Somewhere Beyond Normal Crazy.

This is just a blog. A blog about my crazy life.

[batshitkrys-blog]

I need a bit of HELP!!

Hello there, I’m sorry posts are lacking here lately. I have been a bit busy, mom life and all that. But I had an idea for a bit of a project and I’d really like to get to achieve it. 

April is only two weeks away guys. TWO WEEKS away can you believe it? I want I want to only four months … but at the same time woah it’s been four months. This year seems to have flow by but yet also seems to be dragging. Make any kind of sense? I know me either. Ha well anyways onward. 

For those of you who may not know … I am the mother of an autistic boy and this is my blog where I write about my/our day to day crazy life and just share some insider info. I also  have and will share some on my own mental health. We this past November received his diagnosis and it have been one crazy insane adventure for sure. I started this blog for two reasons. This journey has one wild and crazy fun ride so far. But it can be overwhelming and often enough lonely. I try and share my story to reach out to others in the same position to offer any help at all. But more importantly it’s to spread awareness and UNDERSTANDING of autism to the world. People are usually aware of autism, show someone in the general public the puzzle and they will tell they know of autism. But ask them for one fact about autism and your less likely to get an answer and not likely to it be an unbiased false one. The people who don’t deal with autism daily just don’t know about it. They don't have the knowledge so they just do not understand it. We can’t blame them they’re life did not include autism. If we want things to change then we need to spread the knowledge for them to learn so that maybe some day they might understand and things may change. 

So my goal is to speak with others that are autistic and other individuals that have autistic family members or work with etc. People who know the true insides and outs autism. I don't want to spread more misguided info. I’m tired of people thinking autism means one cannot be smart nor social or such other things. I would like to post one fact/statement/personal story a day for a total of 30 starting April third. If anyone would like to help add ideas to the list please just comment or message me and we will talk about it and I get it included in the series. I am excited and really hopefully we’ll be  able to get a good things set up. 

I great hope to hear from you all. Have a wonderful night and please please share this blog out and get it to many others so that we may pass along as much info as we can. 

[batshitkrys-blog]

Heyya I'm back!

Hello hello hello guys. I'm sorry it's been a bit of a long while! I'm sorry it's been busy busy here. Boogie started preschool and aged out of the program he was in for therapy. We e had to get adjusted to school and new therapies and therapist. Doctor appointments. I took some time away for personal and family time. But I'm back with a few blog ideas. I'm sorting through them, trying to figure out how to get them all out and post for you to possibly read. You poor poor souls. Ha.

Oh wow. I love and so excited about the feed back I'm getting please please keep it up. Reblog it and get it out there for others to see! It's my goal to reach out a s get out there. I wasn't to not only spread awareness but more importantly understanding! I primarily talk about autism because that is what we are living with but the goal is to spread for all special needs! I want to let parents know they aren't alone. Give the insight and side of the story through a parent to eyes. But I also want to learn and understand. I want to get insight into what my son is and will go through so the more people I reach the better. It's my mission and I won't stop!

Stay tuned if you'd like. I'm gonna make probably a few blogs on understanding. I'm also going to blog about the very day that lit the fire in me to change things. That's gonna be reaaaaal. Ha. If you guy all want I can start making updates or daily life type of things as well. My little Boogie butt is such a beautiful sunny shine and the world deserves to see his brightness. 🥰😍

Anywhooo keep tuning in if you'd like! I'll try to post more and be more entertaining.

I'll close with a little disclaimer of sorts I supposed. Anyone who is seeing my blog and feels they just aren't understood. The world doesn't get them. They are being forced to hide who they are. Anyone who just wants someone to talk to who will try and understand. Who will be proud of every little achievement message me. I am here always.

[batshitkrys-blog]

Let's do something different.

So tonight I want to just ask for some insight. I want to hear from the autistic community. Really just the special needs community in general.

I have a question I would like to ask of you guys and would greatly appreciate any answers you'd like to give.

What is one thing you wish your parents understood or even knew about yourself but you've never been able to express it? What is one thing you wish you're parents understood but they just can't seem to? What about society in general? What is one thing about yourself or about your disability you wish people knew or could understand?

I hope this reaches a widespread audience and people feel comfortable and welcome to answer. If leaving a comment makes you uncomfortable please feel free to message me.

I have a three year old son who was diagnosed with autism and sensory processing disorder and while we haven't gotten an official diagnosis on ADHD we have been told he has it. I often wonder what his beautiful mind is thinking up. What secrets he has he just can express because he does not have the words. I die to just understand his side of things more. To see the world through his eyes a bit. The closest I can get it getting experience through others with similar diagnosis. But yet it's still so far for each person is their own and that experience and see the world in a whole different light than the next. No one but him can truly tell me what he's feeling and thinking. I also wish to greatly spread awareness. In general the mental health community is lacking and so little is know by anyone outside there is no awareness. There is no understanding. I am and will always fight for a better world for my child so it is my goal to offer this understanding to others who wish to understand. Getting your own thoughts and ideas and wishes and just general whatever you want to tell me will greatly help and I can't begin to explain how thankful I would be!

[batshitkrys-blog]

Here goes ...

This post may be long and dredged out. Maybe within it you'll find you relate. But this is just about exposure. To spread awareness. For understanding not for sympathy. It's to reach out and relate to possibly get in touch with others who have and do feel the same way. To maybe reach out and let others know they aren't alone. Because honestly no matter how much you know there are others the hurt makes you believe they aren't out there, that no one understands.

I've had anxiety, mainly social anixety as long as I can remember. I have never like busy places or big crowds. I've always been on to stand back and observe. There are many reasons to this. I am an empath. The energy around especially of those around me effect me to great lengths. The louder it is. The more crowded it is. The quicker things seems to just blur past me. Bright lights. Too much noise to focus. Rooms spin. It's like you're on one of those carnival rides that spin so fast the force pushes you against the wall all you see are blurs and streaks of color, fast music, the smells, people no information on talking. It's overwhelming. Strong emotions effect me. Being in a room of happy people will just automatically spread and excite me as well. Just as high energy individuals can pull my and drain me. I always preferred the quiet of my room with my books or out in nature deep in the woods. The peace and calm the silence. Art also beings silence. I can focus get absorb in letting out all the pent up crazy inside of my head all that energy that does not belong.

Another reason for my social anxiety was I was always told I was different. That I just thought different, which as I grow older is true. I don't understand a lot of what society does. I do but I don't. Like I get how but not the why of things. Other times I just don't get the thought process. It was often thought I was told I was a different child. Preferring to fold up on off positions and read a book. I'd read books like crazy. I wouldn't leave the house without the next in a series in case I finished the one I had. I was and am witty and sarcastic. Being told I think differently caused and still causes hesitation. I can't speak to you first, I can't start conversation. I don't know how. What to say? What if I seem weird? What if I'm boring? What if I'm annoying?

Oddly enough people seemed to flock to me. I always had friends. It was common for people who I didn't know to know me in school and at work. I had plenty of friends. But hardly I felt truly connected to. That I could open up completely to. That would understand me. Understand the thoughts in my head.

I talk about all this as if it's past. It is. But it's not. It is my past present and future. I was and I am a misfit who rarely feels like I fit in. I have quirks I apologize for. The crazy thing is more and more come to light. It's odd to watch things change. How beautiful yet crazy the mind is and the way it works. Better yet having studied psychology watching it all unfold and being able to be analytical to it. It opens up a path of acceptance it seems. Have you ever noticed a psychiatrist or any other doctor almost sometimes hesitates to say "yup you're mental" I do. They seem to breath a sigh of relief when I tell them I had my own suspicions. Which breeches the subject ... How do you just tell someone you think you might have such and such and would like to be evaluated without seeming insane?

But none the less my how things have changed. Let me tell you in the recent months I have learned so much about acceptance and getting help. We all have our limits. For example it's odd as much as I've always had social anxiety. Me the kid who took college courses in freshmen year and graduated a year early. Me who had to have straight A's and cried the year we went on vacation during summer school so I couldn't attend summer school. I would take a failing grade rather than get up and present. I couldn't have all eyes on me. Yet let something I morally stood behind and watch how quickly I rose up and stood my ground refusing to back down like the time the bully pushed my friend and him and I got in a wrestling match because he shouldn't just push someone for their snacks. I remember the bell ringing and teachers pulling us a part being taken to the principals office. Bloody scratched knees and elbows all the while refusing I did anything wrong. Now it's with Boogie. All my time and energy goes into him and his needs and making sure he gets what he needs with all his diagnosis that everything else just falls to the side. And that is where the anxiety steps in now. My anxiety has stepped up into something severe, a constant dark shadow following you around. Nagging. Always bad thoughts. Tight chest. Jittery insides. Shaking hands. Agoraphobia. The thought that leaving the house and talking to others will just bring the end of the world. Full blown hyperventilating, crying, terror, blood rushing, hearing nothing but my straighted heart beat in my ears, as the room I get in gets smaller and smaller, there's no air to breath. Nothing will ever get better. These claws on my back and I fight to burst through the darkness into the light to get an breath of fresh air that's always been right there. If I leave the house without someone. If I leave without it having to do with something Boogie needs. It will be non-stop anxiety attacks. Those feelings. Those thoughts always there just waiting. Starts with an itch. Then sweaty palms. Tight lump at the back of your throat. Light headed then then demon is there with it's claws pulling you in. And this is how my depression started. Cause when you can't handle life. When even the grocery store is too big. How in the world are you supposed to be a good mother. Especially to someone so special that needs you so majorly. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking how much he deserves a better mom. How I was not cut out for this. But in the end he wins. He is my Ray of sunshine. I always burst through the darkness to find. That Ray of light I'll hold up and protect and shine like a beacon. He's the reason I reached out and the reason I get help. With out help I cannot be the best that he needs me to be. But I am there and I am stronger than this.

So this is where I started my journey. Back in October I asked for help and I've been seeing people getting the help we need to make it through. It's a journey. It can be rough. But it's all so very very much worth it. I'm just going to go ahead and post this, in slightly nervous to put it all out there. Make myself look crazy and all that. But here is goes.

[batshitkrys-blog]

So tonight how about something a little different.

Heyya folks!

How are you guys doing? It's been a while I know.

So tonight I thought I'd maybe give some explaination on these big breaks between posts. It's surely not to get followers or anything.

Alright so excuses ... reason I mean reason! ... number one is ... I AM A MOM. Not only that but I am the mother of a toddler. Noooot only that I am the mother of a hyperactive toddler(he'll be three in 10 days!!). NOOOOT only that, I am the mother of a hyperactive disabled toddler.(We do not view disabled as a "bad" word in this house folks.)

Excuse, oops I did it again. I mean reason number two for long absences between posts. Mental health. Yup guys. That's it. Those are my two reasons I'm not posting regularly scheduled blogs. Not that I expect it to be a big deal or any such thing.

Anyways this recent journey has really just opened my eyes in all sorts of ways. Also seeing as this is my blog. Just a personal blog about my crazy little life. All about my life. My family and I. In the honor of spreading awareness. Talking about it. Getting it out there. Opening up and maybe leasing the gap between others. Telling people they aren't alone. I am going to work on writing up a big long blog about my mental health. About the way things were growing up. How they are now. The answers my seeking and answers I'm getting. So if interested tune in. I should have it posted in a day or two.

So for the big let down. But maybe that'll bring you back. 😉😘

[batshitkrys-blog]

What really just grinds my gears...

Oh here we go number three!

Sorry to keep ya waiting if you were. But here it is. The third post in this series. ... I really have no clue how long this will continue ...

But anyways. The topic tonight is just one comment I've been hearing a lot. "He's just too smart to be autistic." WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?! How and why is this even a thought? Where in the world did you hear that autistic people cannot be smart?!

Yes our Boogie is smart. He's very bright. Everyone comments on it. Everyone. The problem is he's delayed when it comes to the "normal neurotypical" standards we have in place. Delayed does not mean stupid. Is that clear? Our little man has no interest in doing things the way others do. No interest in things others do. He likes what he likes and he learns that first and best. He's a busy little adventurer with sensory issues. He can't sit still therefore can't grab ahold of the attention need to focus and really learn certain things. But oh boy once he does. Don't tell me my three year old that know what the heck a diplodocus, archaeornithomimus, parasaurolophus, and pachycephalosaurus are but doesn't know what a square, circle, or triangle is, is stupid. Just because his smart develops different than yours doesn't make him any less than. We all take different paths but end up in the same place so stop judging.

[batshitkrys-blog]

What just really grinds my gears...

Yes that's right time for number two of however many of these there end up being. 😂😂

I guess I should throw in a bit of a side note that some of these might tie in or seem very much the same. But each blog will be made with its very own specific importance in my eyes.

So anyways onward ho mateys! The topic of today's post are the "doubters" or the "five second doctor" (I'm using doctor as a wide term here.) I do not know how many times I have heard people say "autistic kids don't do that." and "autistic kids don't do this." since Boogies diagnosis. People we do realize while symptoms can be common that does not mean absolute, right? Unless you are the pediatrician who has spent nearly three years with my son. The psychologist, neurologist, and wide range of therapists, and teachers who have spent months some nearly a year with my son and have studies years and years and worked with many others please keep your comments to yourself. I know you think saying he's too smart to be autistic is a good thing but really it's just kind of rude. (We'll address that too smart thing in another blog. Hold tight.)

Just sit back and understand autism varies even if just slightly case by case to the person diagnosed. Understand we are parents try to learn about this new world. Trying to see things from the beautiful minds of our children. Trying our best to understand their different way of thinking. Or we are people who finally have a slight understanding of why we. Ever exactly fit in or did things the way others did. People who finally slightly understand and have a new outlook and are exploring things on our own. We don't need you stepping in with your doubt trying to self diagnosis something you have no understanding off.

Also while we're at it. It seems to me often this is said as if in hope. As if people with all this experience are wrong. As if Autism diagnosis is something bad and there are other better answers. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. Or anything else just as long as you are yourself and you are happy that way. We are perfectly fine and fully accept boogie as he is. He is the same boy he has ever been and e wr will be. Please don't feel like you need to offer us a different path. Stop doubting and just start accepting.

[batshitkrys-blog]

What just grinds my gears...

So here goes the first of this little blog series!

RESPECTING PEOPLES PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

Okay okay this was a pet peeve of mine before we joined the autism community. But still it's gotten worse to near rage limits. Granted this is probably more for his sensory processing. But there are days my little sunshine loves passing out hugs and high fives. Of course you have to wait for those wonderful gifts on his time. Or we can have some major freak outs but yeah. But more often there are days he does not want to be touched. Yet someone his avoidance of contact. His pushing people away. His protest. His physical squirms and yells aren't enough to tell people to leave him alone.

Now why in the love of God would a child scream at the top of their lungs trying to push you away tears running down his face while his mother is yelling at you to leave him alone would you think it is okay to force a hug on this child?! You do understand he is just simple not capable of the correct sensory input. Sometimes we lack and he needs bear hugs and some it's all overwhelming and very possibly hurt him. He is not spoiled. He is not a brat. My parenting and ethics are just dandy thank you. This could literally be hurting him. That is all beside the fact you do not force children to do these things, you do not force anyone to do anything. This is telling them they do not own and control their own bodies. That the aren't even respected enough to turn down a touch when they want! It is not right. You expect as an adult to have your personal space and boundaries respected if not there is typical a lot of hell to pay. Forcing a hug and kiss on an adult is not sexual assault is it not? So why in the love of everything there is is it okay to do to a child? You need consent. ALWAYS. Do onto others as you would have done onto you.

[batshitkrys-blog]

What if....

Sooooo there are a few things that have begun to bother me. Even maybe become pet peeves of a sort. I'm thinking of making a blog series to talk about these. I don't know if anyone even reads these posts of mine. But by chance you do stick around if you'd like to read and maybe discuss them.

[batshitkrys-blog]

The face my family makes as I run around saying I gotta find different color textures!!

I'm just trying to find things I can put on Boogie's sensory board. 😂

[batshitkrys-blog]

The day that didn't change a thing.

So it all began back February 2016. February 8th 2016 to be exact. That's the day my little Boogie butt was born. My world changed forever that day. Of course I didn't have a clue what sort of adventure he had in store for me.

As a baby there were our good times and our bad times. I am not going to tell you his symptoms of led us to our diagnosis. Only because it varies so much. What his symptoms are now are not what were then just as they most be the same as your child or that person over there. We're all unique in every both of ourselves. What I WILL tell you. If you're reading this wondering. Get your baby looked at. You are the mother or father of that child. You know the best. If you feel something is not typical have it checked. Stand your ground these are our children we are their guardians and we must make sure they are given what they need.

I myself have learned this lesson. I need those words spoken to me. All a long there were signs. Clues here and there. But most just that motherly sense is. I was often told it was normal. How everything was normal. How his high levels of energy were normal he's just a boy. Those high levels of constant motion as if he was always vibrating weren't normal. I knew. But I was a first time mom so I let them convince me. Each and everytime. There was always an excuse. Looking back I wish I had know. I wish I knew the things I did know. How I had knew to push back and insist. But now what I can do is at least spread the little knowledge I do have. That is just stand your ground. If your are wondering. Just pushing. If anyone doubts you. If doctor's won't even give you a thought. There are other resources out there and they are there to help. Here in my state, Missouri, we have a program. Called First Steps, they will come out and evaluate your child for you and they will then start working with them if they have any delays. And sometimes with someone else behind you it's finally enough to push other things into gear.

But for us. It took one very bad day on June and another day a few weeks later in a doctor's office crying that I just didn't know what I was doing wrong to finially get for me. We got recommended to a larger hospital that had an actual pediatric psychologist but also a pediatric neurologist. He was about two a day half then. We waited and waited for the doctor's to call and Inform us of our appointment. The day came a few weeka than later, I thought, no they only called to tell me they had his info but it would be a whole. Another long while actually. Because it was another 5 months later. In November we finally headed up to see the doctor. In the office we sat. We waited. Our little Boogie butt ran wild. Jumped all over things. Rolled. Threw. Screamed. Explored. At first we tried to calm him. Chill him out as always cause others around just don't understand. It was during one mad crazy scream as he went flying off a table into some bean bags tbat it hit. It and literally a wave of calm just rolled over me. Here we were in this place to tell us if we were right our our suspicion or not. I grabbed my fiance's arm and pulled him back into his seat and told him "No let him go. Let him be himself. If there is anywhere he will understood it would be here." He replied "But that just feels weird." That's when I got a little sad. We were so used to trying to shhhh little fire ball. We were so used to hiding that bright ball of energy because of people just not understanding and being judgemental. That it felt weird to us to be out in a public place and no need to apologize and try to calm him as we get dirty looks. That's probably the day that all ended.

Eventually it was our turn and we got called back. It started of great. As I've said Boogie is nothing short of an adventure seeking explorer. A new door opened and before anyone could say anything let alone catch him he was gone running down maze of hallways. We were wrangled up into a room and asked all the who what when and where questions. They watched him play. They tried talking to him. Then they did a few activities. Eventually they excused themselves to discuss the information they had gathered. Eventually they returned. They had another person with them. They informed us that they had come to the conclusion that he was autistic and adhd. They then introduced us to the woman who had come in with them. She was a social worker and she would go over some resources and groups for us to call when we got home. We went over a few more things then that was it. A reschedule for a check up in a two months that and on the way home. I remember on the walk out one of the doctors asked "Are you guys okay? Is it what you expected?" I told yes and it was the truth. She gave me a look just like everyone else when ask. This look of like surprise and maybe some caution. But really. We had a baby and we have a toddler. He displays some signs and has some behaviors. We know they by far aren't all normal. We did research and read info. We talked to others. We never would have just said it and we waited to be told we were just being overly cautious. But in the end we knew maybe not exactly but you know your children best. And it's alright really it was. Some words an official diagnosis made our Boogie butt any different that he was. There was nothing new but none it was official and we could now get him the better bell we couldn't before. Being diagnosised didn't change him or us. This is the same adventure we start back that February night. It may not have been the one we expected and had hoped for. But it was and is going to be the best just the same. There were days that were hard. There will be days that are though. There will even be days extremly beyond hard. There have been tears and there will be more. There were days of hopelessness. Days of exhaustion. Days were I didn't know if I'd make it. Days that turned to nights spent crying myself to sleep. Cursing the universe for giving this blessing so unbelievably beyond everything I deserved and cursing him with such a failure of a mother. He deserves so much better. But those are the bad days. And that's fine or happens and it alright to have those feelings because it is tough. But there are also such amazing wonderful days filled with so much laughter and fun. Days I go to bed with my heart so full. So unbelievably happy because I was blessed. Really and truly. I want given this happy energetic little guy. He fills my life with energy and warmth and all the adventure I could ask for. But better yet he opens my eyes. The world is so different. So wonderful and so beautiful in his eyes. Every old man is a papa and he's got to say hi. Every single flower is "Ohhhh wow" so beautiful. The excitement at finding a rock. The care and love he has, the few fleeing moments he shows, is so amazing and pure. He is what I needed in this world. So there are bad days and there are good days. We get through them. Others we we just barely make it but we make it and that is all that matters!

[batshitkrys-blog]

Hello World,

Well here we go. This past year, 2018. Wow what a doozy. It's been crazy to think of the ups and downs. Such an adventure with some major twist and turns. So as this new year starts I thought I might just introduce myself. Hey there I'm Krys, and I thought I might share in my journey down the path of motherhood with an autistic young boy. This wild ride we're it might be scary. It will be fun and exciting. A new world to explore but that's perfect for my Boogie butt and I we love an adventure, so why not come along? Turn in tomorrow and I'll take you back to this past November and our change so much but yet so little with his diagnosis and see how we handled it. Follow along and keep up us to see what trouble we get into! I promise there is lots in store.