Belinda Apple

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[belindaapple]

I know I know we’ve had ups and downs throughout our relationship, you’ve stuck by my side through it all. To say I feel lucky to have you would be an understatement. You’re a blessing. Thank you for loving me, for showing me how to love and for showing me what love is. I plan in all to give it back to you. Thank you for your patience Your tenderness And your forgiveness. I didn’t know I was deserving of all those things until you came along. Thank you for being my place of safety And for holding me at night, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be during that moment. Thank you for every gift and for all the times you’ve prioritized me. You know exactly what to do to make me feel seen. Thank you for seeing me. I don’t know how I miss all your efforts sometimes, that’s a me problem, not you. From flowers, to random visitations, love messages shared through songs, I love it all, including you. ◦

[belindaapple]

I love writing...

It’s like a time capsule.

Writing is like a time capsule, old feelings, old thoughts, memories, moments, auras... all there, waiting for you to visit them again...

[belindaapple]

I’m not the same girl I use to be. Nothing brings me more joy than that💕

I’ve learnt how to deal with my feelings properly, I’ve learnt to not see every set back as an ending but rather as part of the journey🌸

I’ve learnt to smile wholeheartedly and be fully present in happy situations rather then observing them💕

I’ve learnt that it’s important to prioritize myself the same way I prioritize others🌸

I’ve learnt that the same patient and kindness that I give so generously to others I’m worthy of it too, from myself💕

I’ve learnt that I deserve to be loved and cherished by people around me and if someone can’t do this I’ve got no business associating myself with them- I deserve to be loved and cherished by myself too, myself first🌸

[belindaapple]

I’m tired

[belindaapple]

God's ability to remain a total stranger to one person and a total reality to the next is one of the things that amuse me about this God.

I wasn't born into Christianity, I'm not Christian because that's what I was taught at home. God revealed himself to me at some point in my life, he proved his existence to me and I followed him. I wonder who God deems as fit or worthy to know him, to know that he's real. I mean, aren't we all deserving?

[belindaapple]

I heal my soul through tears, prayer and writing💕

[belindaapple]

Worrisome

I'm constantly a host of this fear that everything will go wrong. It's so crippling, disabling me from enjoying the present.

I sit and I worry, waiting for things to fall apart, not enjoying the moment. I don't want it anymore, I don't want to be that person.

I am stuck between two conclusions:

1. Things are bound to go wrong somewhere, cause that's life and it will never be a bed of roses. So, the best thing to do is to enjoy and fix the problem when it surfaces.

2. I need to believe and know that I am deserving of good things and start making room for that in my life, all while commuting this to the universe aswell.

Has anyone experienced this? Please shed some light.

[belindaapple]

The sky is clear, the trees are full and green - a light wind hits them and they very gently dance to its tune.

The air is crisp and clean.

It’s a good day.

Morning 

[belindaapple]

sunday

Don’t let the way people treat you have anything to do with the way you see yourself or who you believe you are. Don’t let it add any value to you, or take away any worth from you.

[belindaapple]

One of the most remarkable things about God is that he remains.

 He remains God.

Through the pain, depression, poverty, God remains God.

Nothing speaks more about the rightfulness of his position then the fact that he remains.

Some may see that as something disqualifies him from the God role but to me it is the very thing that makes me behold God.

It amazes me in a sense, it demonstrates his power, and the rightfulness of him sitting on his throne. He cannot and will not be dethroned. 

 Exodus 3.14 God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: I AM has sent me to you.”

It’s this sentence right here... “I AM WHO I AM”

That’s a statement, God uses a statement to describe himself because he is final. 

[belindaapple]

Morning thoughts...

Just start... the fear eradicates and satisfaction is what’s left

[belindaapple]

The same consistency you used to get me, use it to keep me, otherwise I will leave. PERIOD.

[belindaapple]

BreakingFREE

I feel like I’ve always been a person who never really had a voice and in a sense I never really honor my feelings or who I am. Always chopping and changing to how and who people expect me to be.

I noticed this in little small everyday things, like changing my WhatsApp status because I was afraid of what people were going to say or think if and how I expressed myself on a certain topic. I also noticed this in big things like allowing people to treat me a certain way, that I definitely didn’t agree too and not saying anything, for the sake of keeping peace.

One of the ways I am breaking free from this habit/pattern is to never delete anything that I post on any social media platform, it’s small but it is a start and it is hard.

It is so important to honor your feelings and thoughts. 

I also found myself accepting the absolute worst behavior from people because I lost my voice somewhere and somehow in life. Besides that, I didn’t really know how worthy I am, and how perfect and deserving of love and goodness I was. So I accepted anything.

When you constantly come across people who treat you like trash and like you don’t matter, you end up believing that about yourself, it also becomes your norm so you don’t really see anything wrong with it. 

Which also makes it very hard to speak up for yourself and remove certain people from your life, because this is all you know and you think it is okay while it is not. It is a crazy cycle.

When people treat you or anyone like rubbish it is not a reflection of you, it has got everything to do with them.

Signed:

Belinda Apple

[belindaapple]

She really is a bad person. 

She looks down on people, will never help you when you need help, but expects help when she is in a tricky situation. It’s just well disguised with a high pitched voice, an ever present smile and constant praying.

[belindaapple]

That’s the funny thing about death, it is so tragic to us, and yet so peaceful to the departed. 

Just like the Calabazas our loved ones are met with the flowing spring, pumpkin seeds that are sprouted alongside the road... taking off their dual nature and fully becoming their unseen self. 

It sounds like the perfect day doesn’t it? 

While our hearts are filled with a gaping hole, that never fully heals, our loved ones meet perfection.

So thank you, to all the souls who have blessed us with the opportunity to once laugh with them, smile with them and love them.

The elderly who gave us the chance to bathe them in their moments of weakness, to feed them and dress them.

You are well now, like sickness and old age has never known you before.

You are now like the perfect day in Autumn - 

We see you in our dreams, with the purest smiles, providing us the comfort we’ve been longing for, giving us a glimpse of hope. We hear you in times of despair and instantly get strength because we know we haven’t fully lost you. Your spiritual selves are alive. And they will be forever, and ever, and ever.

We thank the universe for once walking with you. 

Rest in peace, you are loved and missed.Till we meet again..

(Inspired by tribute to Kobe and Gigi, performed by Jennifer Hudson)

[belindaapple]

[belindaapple]

Random thoughts

If you in a journey of self-discovery, a journey of healing, are people allowed to interrupt you on your journey? 

Sometimes you just need to be alone, in your own sanctuary, your own little world and only step out to face the rest of the world once you feel like you are strong enough.

It is not being selfish, it is mandatory, prioritize yourself just as much as you prioritize other people.

 I am talking to all my givers, oh my dear givers, you will run dry if you don’t learn that you don’t have to and you cannot save everyone.