I only miss my ex because he was my literal best friend. I’ve never been that comfortable or close with anyone else ever in my life, in every possible way. I could be 100% myself with him without having to hold back. could say and do whatever, whether it was gross, vulgar, stupid, impolite. anything. I often catch myself wondering “will I ever feel that way again? will I ever find that again?” and logically, I know I will. but it’s still painful to part with a connection that strong, especially when it was your first. the bond of friendship was very much there, very much real. (so much so that I’m convinced he is one of my platonic soulmates.) but that being said, romantically, I know I didn’t lose anything. he offered no real effort and barely provided the bare minimum. our energy wasn’t matched. I couldn’t talk about my feelings or concerns without it ending in invalidation or an argument. I consistently went out of my way to do things just to make his life easier, to make his day better, and received little reciprocation. he didn’t give me what I deserved, even when he was asked to or told what to do. I know the right person will, on their own. they’ll be my lover and my friend. they’ll meet my needs and accept me completely. they’ll do things to be sweet and to make me laugh. they’ll fill both roles instead of just one.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have lost a lot with him, and I’m dealing with it, but I know there is more to be gained; I’m not mourning being broken up with, I’m mourning losing the closest companionship I’ve ever had up to this point. but, I’ve lost friends before, and I have other best friends. so I know, with time, I’ll be okay.
