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Had the dumbest argument with Henry -__-

Is facetiming for an hour that bad?

What I want is not enough but also what I do is never enough. Will I ever be satisfied or content?

If there really is a god out there, please take me somewhere else. Please take me to a world thats less complicated. Living as a girl is hard enough. Why do I have to feel emotions so strongly? If I cared less, would it hurt less?

I’ve heard the words: emotional, overreacting, sensitive. But really it’s all pointing towards crazy right? Pushing to tomorrow expecting a new day will calm the storm. Will that really help? So what’ll happen tonight where my mind eats away at what I barely have left. I want to tell you what I’m feeling and thinking but it’ll make you angry and hurt. I can’t talk about my past as if its a forbidden topic. With arguments similarities are bound to happen, so how am I supposed to react. This isn’t an excuse it’s a painful past I have to carry forever. No matter how many times I smile, I’m still damaged. I’m no fixer. I’m doing my best at things but it never feels like its good enough because it bites me back. All my effort goes to waste, doesn’t it? What’s the point in being genuine.. I really don’t want to be in this state. Relationships are hard; my mind grows tired. What is even normal anymore? Because I’m not. I hate it when my feelings are brushed aside, shut down, and disregarded. These words won’t matter.

im sure the amount of tears i’ve shed in my life can fill up a river for a village

Tiffany, why do you center your self-value around mere men? You are more than that. They are who are truly holding you back. Why do you help them? Why do you care?

I care to be loved. Familial love is all I know. I want to dedicate myself to someone in this journey to keep me motivated in order to move forward.

Maybe, you need to love yourself more. More than he will ever love you. Tiffany make yourself #1 in your heart. You will walk this adventure independently from start to finish.

One day, just one

I’ll take a deep slumber forever

And in that moment when I fall into the pit of black

Everything will feel just right

It will feel set in place

Who I am will be who I was

What I am will be what I was

I won’t need to find a purpose because there it will all make sense in my nothingness

All my scars and wounds will lift off

Every inch of pain I’ve come across will not matter

Because I am nothing and I have become finally nothing

A boy from outerspace

A girl with a clumsy heart

The two drift away

Not far apart

Tracing eachothers steps

Reminiscing ones line

We came to a conclusion that

Our meeting was the perfect time

You are so silly that I could scream

With you, is truly a rollercoaster

Where I am actually looking forward to the dips and trips

If riding with you was always this fun

Why didn’t I find this place sooner?

Meeting you was a bluff

A innocent arrangement in disguise

But it was enchanting

If I were to see you again

Would I fall for it once more?

I am feeling lost without your touch

Care to hand me some guidance

Could this be the one that could end my search for a purposeful existence?

Stages of Heartbreak

1. Confusion

2. Shock

3. Regret

4. Jealousy

5. Denial

6. Sadness

7. Madness

My heart is full and my mind went blank.

Do I deserve this?

You say not to treat you like a monster but tell me why I see horns of the devil on your head. Tell me why those abusive memories keep haunting back at me, inflicting my every move I make. Tell me why I live in fear more than ever and how I am in an emotional wreck because of how I was treated. You are more than just a monster.

Don’t share negative things.

I don’t think I can do this, liking you. Even if I am over him, I still have these wounds that never healed. I’m too sensitive; I really need to explain this to him.

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