BeforeWeAllBecome

Memento vivere

[beforeweallbecome]

im in a lot of pain. i feel like shit. and i wanna ***

[beforeweallbecome]

ugh

[beforeweallbecome]

im in a lot of pain. i feel like shit. and i wanna ***

[beforeweallbecome]

[beforeweallbecome]

[beforeweallbecome]

KASHIWA Daisuke - april.#02 (Live In Tokyo) [REMASTER]

July 6, 2019 @NEPO KICHIJOJIDrums : Yu OjimaDoubleBass : Hiroki ChibaPiano : Hiromi KurosakiViolin : Atowa YuriLapTop : KASHIWA DaisukeVideo Shooting & Editi...

[beforeweallbecome]

hey... i wish we could talk...

[beforeweallbecome]

...

[beforeweallbecome]

details often go unnoticed. they need to be more appreciated

[beforeweallbecome]

gotta remember this. there are moments when i still forget.

im the only one in control of my actions. i gotta be better. 

[beforeweallbecome]

[beforeweallbecome]

good bye, Mom

i love you so much. you have no idea. 

but i can’t do this. it’s mentally damaging to me to be here. 

i had no idea making this choice would be so hard.

if you weren’t as amazing, kind, and thoughtful to me, it’d be much easier.

but i can’t do this. it’s not good for me, and i don’t think it’s good for you either. 

you still have a daughter and a grand-kid. i hope your relationship with them continues well. and you continue to become more and more amazing as you have been. 

this sucks, and i really hate myself. 

i hope that changes one day. 

[beforeweallbecome]

Everything’s alright. 

[beforeweallbecome]

I’ve been watching my step-father battle and slowly die from stage IV cancer. The treatments have been able to slow-down the spread and let him live so far, but he has now decided to stop them due to all the pain and struggle they bring.  His body has been pulled together through a patchwork of various medication, but it’s beginning to collapse now. Most of his days are filled with pain, even after dousing his brain with high doses of pain medication. Previously, even in those high pain days, I could see him. I could see him struggle. And there would be moments of calmness and clarity, where he’d be energetic and constantly engage in a conversation. I know this is in a poor taste to say, but I’d always find his life view and manner of speaking insufferable. As I am watching his skeleton move from the couch to smoke in the garage, back and forth, I keep trying to speak to him, but he doesn’t respond.

Day by day, I am witnessing a man die in front of my eyes, knowing there are months still to go, and I am unable to do anything about it. 

[beforeweallbecome]

so much has happened.

so much is happening.

i’ve got nothing to say. 

[beforeweallbecome]

the nights are still so hard.  i still feel so much. :/ 

[beforeweallbecome]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rTv9wvvat8 (the explanation of what ur seeing and where we are at different points of the vid) Craziest thing is that it looks like we are just falling onto a black planet and that's the crossing of the event horizon, but that's actually when we are already reaching the singularity! We never really see ourselves crossing the event horizon! Because of the spacetime curvature, we are only seeing the black hole take up about 15 degrees of our field of view even though physically we have crossed the horizon, and it is encapsulating us whole The idea that it looks so normal and not being able to recognize the moment when it is truly impossible to escape is terrifying.

[beforeweallbecome]

took me a year to figure it out. im done. im done with all those insane plans.  i still can’t let it go. i don’t have anything else that keeps me going. so i’m gonna stay in this pretend theater of devotion for a while. but i’m not going to let it see the light of day any more.