Ivy Elizabeth

She is bright, and shining and pure. She shines on me, as she shines on everything. A gleaming beacon of warmth and dancing light.

[evermore-fashion]

Ziad Nakad Spring 2019 Haute Couture Collection

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text from aj: how cn yuu just leave tho?????? lik we were 2gether for nearly 1 yr lik.. wut the fuq????

Text: I don’t know… I’m sorry :(

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ajcaito:

Text: u never told me y wetn Text: Happi Text: I dont understand??????????????????? Text: :/ Text: ???????????????????????????????????????

Text: We tried to talk about it a couple times but there’s no resolution to just being incompatible. Text: Can you honestly say you could be 100% yourself with me?

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text from aj: how cn yuu just leave tho?????? lik we were 2gether for nearly 1 yr lik.. wut the fuq????

Text: I don’t know… I’m sorry :(

[ajcaito]

Text: i don’t no wut i did wrong???? Text: I thut i waz bein a good bf Text: but u just left Text: didn’t even give me a chanc Text: like wtf Text: fuck Text: fck  Text: fuq

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Text: You didn’t do anything wrong Text: You were an amazing boyfriend Text: You deserve someone who can make you happy like you deserve

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text from aj: how cn yuu just leave tho?????? lik we were 2gether for nearly 1 yr lik.. wut the fuq????

Text: I don’t know... I’m sorry :(

[thedanielstark]

Dan frowned, now understanding the tears and the surprise visit home. He nodded. “I know it hurts. It’s scary and upsetting but I promise you it gets better.” He gave her a gentle squeeze. “You would have hurt him more if you stayed and pretended it could work. Doing it now was for the best.”

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“It could have worked.” She protested pitifully despite everything she’d just said to AJ on the contrary only an hour before.”We had it all planned out.” Her voice dropped to a pained whisper “We were going to have kids and a house with a big yard and a big wedding.” Sh stopped to breathe “What do I do now? Start over? It hurts too much.”

[thedanielstark]

Dan nodded. “I know. I know what it’s like to have those plans and not have them work. It hurts, and it takes a part of you away and you just feel empty but that pain goes away. It gets filled by good memories, experiences, new love. You’ll feel it again, and it won’t be a love you have to feel guilty about.” He kissed her temple. “You don’t have to start over right away. You’re young. You have time to try and figure out who you are and what you want. This is just the beginning.”

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Ivy couldn’t see how this pain could ever go away. She hadn’t lived a lot of years yet and hadn’t experienced sadness and loss like this yet and it felt all-encompassing like it would never leave.She clung to her father. “It doesn’t feel like the beginning.” She told him, it felt like a very hard harsh ending. “It’s my fault.” She confided.

[thedanielstark]

Dan frowned, now understanding the tears and the surprise visit home. He nodded. “I know it hurts. It’s scary and upsetting but I promise you it gets better.” He gave her a gentle squeeze. “You would have hurt him more if you stayed and pretended it could work. Doing it now was for the best.”

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“It could have worked.” She protested pitifully despite everything she’d just said to AJ on the contrary only an hour before.”We had it all planned out.” Her voice dropped to a pained whisper “We were going to have kids and a house with a big yard and a big wedding.” Sh stopped to breathe “What do I do now? Start over? It hurts too much.”

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ajcaito:

AJ couldn’t look at her, he just couldn’t do it. He didn’t feel in control, he couldn’t help but remember when Audrey would refuse to say she loved him. Yet somehow this hurt more than the scars that littered his body. He wasn’t sure if he had ever been this hurt, and a childish part of him wanted his father. To be at home with his Dad. He ripped his hand from her grasp. “Don’t fucking touch me. Get out. GET OUT!” He demanded, as tears began to drip down his cheeks. A weird noise that might have been a sob leaving him, as he looked for something, anything to break. His hand landed on a vase that she had bought for his flat and he tossed it across the room. Hearing it shatter with a satisfying crash.

She flinched back, an automatic response that she wished she could have stopped. She didn’t really believe he would hurt her and didn’t even look at the vase as it smashed. “I’m sorry.” She said again “I love you.” She had to let him know before she left, he had to know if that was the last thing he ever let her say to him. She wiped at her cheek and started moving, leaving the place with a sad and slow but steady pace. In the hallway she let out a proper sob, one that she felt reach her heart. A heart that still belonged to him.

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thedanielstark:

Dan didn’t say anything. He kissed the top of her head and reached up to cup her cheeks, wiping her tears away. He gently took the cup from her hand and set it on the counter. “You’re alright. I’ve got you.” He hugged her tight ass rubbed her back. “I’m right here.”

“I hurt him so much.” She sobbed, it was killing her inside that she could ever be capable of hurting another soul. All she wanted to do was heal everyone, that’s why she wanted to be a doctor. She never wanted to break anyone’s heart. “It hurts, Daddy.”

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ajcaito:

AJ stood facing the wall as a stray tear leaked down his face. He wiped at it angrily, wanting to escape from this whole nightmare. But if he left then it would really be over, he didn’t know if he could handle that. “No you’re not. You want your fucking fancy medical school.. should have known.” He trailed off, he didn’t have the energy to spit the venom that he wanted to. He just felt so weirdly empty, he felt like he was back in the hole he had been tossed in. He felt so hopeless. He was always going to be a piece of shit wasn’t he. Nothing good ever stuck around. “Go on then.. fuck off.”

Ivy let out a long painful breath and slowly stood. “I love you AJ and I don’t want some fancy medical school, I just want you to be happy.” But the words were so broken in sobs that she would have understood if he couldn’t understand a word she was saying. She came up to him, watching him and took his hand. “I’ll go.” She promised despite not moving away. 

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thedanielstark:

Dan was walking out of the kitchen when a Ivy walked by him him to the kitchen. He checked the calender on his phone to see if there was a visit he’d forgotten about. When he heard her sniffle, he frowned. He set his cup down and walked up behind her at the fridge. “Ivy? Love, is everything alright?” He gentle rubbed her back, frowning as he saw the tears that stained her cheeks.

She felt her Dad approach, she’d expected it and was glad he was here, but his comforting touch also made it so hard to talk. She shook her head no, not trusting her voice. She was hurting so deeply in her heart and so she just turned, cup not even half filled and hugged him tight,weeping softly.

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ajcaito:

AJ bit the inside of his mouth as hard as he possibly could, he wasn’t going to fucking cry. He wasn’t a little boy anymore, he wasn’t going to be weak. He hadn’t cried since.. since he had been locked up in that hole. She had been his one hope, and now she was leaving him. “Whatever.” He huffed, unsure of what else to say. He was too scared that his voice would crack. “I get it.. ya want.. I don’t fuckin know what ya want actually.. fuck.” He huffed out, walking towards the kitchen as he attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. “Fuck.” He mumbled, banging his palm against the wall.

Ivy was crying freely. She wanted to go to him but she was scared that would hurt him more. “I’m sorry.” She kept muttering and she was so sorry, she felt like this was her fault, she was hurting him and she wanted to take it back.  She wanted to lie in the bed with him again and cuddle into him and pretend she hadn’t said anything. But she was trying to set him free to find the love he really wanted- the one who wouldn’t have hospital shifts when he wanted dinner and he could tell things to without hiding things. Maybe someone he wouldn’t have to protect so much. 

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ajcaito:

AJ scowled, his heart crumpling inside his chest. He had tried, he had tried so hard to protect her from him. To make sure that she could have opportunities that mattered, why was this still happening to him. “Don’t tell me what I want.” He snapped defensively, folding his arms tighter around himself as if that would protect him from what she was saying. He didn’t want to process this. she was supposed to be his forever. They had it all planned out. “You don’t know that.. you.. haven’t fucking tried.”

She dropped her head like it was so heavy she couldn’t hold it up anymore. Tears stained her knees and she let out a sob. “I’ve tried so hard.” She told him “I’ve been trying for so long and I want you so much.” She lifted her head again to look at him, finding strength. “I’m so sorry AJ, I know you’ve been trying too. I feel like I’m being bad all the time because you want so many things for yourself and you deserve them, but that just doesn’t include me.”

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It took her a minute to get home but she didn’t want to stay in Philly anymore, she wanted to go home. Ivy put her bag down nicely in the coatroom like she always had done and despite the tears which flowed freely and obstructed her vision, she walked calmly to the kitchen to get a glass of water, not, at first, noticing her father on the way. 

@thedanielstark

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ajcaito:

AJ’s frown deepened as he regarded her. “Yeah.. I know.” He answered shortly, he saw her tears and he wanted to go to her, but there was a part of him that wanted to protect himself. He felt like her words were some kind of attack. “Apply to Penn State.”

“I want to go to Harvard. I can’t do that with my current rules.” She told him, she felt the finality that he wasn’t picking up on yet. “AJ you don’t want... this forever.” She said referring to herself and a tear fell. “You get so frustrated with me. I love you but..” Her voice cracked “This can’t work.”

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ajcaito:

AJ fiddled with his car keys a little, uncomfortable. Her tone had made him suspicious from the start, and now he felt a weird drop in his stomach. “Yeah..” He said, leaning against the wall and folding his arms defensively. 

“I... want to go.” She told him, sitting and looking up at his standing form, tears in her eyes. “I’ve always wanted to go to medical school AJ.”

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ajcaito:

AJ looked back, surprised. “Sure, what’s up?” He asked, slightly concerned.

Ivy walked backwards, back towards the sofa, pushing her hair behind her ear. “My Dad called me again today. Registration for Medical school is... soon”

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Ivy approached AJ before he went to go see Mike who had goaded him into going and seeing a bug or something. She ever so lightly caught his arm and asked “Wait, can we talk?”