Is she trying to win us over? I mean, I will happily join anyone for lunch, but I feel like there's something crazy going on here. And at what point did Alexis fly a friend out, too? Have we just spent all this time not paying attention? I have so many unanswered questions. No, no. You're right. I don't get it. I know he has a perfect body, great teeth, and a cute face to boot but like... why him?

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: Yeah, of course. At the end of the day, I don't think I would ever have it in me to walk away from the band. I just needed some time away to put things into perspective. But I'm glad to be back.

Jack: Things may be weird with us, but at least we're not Rian. I still have no idea what the fuck happened with him and Shay. Plus where this Megan chick came from. I'm not complaining because she's cool and I'm happy they seem to be hitting it off. I'm just sitting back, sipping my White Claw, and watching it all unfold.

Alex: And we're happy to have you back. Please don't ever leave me alone with those fucking lunatics ever again.

Alex: The whole situation is weird. I have no idea who this Megan person is or when/where she popped up. I think she's someone's friend? Not sure who though. All of a sudden I was hanging out with her and that was that. I mean, she's cool. She just kind of... appeared.

[axgaskarths]

goatdaddy: megan! so great hanging out today. always a fun time 

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Alex: Hey man.

Alex: I don't know if I've said this to you recently, but thanks for hanging out with us still and going back on tour with us. All of this wouldn't be the same without you and I'm so glad to have you here.

Alex: I know things are weird between us still, but always remember I'm just a bunk above yours always.

[axgaskarths]

𝐬𝐦𝐬 ↺ 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦

Taylor: Not going to lie, I'm very high right now and had to process who tf this text was from for a few moments.

Taylor: Like Bren and I are smoking and we have toys hidden around our house essentially. So like I had a moment of paranoia wondering who you are and how you know this intimate detail of my life.

Taylor: Well now you do know this intimate detail because of my word vomit and high thoughts.

Taylor: But hello Alex. Who left you a dildo as a gift? The dildo fairy? Jack maybe?

Alex: Why do you guys have toys hidden around your house? What if you have guests over and they go to grab a pillow, only to reveal a dildo hidden behind it? And don't you guys have a mini zoo over there? What if they get ahold of one of your toys?!

Alex: I officially know too much about you and your relationship. I love you and all but... I know too much now.

Alex: That's what I'm trying to figure out. I accidentally touched it while I was unpacking but I tossed it on the ground immediately once I realized what it was. I'm not touching that shit!

[axgaskarths]

𝐬𝐦𝐬 ↺ 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦

Demi: What you do in your life is your business, honey.

Demi: But also, what is happening?

Demi: What kind of dildo?

Demi: Is it the same kind as the one I have? 👀

Alex: Demi.

Alex: Demi, please.

Alex: Please re-read that last text to yourself again. And then re-read it again. Then two more times after that, for good measure.

Alex: How would *I* know what your dildo looks like?

[axgaskarths]

𝐬𝐦𝐬 ↺ 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦

Alex: Who the fuck packed their fucking dildo in my bag?

Alex: On that note, who brings a dildo to a camp site?! Who is out here fucking in the desert heat?!

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: All I'm asking is for you to respect my feelings and my decision. Maybe in the future things will change. But this is just what I need right now. Otherwise, I'm afraid of what I'll end up doing to myself.

Jack: Alex, I'm always going to love you. And that's the problem. From my position here, I've always came in second place. And just when I thought after years of struggling and proving myself, I was finally inching up into first place with the finish line in sight. And at the last moment, it's like Lisa gained momentum and took the lead and the win at the last moment. It's a terrible metaphor, but you get the point.

Alex: Okay. I understand that even if I don't want it, I have to respect it. Please take care of yourself. I know I'm not the person you'll want to talk to whatsoever, but I'm here for you if you need me.

Alex: I get you win. I hate it. She's very calculated and it sucks and it's fucked with us too many times now. I never expected it to get to this point, but it has and all I can say is I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I know sorry doesn't do much of anything in a situation like this, but I'll say it until I'm blue in the face and believe me.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: Would you prefer for me to stick around and be miserable then? Because that hasn't gone well for my thus far.

Jack: You're the one that doesn't care to listen to me and how I feel. You're the one that's done this to me. I've given you EVERYTHING and I'm coming out of here with absolutely nothing left. I have nothing left to give.

Alex: No. I want you to be happy in any way possible. If this is what you think will make you happy, then I can't stand in your way of getting it. We're all going to miss you though.

Alex: I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm not sure it makes a difference anymore and I'm just wasting my breath at this point, but I do love you. I'm in love with you. No mistake or anything can change that and I hope you know that. Whatever time you need, you take it. Just know I'll be here waiting for the day you come back, if you do.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: I feel like you don't understand my point of view here. This isn't a decision I made in the spur of the moment. I've had a lot of time to think out here and also talk to some people to help put things in perspective for me.

Jack: I never said that you PLANNED for this to happen. But it did. And we can't just sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. I just don't understand why you even slept with her in the first place. I don't think I'll ever understand. I'm not thinking rationally? Well please, tell me all the rational ideas that you have here and how you think they'll pan out.

Alex: I don't. I never will. In my mind, the band comes before everything. Everything we've built has been done together. I can't imagine throwing that away for any reason, let along this easily.

Alex: I've tried to explain the situation a number of times. If you don't care to listen to me or just choose to ignore me, that's on you. It is what it is, I guess. Clearly your mind is set on all of this and I don't know what more I can say to convince you of anything anymore.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: It's not fair to anyone, Alex. I wouldn't even consider leaving the band unless I was in a substantial amount of pain and needed to separate myself from the source of it. I've literally never put myself first in my entire life and this is finally me putting myself first for once. Especially after being used to being second best for so fucking long.

Jack: Do you realize how selfish you sound right now? You keep saying you want nothing to do with her. Yet why did you even sleep with her and cause her to get pregnant in the first place? If you were really done with her and if you really wanted to be with me, then you never would have done something like that. And the sad part is, it's not even the first time I've been tossed to the side for Lisa. This time, you just made sure to make it more permanent and find a way for her to stick around forever. You haven't even asked me how I feel about a child. What if I want nothing to do with Lisa and this child? When then, Alex? Of course, you didn't think about that. Because you never do. You only think of yourself and no one else. Even if I did want something to do with you and Lisa's child, what the fuck would I even be to them? UNCLE Jack? That would just feel like a fucking slap in the face after everything we've been through.

Jack: Everything is so fucking complicated and things would just be easier if I removed myself from the band, okay?

Alex: I guess if that's what you want to do, I can't stop you. Even though I want you to stay with everything in me, that just doesn't sound like it's a possibility anymore. You sound like you have your mind set on this.

Alex: Because I was feeling a lot of things when it happened, Jack. You know how easy it's always been for her to manipulate me. What happened happened and I had no idea she was going to get pregnant that night. We hadn't tried in the past so she really did all of this to ruin us, but you don't see it that way. This was so obviously plotted and put together by her, and you're mad at me about it. I know with everything in me that the last thing I wanted with her was a baby, I was in the process of leaving her. Why the fuck would I do this on purpose? I never said you needed to have any interaction with Lisa at all. I don't even want to have any interaction with her. You're thinking way too ahead of what's currently going on right now, Jack. And you aren't thinking rationally either. There are so many options out there and so many routes that we can take and you won't even bother to listen to them because you're pissed at me. This news was just dropped on me as well, it's a lot to process.

Alex: Fine. Whatever.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: Alex, I'm not ready to be in the same room with you quite yet. It's just too painful for me to even think about right now. I'm just trying to do what's best for me so I can just heal for once and try to move on.

Jack: It's too little too late though. Lisa is pregnant for christ sake. That's just the end of the line. I've given everything that I have to give and I just can't anymore. I'm just physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. You were the one that kept us from being a thing the moment you slept with Lisa and got her pregnant.

Alex: And why do you have to essentially leave the band for you to move on? Take some time away. Take all the time you need, but don't leave the band for good. It's not fair to any of us to but especially Rian and Zack. You're putting them through this because of something that happened with us and they don't deserve that.

Alex: Why can't I have both? Why can't I have this baby with Lisa and have you? I want nothing to do with her in any sense that isn't just strictly co-parenting this child with her. Or even getting full rights of it. I haven't thought it all through yet but I know that there's a way I can have you and a kid.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: I just think that we shouldn't draw out the inevitable any longer, you know? I think it's best for all of us if I just cut ties with the band for the time being.

Jack: I'm fine. It's fine. Really I was just posting those pictures as a reminder before I delete them. A reminder to myself that what we had was good while it lasted. But it really was nothing more than a dream. It's time to wake up and accept reality now.

Alex: No. I'm not letting this happen. Or if it's going to happen, it's not going to happen over text. This is something we have to discuss with all the guys in person. We aren't us without you.

Alex: We can still have that. I told you that I'm more than willing to put in the work. It's you that's keeping us from being a thing right now. I love you, Jack. Seeing those pictures hurt just as much as it hurt you, I'm sure.

[axgaskarths]

text ↬ alex 💔

Jack: Yeah I guess.

Jack: I've just been thinking that maybe I should step away from the band a little more permanently. Maybe you should look into hiring a new lead guitarist for the time being. That way I won't hold you guys back anymore or anything. Because I'm just not in the headspace to dedicate myself as much as normally right now.

Alex: What are you talking about? We're making it work. We've made it work just fine since all the shit happened. We can still keep recording this way for as long as you're comfortable with doing so.

Alex: I saw your instagram, by the way. I hope you aren't drinking alone or you at least have someone you can call that can come and be with you. I miss you, Jack, and I'm sorry I fucked up. We're both hurting but I still care about you a lot and the thought of you drinking alone and numbing the feelings out kills me.