Misty Renee

[bellasangel085]

[bellasangel085]

Love my family ❤️ kick ass sister, 3 amazing children ❤️ an amazing man whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with ❤️

[bellasangel085]

Finding the silver lining...

I have spent many nights alone and thinking of what my life would be like if Donnie was still here. Would I be happier? Would I still try to make our family work? How many more fights would end with me in tears and him out the door. The answer to this question remains the same - possibly. Yes, my son would have his daddy. Yes I would still fight to keep my family together. And lastly there would be countless fights that always end the same way. At what point would I not have to feel like I needed to be so overly paranoid or protective of him? How would I keep him from going down the path he was on last year. The answer to that is simple as well - NEVER. I tried with every ounce of my being, every fiber in my body, I cried so many tears I could make what feels like an ocean. The truth behind that is this - if Donnie wanted something bad enough he would do it and wouldnt let anyone or anything get in his way. So here is what I'm calling the silver lining...and if you disagree then too bad. Donnie and I loved one another very much but truth be told nothing would have changed no matter where we moved or how many times we tried. He would always find the worst people to befriend.

[bellasangel085]

Things lately have been terribly sad and depressed. I know it has to do with stil but didn't know what.. Well now we know. I do not regret my choice during the process. I have an amazing man in my life for him. He doesn't have kids and doesn't care that I do. He knows it's hard being mom. I exhaustes..... * will finish tomkrkenornoda

[bellasangel085]

[bellasangel085]

World of darkness with one bright star

Over the last 5 months I have gone through such an array of emotions, but lately I've found myself in a world of pure darkness. My faith has been shattered, my world turned upside down and yet I have managed to to keep it together, even when I don't want too. I've been feeling so alone and so overwhelmed I don't know what to do with it. Watching Logan cry over missing his daddy is heart breaking. I can only hope things finally start looking up for us. I have found such an amazing man, someone who makes me laugh, supports me in whatever I want to do. In my world of darkness he's the brightest thing I see. He's the last thing I think about before bed and the first thing when I wake up. He helping me move towards a brighter future, I couldn't love him more.

[bellasangel085]

Hiding in the laundry room!

[bellasangel085]

Gotta love my sister. Better yet gotta love how it down pours and the only thing NOT wet is her ass!

[bellasangel085]

4 of the 6 little princes of my life ♥️

[bellasangel085]

[bellasangel085]

Back to feeling lost...

The last few days I haven't been feeling quite like myself. I'm not feeling happiness, or joy..... I'm feeling more lost and confused and feel like an absolutely horrible person and mother. Logan has been talking about daddy a lot lately. Today we were talking about daddy and he looked me in the eyes and said "mommy can you bring daddy back now?" Or said "mommy when is daddy coming home" absolutely heart breaking. My 4 year old son should NEVER have to feel this pain. And then I think of Kellan. He will never hear his daddy's voice, never feel his touch, never sleep on his chest, never see the side of daddy only we could see, his vulnerable side. He will only know his daddy by photos, stories and know that his daddy is in heaven watching him from above and going to "daddy's special place" I had a dream where I was given the choice of life - it was to choose between who to give life too... I could either give life back to Donnie and have him back with us and not have Kellan or give life (birth) to our 2nd son and not have Donnie. I go back and forth with the answer.... Part of me wants Donnie back... I hate seeing the pain in my 4 year olds eyes. But then I think I wasn't able to get pregnant and here I am 16 weeks 3 days pregnant. Talk about a surprise.

[amanda-ann289-blog]

kisses for #LittleRed my handsome man

[bellasangel085]

TiTi's Sweet Boy

[bellasangel085]

Starting over

....seems like a simple task yet however I find myself questioning everything I do. My life has been turned upside down and came crashing down on top of me. Losing your best friend, soul mate, life partner weeks before we were set to say our vows isn't something that you just get over. It's been 3 months and yes I have a great man in my life but my heart is still very much broken and I still feel very much lost. Watching our 4 year old son grow and question everything and then you notice that he is more like his daddy than I ever anticipated. Now let's throw in the curve ball - finding out I'm pregnant!!! God took someone I loved more than life itself and gave me this. Bittersweet absolutely! It does break my heart to know that Donnie got his wish and we got pregnant again and like I have always said "we would have another boy" and well like I kept saying we are having another boy ♥️ Kellan Brantley ♥️ starting over.... Not as easy as people think. Hopefully come September 2nd when we move things will be a little easier and Logan will feel more at ease and we won't feel the loss and missing presence of daddy.