So I made a "side blog" to make sure this gets seen, it seems to have been removed from their post that I reblogged.
There is a lot to unpack here, first off the incident with your server, I've already admit to multiple times that I was in the middle of a mental break down when the incident with Hades happened. That it was my fault, I spoke more at length about this with "my best friend" because we talked more, but I was actively suicidal. I apologized to both you and her.
"Blaming you" for my server falling apart, I never said a word to you about it until you came on my server complaining about someone making a server from your server and all the activity on yours dying, and then I pointed out that's what you did on my server. You specifically have a rule about not making new servers from your server now because of this. And I more blamed it on the death of our VA project.
I did the night the server was made go to mu friend because I was having a panic attack associating it with the shit Hickory did. *Beacsue we were friends* I never asked them to delete the server or not continue with the project.
Nothing I ever said was meant as a guilt trip to you, I remember specifically telling you that you'd done nothing wrong.
Now as for me joining yours, I never really wanted to, but did anyway because I didn't want to disappoint my friend. They put a lot of pressure on me, and after I snapped I was clearer with my feelings, Something they said they wanted.
Even later tho when they tried to blame themselves for the incident I took 100% responsibility. I did have some bad medication, and it had me really screwed up mentally and physically. I communicated all of this to both of you. Also I don't ever remember asking for Lee to be kicked, I'll go back over our dms and make sure, but I specifically remember venting to them because they were an owner and my friend. I may be wrong tho I was not myself during that time and actively suicidal (said friend actually asked me what my plan was tho, so that was nice)
Yeah my behavior on your server was shit, that's part of why I never attempted to go back even after I got my medication straight. I've already apologized to you both over the incident I'm not sure what else you want from me there. If you still had issue with me after that you could have come to me instead of pulling this
The incident with Hickory, no it was another not proud moment of mine, she had me so on edge I was afraid to talk on my own server, this is the time period my friend and I started talking more in DMs. Yeah I blew up, but I'd found I'd been lied to, and had people going behind my back, purposely keeping secrets from me. and again I'd apologized for my explosive reaction. Hickory did a lot of damage but I at first didn't talk about her at all. I never attempted to "turn everyone against her" we had a night where we mutually vented about the situation. I didn’t go out warning people away from her, she was gone and I just wanted to move on. It's nothing like what you're attempting to do to me now. And like you noted, I tried to reach out to her to talk things out, before things got bad.
As for your issues with me and joining in on HC discussions on the server, I was sharing my opinions just the same as you guys were. I never silenced anyone, I could have just kicked people I disagreed with. in fact one incident got out of hand because I didn't want to just kick them. If me disagreeing with your head.canon is enough to make you not want to use it, then I'm sorry but maybe you put to much stock into my opinion. That was one of the issues I had with Hickory, she sought me out as a source of validation and I couldn't be that for her.
As for the incident of running someone off the server, again yes I argued with them, but Hickory is the one that was super aggressive. I should have acted sooner and removed her as a mod but I didn't because she had me afraid. But ultimately the person ran off had devolved into personal attacks rather than debating the characters merit and that was major no no.
Its also part of the reason I removed you as a mod, which by the way I was hesitant to do anyway, because you were a minor, but our friend talked me into it. I didn't want a repeat of regretting how things went with Hickory.
As for the incident with Jamil and Kalim’s recolor, I made that comment, because they seemed to be going for more Canon accurate not just looking to make them darker for dark skin Arab rep. Because that card was ridiculous.
As for the comment about the weird HC with 500, I never specifically said what it was. and it was in comparison to the like 20 notes my friend had gotten on a gorgeous peice of artwork. I also was trash talking the memes I made that got a lot of notes. I think you're really trying hard here with that one.
As for my thoughts of trans Cater, there was a reason I never wrote it, I admitted it was a bad idea. I wasn't Trans and couldn't represent it properly. And I wasn't adding trauma, the stuff with his sisters is written into his character.
As for my thoughts on race swapping in general, my argument was that it wasn’t right to yell at someone who may draw say Leona a little lighter because they identify with him, and wanted him to look more like them, and yet turn around and race sawp another character. I personally also prefer characters as the races they are presented in game, but expressed that was a personal preference. My major issue was the ",It's okay when I do it, but not when they do it" mentality.
As for the Vampire thing I'm very confused, there wasn't much of anything said after the earlier raid, and when you left. I never called anyone a vampire (and why would I use that degotory I like vampires, I made Cater one?) and I would never dismiss someone's fight with cancer. Cancer sucks, I've lost a lot of people in my life to it.
I think that was most of the major points, and again I don't know why you let any of this go on so long rather than talking with me. You never said a word about how you felt, when I'd been honest with mine.
Addon: Being upset about the Riddles mom is Cater’s doctor thing is so weird. I said that cuz I'd made their mother's friends because rich and powerful women, had nothing to do with them being in the same country. You forget *mirror travel* exists .