bee innit

vent account 😏😣

[beepdee]

not to be crazy or anything but i exist only for you 🤪

[beepdee]

having a favourite person is having your whole world focus shift. You are constantly in second person writing about them, to them, for them.

[beepdee]

brooooo oops ig this one is a frfr fp this time (it’s 8am and you haven’t replied to my texts so i am now 3 shots deep listening to when you’re gone by avril lavigne)

[beepdee]

wooo are you guys ready for mental illness whack a mole 💪💪💪

[beepdee]

gonna cancel loud angry songs for enabling me when i’m in an episode

[beepdee]

i literally don’t know if i’ve gotten worse or better but it doesn’t feel better

[beepdee]

little miss wants to absolutely destroy themselves from the inside out

[beepdee]

i have tried almost every drug and none of them actually shut my brain up in the way they’re meant to

[beepdee]

relapsing after being the longest time clean you ever have been is actually heartbreaking, fuck you im sober for adding a little star when ur at ur longest streak

[beepdee]

the happiest i’ve ever been in my life is still like cripplingly sad, just like not bad enough for it to be a mental illness thing

just normal sad is the best i ever am and i hate it

[beepdee]

the shittiest thing about bpd is needing to apologise for things you genuinely can’t control without expensive therapy and treatment

like i get it and i will never make excuses for the ways i’ve hurt people but it’s so hard to apologise and tell people you will never do those things again when you can’t control it

there is no solution and the people around me have every right to be upset and they deserve apologies it just hurts

i wish so badly that i wasn’t like this

[beepdee]

nothing is worse than being abandoned because of an illness you can’t control that revolves around a fear of abandonment

[beepdee]

first time in my life i’ve genuinely regretted relapsing this is awful

[beepdee]

throwback to when i thought i was getting better- spoiler alert i did not

[beepdee]

the worst kind of sadness isn’t the manic suicidal kind where you are actively trying to die, that’s the most dangerous but definitely not the worst

the worst is the giving up and letting yourself live but feeling like you’re rotting from the inside out, the feeling of becoming more hollow by the day

[beepdee]

i am becoming sm more paranoid that everyone is plotting against me and i keep seeing things out the corner of my eyes and my brain is trying to convince me im in a simulation made to torture me

[beepdee]

this isn’t fair it’s not fair it’s not FAIR