Oh, hello.
Guess Iām back on my tumblr bullshit again, maybe?

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@backyarditarian
Oh, hello.
Guess Iām back on my tumblr bullshit again, maybe?
I drew a quick little comics essay today about a topic near and dear to my heart: horror for kids!
Or,Ā āwhy some kids like to read books that scare them, and why you should let them.ā
āIf my life wasnāt funny, it would just be true. And that is completely unacceptable.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Carrie Fisher āØ
I love her. I miss her.
i really relate to snakesā¦i too wanna eat several times my body weight & take a nap in the sun
And then take of your whole skin at once to reveal a new one and leave the old one behind?
see u get it
I too wish to unhinge my jaw and consume an egg wholeĀ
u get it a little less
I too wish my rear end could rattle when I shake it and scare off potential threats
ok now iām back on board
I perform an entire 45 minute dance solo about the whole shedding your skin thing! (It may involve putting glue on my hands to peel off because I am sometimes 10, even though I am actually 45.)
Weird Questions
If Iām somewhere where there are Educational Personell (Museum Docents, Q&A zookeepers, Park Rangers, Public School Teachers, Professors etc.) I have a question I like to ask them:
āWhatās the weirdest question someoneās ever asked you?ā
I say weird and not Dumb becuase even buckwild questions can have important answers, but whoever I ask it too usually has to think about it for a bit, then comes out with something different every time.Ā And I love every single answer becuase it just warms my heart out there to know people are trying to understand the world a bit better, no matter how limited thier starting point. A collection of favorites so far:
Art Museum Host: āA man once asked meĀ āCan you help me find someone and if you canāt can you find someone who can?āĀ Which I always thought would be a great title for an Artwork.ā
Park Ranger:Ā āIām so glad the Japanese couple asked meĀ āIs bear spray like mosquito spray and it goes on the jacket, or on the bear?ā instead of just trying it.ā
Zookeeper:Ā āA man once pointed at the live red-tailed hawk I had out for a demo and asked meĀ āArenāt those extinct?ā We eventually figured out he meantĀ āEndangeredā but I hear that question every time I see a redtail now.ā
Primary School Teacher:Ā āAbout every other year a student asks me what part of the school I sleep in at night, because clearly I live here.Ā I tell them I sleep under the bleachers in the gym but itās actually the Nurseās office.ā
Professor:Ā āA student asked meĀ āSo how do I use this in a conversation when my aunt is wine-drunk at thanksgiving and being a jerk again?ā Which honestly is a fair question about philosophy and really changed how I teach rhetoric.ā
Natural History Docent:Ā āA woman once asked me what the difference between a Million and a Billion was.Ā Kinda pieced together that sheād just left her church for her safety, and was learning about Earthās Natural History for the first time. Nobody else was there because it had been snowing, so I walked her through the Hall Of Time and answered as many questions as I could.Ā She was bewildered, but really trying. It always struck me as a really brave thing, to try to understand all of that while fresh out of a dangerous situation. I hope it helped.ā
Forensic Scientist:Ā Ā āPeople ask me how to commit murder all the time, but if you really hate someone, stealing thier identity causes much more suffering and is a lot harder to get caught at. A guy did ask me if working at a body farm was creepy and did not like that it was ok until you learned that decayed human fingers are a deerās favorite midwinter snack.ā
Zookeeper:Ā āPeople call us becuase they think theyāve found an escaped animal all the time, or they think theyāre neighborās husky is a wolf. One guy asked me if his dog was part hyena because it had spots. But that one guy really did have a Tiger in his toolshed that one time so we try to take them seriously.ā
Meteorologist:Ā āA guy once emailed me about how hard youād have to fan a tornado to make it start spinning in the other direction and included a picture of him holding up a box fan at an approaching tornado.Ā We printed it out for the work fridge.ā
Park Ranger:Ā āI was giving a talk on the Yellowstone Supervolcano and a guy asked if, after it errupted, the earth would beĀ āhollowed outā.Ā I suppose I was just relieved that he understand that the earth isnāt flat.ā
Primarcy Shcool teacher:Ā āA student once asked me where she could sell her bones online so she could by a dog.Ā Which? Same.ā
Natural History Docent:Ā āA guy asked usĀ āIf I had a time machine, and managed to kill and cook a T-Rex, what would it have tasted like?ā and every paleontologist on staff deciced to take him seriously.Ā They did research to learn about fat distribution, and read up on culinary science to learn what flavors meat, even did chemical analysis on the bones.Ā They concluded that itād be Tough (no evidence of juicy fat pockets), bitter (carnivores tend to taste foul) and would probably kill him, because heavy metals travel up the food chain and T-Rex accumulated a lot of the cadmium that was in the dirt in the late cretaceous.Ā Wrote him a letter with our findings and he sent us back a drawing of him and his buddies cooking a T-Rex over a fire and all of them throwing up and dying, and itās my favorite drawing in the whole world.ā
Honestly, the first natural history docent one made me tear up a little...
I, your Friendly Neighborhood Librarian absolve you from all literary sins and encourage you to go and read what you like on the platform of your choosing.
Never feel guilty for reading fan fic at 3am. Everything is fanfic in the end. From fanfic you were made, to fanfic you shall return.
Read that which has been panned by literary snobs. Read novels churned out by the dozen by authors with a dozen pseudonyms.
Read your US and People. Flip through Popular Science just for the gadgets section. Read articles about the perfect chocolate chip cookie.
Read books outside your comfort zone. Donāt finish them if you donāt want. Itās the bookās fault, not yours.
Read in your comfort zone. Read a YA and romance and science if and fantasy.
Skip over the boring bits. Read it because you heard about it from Oprah or because everyone else is reading it.
Giggle yourself silly at something so poorly written and full of author wish fulfillment that you just canāt stop reading it.
Donāt listen to the keepers of taste and culture. Their reward comes every time they pat themselves on the back for their superior taste.
Donāt listen to the academics that bemoan the downfall of society and learning. They have been doing that since Socratesā time.
Donāt listen to the tv presenters who insist you are not cultured if you havenāt read from this list of books.
Audio books count as reading. Ebooks count as reading. Fanfic of questionable quality counts as reading. Rereading books for the third time counts as reading. Reading to your child counts as reading. Reading from the back of the cereal box (and doing the puzzle) counts as reading.
TL;DR: read what you want. Donāt be ashamed. Never let someone try to make you feel bad for how or what you read and enjoy. Tell them that I, your Friendly Neighborhood Librarian have absolved you from your guilt and have given you special blessings. Go forth and read, my child.
i had to check if this is actually the actual Penguin Random House posting cat memes and yes it is
Holy shit. I made this post over on my former main blog and itās still going around. Fantastic. And yes, you are absolved. And course I now see all the typos. It looks like I typed that thing on my phone or something.
Praying that $1500 randomly comes to you when you need it the most this year.
I got a check for $1697 a week after I reblogged this. The fuq.
worth a shot
what the hell.
canon: they died
fanfic: fUCK YOU
Canon: and so they never met
Fanfic: hereās a funny story
Canon: There was tension and pining, but they never even kissed.
Fanfic: Actually,
Canon: Torture the cinnamon roll.
Fanfic: Torture the cinnamon roll.
Canon: When they traveled they stayed in separate rooms
Fanfic: AND. THERE. WAS. ONLY. ONE. BED!!!!!
Canon: ⦠and they were roommates.
Fanfic: oh my god, they were roommatesā¦
Canon: They were international assassins who assassinated assassins.
Fanfic: But hot DAMN wait till you hear about this cafe they opened
Canon: They had a coffeeshop
Fanfic: but they were ASSASSINS
Canon: they were mortal enemies and attempted to murder each other on multiple occasions
Fanfic: bUT THEY GOT MARRIED AND ADOPTED CHILDREN
Everytime I reblog this has a new addition and itās the best
Canon: They were straight
Fanfic: Lol
This is why I will always love fanfic
My favorite thing is that Europe is spooky because itās old and America is spooky because itās big
āThe difference between America and England is that Americans think 100 years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way.ā āEarle Hitchner
A fave of mine was always the american tales where people freaked out becauseĀ āsomeone died in this houseā and all the europeans would goĀ āā¦Yes? That would be pretty much every house over 40 years old.ā
āā¦My school is older than your entire town.ā
āSorry, you think *how far* is okay to travel for a shopping trip?ā
*American looks up at the beams in a country pub*Ā āUh, this place has woodworm, isnāt that a bit unsafe?āĀ āEh, the woodwormās 400 years old, itās holding those beams together.ā
A few years ago when I was in college I did a summer program at Cambridge aimed specifically at Americans and Canadians, and my year it was all Americans and one Australian.Ā We ended the program with a week in Wessex, and on the last day as we all piled onto the bus in Salisbury (or Bath? I canāt remember), the professors went to the front to warn us that we wouldnāt be making any stops unless absolutely necessary.Ā Weāre headed to Heathrow to drop off anyone flying off the same day, then back to Cambridge.
āAll right, itās going to be a long bus ride, so make sure youāre prepared for that.ā
We all brace ourselves.Ā A long bus ride?Ā How long?Ā Weāre Americans; a long bus ride for us is a minimum of six hours with the double digits perfectly plausible.Ā We can handle a twelve hour bus ride as long as we get a bathroom break.
The answer.Ā Ā āTwo hours.ā
Oh.
English people trying to travel around Australia and wildly underestimating distance are my favourite thing
a tour guide in France told my school group that a particular cathedral wouldnāt interest us much becauseĀ āitās not very old; only from the early 1600sā
to which we had to respond that it was still older than the oldest surviving European-style buildings in our country
China is both old and big. I had some Chinese colleagues over; we were discussing whether they wanted to see the Vasa ship (hugely expensive war ship which sank on itās maiden voyage after 12 min). They asked if it was old, I said ānot THAT oldā (bearing in mind they were Chinese) āitās from the 1500s.ā To my surprise they still looked impressed, nodding enthusiatically. Then I realised Iād forgotten something: āā¦I mean itās from the 1500s AFTER the birth of Christā and they went āoh, AFTERā¦ā.
My dadās favorite quote from various tours in Italy was āPay no attention to the tower ā it was a [scornful tone] tenth century addition.ā
My last boss was Chinese, and she said when her parents came to visit her from Beijing they pronounced ChicagoĀ āA very nice village.āĀ
twitter user @ likewatercress speaks the truth
Not to get political but my philosophy is fundamentally that all people should suffer less. That itās everyoneās responsibility to try to make the world a little better for everyone else. And anyone trying to do the opposite is an asshole who needs to stop.
Not to get political but my philosophy is fundamentally that all people should suffer less. That itās everyoneās responsibility to try to make the world a little better for everyone else. And anyone trying to do the opposite is an asshole who needs to stop.
Nobody wants to discuss that. āItās the video games!āĀ šĀ š
It is actively traumatic living in this country.
It really is. I was just up in Canada for the last ten days, and I could absolutely feel a shift in my mental health because things like this were just so much less of a constant underlying worry.
Rob Zombie confirmed for coll fuckinā guy
ROB ZOMBIE CONFIRMED FOR COOLEST FUCKING GUY
i love that Rob Zombie is now Baby Metalās badass protective grandpaĀ
Are they actually trying to gatekeep metal from Rob fucking Zombie? Go cry some more, hereās Babymetal with Abbath.
Rammstein accepted Babymetal as one of their own, thatās good enough for me.
Babymetal with Rob Halford
TBH I love me some Baby Metal and I need to listen to them again. Do recommend if you havenāt!
I love this.
Lani Ka'ahumanu, co-founder of BiPol (the first bisexual political organization), marches in the San Francisco Lesbian & Gay Freedom Day, June 24, 1984.
The history of bi activism is bad puns. Itās good to know weāre keeping up the tradition.
i want
to be able
to consume comedic content
without being constantly braced for a ājoke"
in which people like me are the punchline.
why is this so hard for people to understand?
i know that thereās a big movement around making gardens animal-friendly and planting native plants. which is GREAT! but it can be a little overwhelming to get started. if you donāt know where to start, check out audubonās native plant tool here. you just put in your zip code and it shows you native plants for your area, and you can sort by drought hardy, bird attractant, etc. itās a great tool and itās free!