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@becauseimnotyourrealchild-blog
6/17/XXX6
Today I made a new friend. She was nice, very nice. I liked her. Mommy seemed upset with me for doing so. She hurt me again. I don’t like it. I don’t like it. I don’t like it. I won’t be friends with that lady anymore. I swear I promise. I’m so scared. I’m so scared. I’m so scared.
10/19/XXX5
I tried explaining to them Mommy. The same way you have always told me. I think it came out wrong. They weren’t happy. They looked upset with me. I tried to explain again and they seemed mad. But it’s fine if you hurt me. Because I’m not your real child. And for that reason it’s fine if you hurt me. Why doesn’t anyone understand? Mommy I just hate this. I say everything you tell me.
WHICH ARE MY ACTUAL THOUGHTS AND WHICH ARE THE THINGS YOU TELL ME TO SAY?!
3/22/XXX5
I started school today. My classmates gave me weird glances. I didn’t like it. I don’t understand the emotions on any of their faces. Is that bad? Today the teacher spent a lot of time with me because I was new. I didn’t mind it. I felt weird. I didn’t want him to be near me. He wore such a weird expression. He almost looked like he was in pain. Mommy did I hurt him somehow? Do I hurt people by existing?
4/4/XXX5
Mommy called me by a different name today. I didn’t exactly understand it. I tried to ask her about it but she got really upset. She yelled and smacked me around. A neighbor came to the door and asked if everything was alright. Mommy said it was and the neighbor left. Mommy yelled some more and hit me with a belt. It hurt. She told me to never say that name again. But I just wanted to know why she called me that...! Mommy please I’m sorry! (The page is covered with teardrop stains)
3/19/XXX5
Mommy found out today, not about what I know but about my ‘Diary’. She didn’t read it but she seemed mad. I think she was worried if someone found it. I’m sorry Mommy I didn’t mean to... I wasn’t thinking. But I don’t want to stop making these...!
3/14/XXX5
Mommy said we’re moving today. I don’t want to move. We’ve already moved so much. I made friends. But oh well. Mommy doesn’t want to move but she says we have to. It probably has to do with those people who keep coming to the door. Mommy always tells me to hide and be quiet when they come around. I have no idea why. I want to ask her but I’m worried that it’ll make her more upset. Lately she has seemed better. She doesn’t hit me as much. I don’t understand.
2/13/XXX5
I saw some papers today that I wasn’t supposed to see. Mommy always said she may as well have picked me off the street. I’m a demon child, right Mommy? I’m so bad. I’m not actually even related to you. You just took me in. I’m not exactly sure why but maybe it’s better I don’t know? I better not let Mommy find out. She’ll be mad at hurt me again. I don’t want her to do that...
1/25/XXX5
Today Mommy seemed mad, I don’t understand why. What did I do wrong this time? I did everything you asked of me. So why? Why are you doing this? Everyone is giving me weird faces. I don’t understand this. Mommy is it wrong to not understand those faces? I do not understand that emotion on their faces, I can only understand ‘pain’ and ‘anger’. Mommy, is that bad?
1/24/XXX5
Today you seemed really upset at me again. I don’t understand it. The neighbors are asking questions again. I didn’t say anything. I did just as you have told me to do. I honestly don’t understand what I did wrong. But you say this is my fault. I don’t understand but you said it’s alright to do this. I’m not actually your child. You just picked me off the streets. I wonder why you chose such a bad child? I wonder why you keep me. Mommy I want to know why this happens. Mommy. Why do you hurt me?