She was catapulted in your life like a storm surge. Sudden, dauntless and aggressive. You didn’t know she arrived until you were drowning in her aura, making it impossible for you to stop her when she went filling your insides with desire. In the midst of twirling melodies, she was a still silence. All it took was one mystifying look for you to fall down on your knees and beg for just a drop of her glory.
She was enclosed inside a metal facade. And for the longest time, you stood outside it as you looked for possible faults, any point of vulnerability for you to penetrate just to know what goes behind her sly smiles. She didn’t know that even when she acted so guarded, she was dropping little pieces of herself like shiny pebbles that led you to where she hid her heart a long time ago.
It didn’t take long before you turned the world around. Suddenly, you were the name that inhibited her drunken mouth, the nicotine fix that her throat was longing for, the shot of espresso that made her palpitations worse, the numbers and codes that she loved filling her mind with and the words that built doors which led to a place where her painful realities didn’t exist.
You held her like a dream, a summit that you finally reached, a land that you have conquered, someone that you could call yours. You collected all the gentleness in the world and offered it on her hands, making her a goner over your rainbow-colored affection. She held on to your promises like a little girl tugging on the hem of her mother’s shirt, too terrified to get lost. She thought that this was it, this was where her story finally made sense.
But little by little, you felt how it seemed like she couldn’t breathe whenever you were not around. How she told you she missed you when you were just five meters away. How she put up a lock around your hands just so you won’t let go of her. A love that was once so freeing started to suffocate you. Every time your skin was mingling with hers, you didn’t feel the sensation that you used to crave. Instead you were struggling for a dose of antidote for a poison that was her presence.
You plotted your way out in quiet evenings when she was deeply asleep and contented that you would still be there when the morning comes. Your touches have become ice cold. Your words sounded like old records. Your stares refrained from assuring her that you were still hers. She knew it but she still wore her blindness like her favorite coat.
She woke up without your shadows hanging on her wall. She tried to detect you, to deny your absence by waiting for you but you knew better. From afar, you watched her lose herself as a single idea contained her mind: you were gone. Your guilt was swallowing you but you couldn’t bring yourself back for a decent goodbye. You knew that there wasn’t a kind of apology that would compensate for the ruins that she has become.
You walked away from your greatest casualty with her heart still resting on your bloody hands. You never returned.
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