why why do i still think about the small little things that happened to me that to anybody else would mean anything? actually i do know. its the only time these things happened to me and nobody could ever relate to how it feels if you have never been loved. so every little touch, word or motion can mean so much to me and i will forever think about it even though it was something completely meaningless. i feel so fucking dumb and desperate. i am confident in myself most of the times but why why doesnt anybody ever see the things in me that i see in myself. have i just been lying to myself all the time? i dont get it it makes me go insane. how fucking pathethic am i. standing here on the balcony in my underwear still thinking about guys that actually have never liked me but just because they showed a little tiny interest i fell head over heals with them and am not able to forget anything because i have never been shown any signs of affection. because nobody loves me i fucking hate myself. yes honestly i think this is the main reason why i hate myself and i want to die. i always think im such a good person but when i dont see anybody approving of that i dont fucking get ir and starz hating myself what the fuck. i really dont know what is wrong with me. or anybody else. maybe i should just fucking die. i never wanted to die because i thought the most beaufituful thing in life, which is love, is still waiting for me. but everyday i realize more, or at least it seems like, love wont get to me. so what is the point anyways. i ask god: why cant nodbody love me? not even some sign of affection? what is wrong with me? i always thougght im not a bad person so why cant i deserve it? please fucking end this i have no strengh anymore please where are you please save me i love you



















