ode to a conversation stuck in your throat

"I used to call you my best friend Way back before you were my everything Now I'm sucking your neck And you wrote my favorite song Now I'm fucked up and carrying on I do not know the words to it yet"

[nadinedahl]

"Do you think that's fulfilling, like at all?" Onyx had stopped to watch the pageant for a second, just out of pure morbid curiosity, while she sipped on a daiquiri. "Happy for them if it is of course, I support women's rights and wrongs."

[beckett-guerrero]

"If your goal in life is to be Ms. Strawberry or whatever the title is then yeah. I guess it's like any sport. Competition. Just knowing you're the best at something. Though...not sure what being the best in this is, so far I'm getting like..having a really good walk and being very good at finding Strawberry shit on Etsy." Reyna reached for their own drink and took a few hefty sips. "We should pick one of them to cheer for."

[kimiant0nelli]

[beckett-guerrero]

[nadinedahl]

"Wouldn't you like to find out," she offered with a teasing raise of her brows, knowing it was easier said than done. He'd come a long way from the boy she met at the halfway point between Welton and St. Agnes, but she worried he'd retreat into himself without anyone familiar to cling to. "I mean if you're offering," she joked then shook her head. "Courthouse wedding. I don't know, I think so. And yeah I look stunning in everything." She plucked a pair of glasses off the rack and tried them on herself. "Bryson and I talked about it, hypothetically." The details of her relationship weren't something she ever got into, not in the same way Beckett shared his. It was part of why she didn't see herself having an actual wedding ceremony, the thought of being that vulnerable with any kind of crowd just mortifying. And who would she invite? She could draft the guest list on one hand. "I know it's like an antiquated concept, and I assumed it wasn't for me, but I'm kinda into the til death due us part of it all. And that's already how I feel about Bryson so, you know. A ring with that might be nice, eventually."

[beckett-guerrero]

"Oh?" Beckett didn't try to hide the surprise in his voice. It wasn't hard to see Nadine in a wedding dress but it was hard to imagine her getting married. Trusting someone like that. It felt like they were so far from the teenagers they were which he knew was part of growing up but still felt like whiplash. He nodded as she spoke, having his own complicated feelings about it. He never thought he'd ever be in the realm of thinking of marriage and he still wasn't. But being with Tally had shown him that maybe he wasn't so certain about his life after all. Here was a woman who genuinely cared about him, wanted to be with him and he was so sure for so long that would never happen. "A ring would be nice. Nice and big, black stone," he teased, wanting her to know that he supported her no matter what. "If any of us were gonna get married, my money would be on you all the way. I think Saskia would rather bash her head against the wall and Reed well," he trailed off, not really wanting to think about Reed walking down the aisle with anyone. "How about these?" He plucked out a pair of aviators and put them on. "Or do I look too much like a cop?"

[tallulahturnbald]

"We do," Tallulah said, in between kisses to her boyfriend's lips. The two had promised to hold down the fort for her father as he and her mother went on their yearly cruise around the Caribbean. And they'd been doing a pretty good job at it... until she hadn't been able to hold off the urge to make out with Beckett. "we do need to go back to the register." She said, their lips barely apart. ( @beckett-guerrero )

[beckett-guerrero]

"Hmmm?" Beckett felt like he was in one of those cartoons where he was floating, his chest warm, his arms wrapped around her. He had felt honored that her parents had trusted them but the more time went on, the more he was just grateful to have more and more time with his girlfriend. "You think we can rig one of the toys to ring people up?" He let out a laugh as he pressed his forehead against hers, catching his breath. "I believe in the power of the toys."

[beckett-guerrero]

[nadinedahl]

Obviously Nadine kept a small circle but she could still talk to new people when necessary, exchange surface-level pleasantries even when she'd prefer not to. When she really turned it on she could make someone feel like the most important person in the room, and that wasn't just the years of media training, it's how she'd always got what she wanted. "Oh shit. I mean, celebrity wedding, who cares, but I thought you were just grabbing drinks or something." She watched him check himself over in the mirror, waiting until he inevitably looked up for her approval. He needed so much of her reassurance, and she had no problem giving it, she just didn't know what she could say without sounding like a broken record. "I could tell you just be yourself, or.. maybe don't. You could be you but not so nervous. Less up here." She tapped the side of her head and offered Beckett a smile, then motioned to the glasses he had on. "Do you like those?" That wasn't say she didn't but it meant they'd keep looking, and she spun the rack in front of them. "I don't think I'd want a wedding, if I got married."

[beckett-guerrero]

Beckett knew she was right and honestly he knew that being by Tallulah's side would give him courage. But this felt like a big step for him. Going into a moment like this without any of his friends, any of the usual safety nets he was used to. It felt like taking his training wheels off and as much as he wanted to say he was ready, there was a nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him that he wasn't. "Less in my head? What does that even look like?" He let out a laugh to let her know he was joking but there was a lot of truth to it. "I do, though I feel like they're a little too big around my eyes, kind of makes me look like one of the real housewives when they're hungover." Still, he put them to side as a maybe. "No? Just like a court wedding or should I just go online and get ordained?" He smiled over at her before looking at the other selections. "Would you even want to get married overall? Nadine Dahl, a wife. Now that might be your Oscar winning role," he teased. "But you do look stunning in white."

[nadinedahl]

"Don't wish that on me," she laughed. That would be her karma though, brought back as some collegiate sex pest with an IQ lower than 70. "So, you have frighteningly attractive friends too." That wasn't just to stroke her own ego, it was fact, and she pointed it out as such. They ducked inside a store on Beckett's mission for cheap sunglasses, Nadine making an immediate beeline for a rack of them. "What are you worried about, that they're dancers? They're just theater kids with eating disorders. Try these on." She handed a pair of glasses back to him, her attention split between him and the display. "When are you meeting them, like what's the occasion?"

[beckett-guerrero]

"I mean yeah, you make a great point," he replied with a laugh. The sight of Nadine, Reed, Saskia and Beckett anywhere was enough to make people do a double take. "I'm more worried about that this is my first time doing this kind of thing. And meeting more and more people. Before I met Tally my contact list was just like the three of you and my parents. I sometimes feel like when I talk to new people I don't know...how to talk to new people," he admitted as he reached for the glasses she was handing him and slid them on. "And it's a wedding. Not just any wedding, like a fucking Rosewood celebrity wedding apparently. So there's gonna be like cameras and stuff and Colette, the bride, Tally's been friends with her since high school so. All of those people are gonna be there." He paused to check himself out in the mirror and fixed his hair as he took himself in. "It's uncharted territory for me. Makes me nervous as fuck."

[nadinedahl]

Nadine and Saskia's friendship was shaky to begin with so the state of it didn't worry her. Even at the height of it they rarely held back with one another and maybe that's why it worked, they cut the niceties and always knew exactly how the other felt. In each of her relationships within the group, she adapted: let Saskia be the hero, justify Reed in heranger, spare Beckett's feelings as needed. It was a game she played until it wasn't and she realized the outcasts she met in high school weren't just pawns she could dispose of, they were her closest friends. They were her only friends.

"Lessons on what, how to be funny," she deadpanned back, brows raised, lips slowly giving way to a grin. "Please do. Even just one of those hand buzzers, I'd get some use out of that."

[beckett-guerrero]

"Yeah and not to touch everything you see on display," he replied with a laugh, glancing at Nadine to catch her smile. She seemed happier and that made Beckett pretty happy. "You got it. I think in another life if you were like..reincarnated as a frat dude you'd be like chief prankster. No doubt about it." Beckett had always thought if Nadine had put some of her scheming talents to good use she might have been able to do some good but he didn't say that out loud. Nadine was who she was and he loved her for it. "I'm supposed to meet some of her friends soon but they're all like..dancers, I googled some of them and they're super successful and kind of frighteningly attractive. I'm not really sure how it's going to go."

[nadinedahl]

"Noted." Before her generosity always came with strings attached, some ulterior motive or owed favor to keep in her pocket. Maybe that was still the case sometimes but gifts were her love language, regardless of if she got something in return, and she did love Beckett. It wasn't the same love she had for Bryson or even one she'd admit to, but it was there, and gifts would just have to do. "And touch grass too," she echoed, a bit meaner in her assessment than his. She wouldn't dare bring it up of course but it was interesting, how totally different his girlfriend was from Reed. Sunshine versus the thunderstorm. This was better for him she thought, less complicated. Nadine smiled as he gushed on about the girl, indulging this lovesick side of him even though she wouldn't dare listen to anyone else rave about their partner at such length. "I'm glad. You deserve to be with someone who makes you so happy. Seriously." That was all the heartfelt sentiment she had in her though, and it was back to business as usual. "Her family owns that joke shop right? I don't need to watch out for whoopie cushions, do I."

[beckett-guerrero]

"Yeah, and that too," he agreed with a soft laugh. He would never try to understand the dynamics between Nadine and Saskia but he could only hope that some time together would repair whatever had gone awry. He was starting to understand that they had all chosen each other in a way to survive high school and college and now they were out in the real world, they had to really ask themselves if these were the people they still wanted to survive with. Beckett knew his answer but he couldn't answer for them. Then again, his friendship with Reed was strained, at best, so maybe he didn't have much of a leg to stand on.

"Thank you," he told her, a slight blush on his face. It meant a lot to hear that affirmation from her. "Yeah they do," he replied with a laugh, "No, no, pranks will never be my vibe but I gotta admit her dad is pretty funny. The shop is full of lessons and interesting shit," he admitted. It had been overwhelming at first but Tallulah had shown him around and eased him into the space. "But I can get you some jump scares to mess with Bryson if you want," he teased.

[nadinedahl]

"Got it. You could probably take some of mine too. I have a couple beaters I wouldn't miss, not too feminine." As often as she offered her hand me downs to the others it was never out of pity or even to win their affections. She had things she didn't use, why would not give them to someone who would. "We do need to do something about this color," she teased as she looked him over. "Saskia's too, maybe we could invite her. Make it a thing." How long it'd been since they all took a trip together she didn't even know, some ending better than others. "That'll be nice," she sang back at him, poking fun a bit but genuinely happy for him all the same. "Must be serious if you're roadtripping."

[beckett-guerrero]

"I mean if I ever say no to shopping in your closet, consider my identity and body stolen." Beckett was always happy to accept something she wanted to give him. He knew that he couldn't just pretend like the past didn't happen but in the present she had proven to be a good friend. A great one even and Beckett loved her too much to even worry about what had happened before. It just didn't hold the same weight. And though he no longer saw her with rose colored glasses, he couldn't act like he had completely taken her off her pedestal. Maybe just shrunken it a bit to be more at his height. "I think even Saskia can be convinced to take a vacation. Might be nice for her to breath some fresh air," he agreed, his smile growing as she encouraged him. "Yeah, I mean the more time we spend together, the better it gets. It's been nice, having a girlfriend. Especially a girlfriend that's Tallulah she's just...she's like sunshine," he told her as his expression softened. "And I feel like she really gets me. She helps me be more fun too. And man is she a great, great dancer. Like she should be world famous at this point."

[nadinedahl]

"I do like that shirt," she agreed with a glance back at him. Nadine looked up at him fully then, sure there'd be eye contact if it weren't for his sunglasses as she took a not so subtle assessment of what he considered too nice. "Hundred dollar range or less?" Her perception of money wasn't considerably warped, considering how she came from none of it, but she did need to remind herself that not everyone spent as much as she did. "There's a shop not far from here I think. Where are we traveling?," she circled back, playfully curious smile at her lips. As long as she'd known Beckett he'd never been one to travel much, not without her at least.

[beckett-guerrero]

"A little less. Something I wouldn't be heartbroken about if I left them behind, you know? I'm incredibly forgetful these days," he told her with a laugh, still shining from her compliment about his shirt. "We can travel to wherever you want to go. I've been dying to lay out in the sun with you," he told her with sincerity before his smile widened a bit. "But I'm going to take Tallulah on a little trip. Now that I've got a car for the summer I figured a road trip would be nice. See the lakes, find us some sunshine. Just spend some time together."

[nadinedahl]

"Clearly," she laughed back, watching as the guy she called out caught a second wind. She ducked under the barrier as Beckett held it up then shook her head. "With our luck somebody'll run right into us." Once the coast was clear enough she made a quick cross of the street, trusting Beckett was right beside her. She kept walking once they were past the other barricade and the crowd that came with it. "Where to now?"

[beckett-guerrero]

"So true, I'd hate for this iced coffee to ruin my shirt." He stayed close to her, trying not to linger too long in the runner's path but he did take in the people cheering them on. If one of his friends told him they wanted to run a marathon, he'd support them but man would he hate it. "I need to get another pair of sunglasses. One that I can travel with more because the ones I'm wearing now are too nice and I'm afraid to travel with them." He was determined to take Tally on a trip this summer and he wanted to have all the things he needed. "Maybe a nice little travel carrier too."

[nadinedahl]

Smirking back at Beckett, she hesitated a second then cupped her hands around her mouth. "Why are we walking! I thought this was a race!" Oddly enough it reminded her of how their friendship used to be, aimlessly wandering town together, Nadine causing a scene for the sake of it. "And join them, no thanks. Think we could cut through though."

[beckett-guerrero]

His smile widened as she yelled out, unable to hide his laughter as the guy seemed shocked before he genuinely started running. "Wow, you should be a motivational coach, I think you'd be super successful." He walked with her to the edge of the race and pushed up barrier for them to move under. "After you," he told her before following soon after. "Should we walk especially slow just to fuck around?"

[nadinedahl]

Nadine's afternoon came to an irritating pause as she found herself on a barricaded street, some kind of local 5k. She wasn't in any real hurry but still couldn't stand to be inconvenienced on principle, especially by people who paid to run. "Can't they go any faster? That guy's walking."

[beckett-guerrero]

"I'm sure if you yell at them they'll feel motivated," Beckett joked as he slipped from the iced coffee they had just stopped for. It was a beautiful summer day and he was happy to be spending time with her. "Does that mean we can walk with them? Who's gonna stop us?" He laughed, mostly because it was mostly him wanting to see if anyone had the stones to say anything to Nadine if she were to walk right through the race.

[daimiyamoto]

JORDAN GONZÁLEZ

by Luca Mastro (2025)

[saskiabishop]

When Saskia had rejected Nadine's invitation she truthfully had no plans of showing up. Their group had gone their separate ways a while ago and they had done their fair share of growing as their own people, independent from the enigma that was their former friendship. Was there any sense in rehashing old drama for the sake of nostalgia? If she let herself fall back into that old cycle would she just become a pawn in some game again? Was that really worth disrupting her own peace?

Then again anything had to be better than sitting alone in her apartment, devoid of any kind of warmth or liveliness. It wasn't like she had anyone else to celebrate the holidays with. And for as much as she could fend on her own she didn't like the idea of being alone. Her only living family didn't know she even existed. So all she really had was the people who she had once come to see as her found family. Which was how she found herself at Nadine's door, despite a voice in the back of her head telling her it wasn't a good idea. "Yeah, well, I brought an offering." She rolled her eyes, holding out a bottle of wine as a sign that she came in peace. "So are you gonna let me in or not?" It took her a second to hug Beckett in return, a little thrown off as she caught her footing back in their dynamic as a group. "Hey. Yeah, sounds like a pretty big affair. Guess it's a good thing I didn't show up last minute in sweats."

[nadinedahl]

Within the group they all had their dynamics: she coddled Beckett more than the other and then was no nonsense with Reed, who needed someone to enable her anger. The dynamics changed as they got older of course, but some things stayed the same, like the palpable tension between her and Saskia. Saskia who thought herself above of all it but still came knocking at her door. Where else would she go? Her only family knew nothing of her, the name Lisbon still the best gift Nadine had ever given of her and yet she'd done nothing with it.

She stepped aside as Beckett moved to hug Saskia but never broke eye contact with her, taking the bottle of wine she offered out. "Maybe," she teased, shrugging, then made room for her to come in. If she didn't want her there she wouldn't have invited her, as much as the invite was a power move in itself. 'Everyone's going to be there'. It was an olive branch of sorts, or a peace offering, as she'd put it. For as independent as she was Nadine didn't like being alone for the holidays more than anyone else did, and she didn't want that for Saskia either. "Good thing. You look nice," she said approvingly, looking her over, then glanced back to Beckett with a smile. "Saskia doesn't show up in pictures remember." She grinned like she was showing off fangs, joking, and led them towards the living room. "Can I get you something to drink?"

[beckett-guerrero]

Maybe for others it might have felt or seemed tensed, but for Beckett, he felt right at home. Like his family had just been reunited. "You do look nice. You both look nice," he added, trying to tamper down his grin but it was hard to when they were all together again. It even softened him enough to take a longer glance at Reed and hope they could all have a nice night together. But he knew how big of an ask that was. Still, he made way for Saskia to walk inside and closed the door behind her.

"I can't wait for you to meet Tallulah," he told Saskia as he rejoined them and poured them both drinks before re-filling his. "And now I have someone else to block Reed from staring bullets into me," he joked, softly. "I also have gifts for the both of you so this night isn't over until I hand them out," he added, trying to bring some joy to the mood of the night but not entirely sure how he was doing. He felt like he should have left to give Nadine and Saskia a moment but maybe it was exactly what he shouldn't do.