One of the biggest lies we’ve been fed through popular culture, media, deviant political ideologies, and ignorant people, to be frank, are sex stereotypes about men that suggests the only thing men care about when it comes to women and relationships is sex.
This LIE is incredibly toxic, especially in the marital context.
I have seen so many relationships erode or completely destroyed over the years in part because of this LIE.
1. First of all, men are NOT a monolith. How many times do we hear language about men and male behavior that lumps all men together? How many times have you heard other women say things like:
“All men want is to get in a girl’s pants,” or
“All men are wired to think about sex 24-7,” or
“Men are so predatory,” or
“Men are unfeeling and insensitive.”
Like any stereotype, these are damaging, dangerous, and completely unfair.
NO, all men are NOT the same.
NO, all men do NOT behave the same.
NO, all men should not bear the blame for the actions of other men.
And although these types of statements are generally followed by context that may sound convincing, they do NOT justify the maligning of an entire group of people. Just as we complain about the negative stereotypes men often perpetuate about women and female behavior, we too must speak out when it’s done to men. Double-standards are hypocritical and undermine us all.
We have to recognize that all negative stereotypes about men and women have a detrimental effect on our collective psyche and consequently our relationships.
So when we turn a blind eye, or worse, make these statements ourselves, we are complicit in the harm they cause.
2. Secondly, the idea that “most men” are emotionless, insensitive, sex-fiends is an insult on not only men but also against God who created them.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Quran 30:21]
He placed between US BOTH affection and mercy. These are beautiful qualities that women alone do not have a monopoly over just because we have a womb.
Furthermore, who was the Most Beloved ﷺ to God? Was he not given the title, "The Mercy to the Universe”? Was he not the most compassionate, loving, patient, kind, thoughtful, beautiful, human being to ever cross this world. And was he not a MAN?
So can we stop perpetuating these horrible ideas that completely diminish God’s creation into nothing but a beast who is driven by carnal desire alone?
Yes, it’s true that some men have a challenge opening up emotionally, but that is NOT proof that they do not feel. Maybe they haven’t learned the communication skills that would allow them to open up more. Maybe they express their feelings in other ways, not just words. Maybe they don’t feel safe being vulnerable so they shut down emotionally. There could be a plethora of reasons why, but to just interpret his silence or inability to express with words as him being devoid of emotion, is cruel and unfair.
3. Thirdly, know that shaitan’s ultimate goal is to RUIN YOU. And one of his biggest tactics is to destroy your relationships. Why? Because if he isolates you, if he turns you into the ultimate victim by turning your heart against everyone who loves you, he’s got you exactly where he wants you. ALONE and miserable. Just like HIM.
So what does he do? He starts filling your head and heart with all of these horrible ideas. He starts sowing the seeds of distrust and suspicion in your heart. He convinces you of the worst so that you refuse to see any good.
So that when there is tension in your marriage and your husband may try to touch your hand, kiss your cheek, or offer you a hug, instead of considering the possibility that maybe he is just testing the waters, that maybe he is scared of setting you off and upsetting you, that maybe he doesn’t have the words yet but he’s trying to reach you in the most direct way possible, what do you do?
You convince yourself that “ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS THAT! SEE, HE DOESN’T LOVE ME! HE JUST WANTS TO USE ME! I’M NOTHING BUT AN OBJECT TO HIM!”
You shut him out, and another, possibly even bigger fight ensues.
So where did you get that idea from? Why did you assume the worst about his intentions?
Because you’ve been conditioned to think this way. It’s all part of a greater demonic agenda to turn men and women against each other, to use these types of stereotypes to make us hate one another.
We all HAVE to resist and pushback. Men and women. We have to be better. We have to stop looking at one another through these toxic lenses. And we have to stop adopting any divisive language that is pushed upon us by others.
All of us, men and women, need to become more emotionally intelligent and better versed about gender differences. We need to study one another and explore the beautiful differences between us. And we need to respect those differences, not use them to attack each other.
May God bring our hearts clarity, and may we find ways to foster mutual respect and understanding. Amin.
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