BeeYouFall

29. It’s okay not to be okay. Just don’t give up!

[beeyoufall]

Ivf round 3 FAILED!!!

Here we are again! Why?

This time they put me on the highest dose of injections. With every few days having scans everything was going well! This time I was so uncomfortable!

Egg collection went well they got 20 eggs!!! WOW! The last time I only got 5!!

The next day we got the phone call to say that 12 had fertilised!!! Amazing we’ve never had this before and they booked us in on day 5 for a transfer!

We couldn’t believe it, this was so good!! We was buzzing but also still ver nervous and from experience things could change from now to then.

After having the transfer, something felt different like this could actually be it! Surely? But also feeling like it’s not going to be the one. I have never got to a test day as I always came on my period a few days before.

BUT it wasn’t the one and again we are here with this heartache. I was so numb and honestly felt dead inside I couldn’t believe we was here again! Why? Even the doctors and nurse thought this was it!

My husband and I are broken again! Guess this time it’s not over as we do have 5 embryos in the freezer which we have never had before.

[beeyoufall]

WTF!!!

On Monday I received a phone call from the fertility clinic… they informed me that due to the regulations changing we are eligible for a 3rd round of IVF fully funded!!!!

Like what the hell!!!!

This was not the call I was expecting on a Monday morning.

The past two years myself and my husband have healed and pulled ourselves out of a every dark hole. After two failed goes and knowing how much it would cost to go private. Another go just seemed impossible for us. We had accepted this and was ready to move one.

We started making plans to live and enjoy life. As we never wanted and regrets and with some saving we could look at going again in a few more years. But I guess life happened when you’re busy making plans (as they say). 

But this, this is a blessing! For something we never thought we’d get was happening.

As we go into very cautious and knowing this could go either way. We are just truly grateful that we have been given the chance to try at least.

I’m aware that not everyone will have this opportunity and I never thought this would happen again for us.

I guess I’m still in shock and still processing.

I thank the oceans for giving me my husband and I’m so grateful for his love and being by myself everyday. And living this crazy life together.

So here it goes… fingers crossed 🤞

[beeyoufall]

[beeyoufall]

It’s okay… 💜

[beeyoufall]

Someone asked me today, “ do you have children?” I answered “no”. They replied “you’re married you should have”!! Ahhhhh!! Right ok I know this person isn’t aware of my situation so I can’t blame them… but it doesn’t make it easier. Yes I am married and yes if I could I would of had as many as i could of by now. Daily struggles, rant over!!!

[beeyoufall]

What do you say when you’re asked that dreaded question?

[beeyoufall]

Evening lovelies,

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we shared.

Who has earned the right to hear my story?

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

It's okay to keep distance between yourself and others. Just remember that there are people you can let the walls down around.

[beeyoufall]

Think it’s time to write again….

[beeyoufall]

Hi

[beeyoufall]

WOW!! How has it been a year already!! This time last year I went in to have our Emory transfer. That day I thought our life’s were going to be changed forever. But it didn’t. And as I’m sitting here today thinking about what could of been I’m sad but also I’m numb to it all now. I’ve changed so much over the last year it made me stronger!! It’s made me realise that life is way to short!! Me and my husband have spoken about going for round 3 but right now my heart can’t take it. We are happy with just us right now and that’s what’s important. You never know what the future holds. So never say never.

01/08/20 our rainbow 🌈 I always think about what you could of been

[beeyoufall]

Guys, it’s been a while…

I recently had an accident and I broke my leg so I’ve been on very strong painkillers!! Which has helped a lot.

The past week has been hard as I’ve been bed bound and haven’t got out much. I’ve had a lot of time on my own which is a lot of time to over think constantly. I feel so depressed, and such a loser I hate not being able to do anything for myself!

My husband has been an amazing as always! I am forever grateful for him ♥️

Hoping I won’t feel this way for long.

Here’s to a new week ahead, hope you’ve all had a good weekend!

Xxx

[carelessbabygirl]

To my husband,

I often dream of you becoming a dad…

[beeyoufall]

I just want a baby so bad

[beeyoufall]

[beeyoufall]

[beeyoufall]

Hell yeah 🙌🏻