`SURVIVE!

INDIE & SELECTIVE OC

[deactivated-blog]

I like to think that my stubbornness,                                                           is one of my better traits. 

[confessionsfromatvaddict]

I adore the romantic trope of “whatever universe, my soul will find you.”

[fractempyreal]

“All the people I could be are dangerous. / The blood clotting, oil in my veins.”

— Fatimah Asghar, from “Oil,” If They Come for Us (via lifeinpoetry)

[bellidyr]

‘ you can hate me forever if that’s what you really want ’

MEME: THE PRINCESS SAVES HERSELF IN THIS ONE

WANT, HE HAD UTTERED, IF YOU WANT —   as if she could so simply compose a list of desires, a concept that continuously eluded her. there were actions,   impulses in the moment,   that were perhaps reflexive of unconscious desires, but it was impossible to communicate with mere words,   EVEN TO HERSELF.   this ambiguity was an odd deviation from her normally logic ridden disposition, but it was also   so utterly human. 

❛   hate? isn’t that more aligned with your character. you with your rage   &   destruction contrasting me with my composure   &   ...well destruction.   ❜   subtle mirth on tinted lips, though not meant to undermine the honesty of the situation.   ❛   hatred is passionate, encompassing, consuming —  the worst emotion I could regard you with would be apathy   &   disdain.   ❜   which was how she treated most, seeing no benefit in humoring the weak   &   the foolish. but he,   a repeated presence almost to the point of constancy,   refused to be dismissed so easily. 

though the exact implication of his statement was obscure, he had an amusing habit of avoiding   DIRECT ADMISSION,   instead uttering the converse of his thoughts.  ❛   I have stood against your blade  &  with it, both entertaining just the same. whether you hate me or the opposite, the difference seems trivial, as long as I can   ensnare your every thought.   all I really want   is for your teeth to never dull   &   your passion to never wane.   ❜

@execurse

[bellidyr]

( ◤ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ⋮ ᴛᴏɴʏ sᴛᴀʀᴋ ) ·:

@bellidyr· ♥’d this

        “ i’m not trying to do the whole dismissing it thing, but… i’m dismissing it”

                  ❛   I would offer to show you but I’m fairly certain I hunted them to extinction a decade ago.   I didn’t claim they were dinosaurs or dragons   but they were creatures of that sort.   ❜  it never failed to humor her, how he refused to do just that, not that she would prefer him any other way. he was after all, a whirlwind of color, emotions, life —   A COMPLEXITY.  and she was intrigued to say the least.  

                  ❛   or is it my claim to never lie that has you in disbelief?   ❜  

[bellidyr]

( ◤ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ⋮ ᴇxᴜʀɢᴇᴍᴏʀɪ ) :

@bellidyr· ♥’d this

       “  i feel like you’re doing a better job at this than i did. ”

IT HAD ONLY TAKEN A TWITCH OF A FINGER,   barely lifted, to quench the ire of his flames, smothering them with a frigid winter’s kiss. amusement colored her features, her unshaken presence a    STARK CONTRAST  to the disaster of a mess surrounding them.   ❛   chalk it up to a difference in experience  &  life style.   ❜   dichotomous they were, but that was   hardly a deterrent.

❛   if you’d like to “ practice ” some more, I can stick around to play fire extinguisher.   ❜

[bellidyr]

( ◤ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ⋮ ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴀɴɢ )· :

@bellidyr ♥’d this

        ❛  this is far from over. ❜

❛   as if I would have it any other way.   ❜   THIS DANCE BETWEEN THEM,   one of few constants in the   CHAOS   that was her existence — one that never failed to make every limb tingle with anticipation.   dangerous  &  enticing,   adrenaline-fueled clarity encoded every last millisecond of him into memory. undoubtedly,  HIS LAST BREATH    would be hers to take eventually — but not yet.    ❛   though I hardly desire an unsatisfying victory. so just accept my aid so we can resume another day.   ❜

[phantomemes]

credit .

‘ did it really happen if i can’t remember it ? ’ ‘ but you kept trying , didn’t you ? ’ ‘ how can someone be too young to be in love ? ’ ‘ i will never forgive you ’ ‘ you have been the star of each and every one of my nightmares ’ ‘ i’m sorry if i wasn’t the child you had in mind ’ ‘ i only ever wanted to make you proud ’ ‘ silence has always been my loudest scream ’ ‘ i used to think i was broken ’ ‘ i’ve always felt like a stranger in my skin ’ ‘ i still wonder who i would have been ’ ‘ i didn’t realize i could be my own knight ’ ‘ i’m not scared of the monsters hidden underneath my bed ’ ‘ some names will always be cursed ’ ‘ i have so much love to give , but no one ever wants it ’ ‘ in all my dreams i could find myself picking my teeth out of the carpet ’ ‘ i’m sick to death of everyone telling me how strong i am ’ ‘ death is one of the senses ’ ‘ children are not meant to die before their parents ’ ‘ fate is a fucking lie ’ ‘ everyone i love leaves ’ ‘ i’m terrified down to my very roots that there are parts of myself that can never be filled ’ ‘ fuck the idea that there is such a thing as destiny ’ ‘ the pain did not make me a better person ’ ‘ i burned the bridges to all the things i could not repair ’ ‘ i would thank you , but we both know you don’t deserve it ’ ‘ i bet you regret making an enemy out of me ’ ‘ you can hate me forever if that’s what you really want ’ ‘ hurting others is a choice ’ ‘ you can have my forgiveness but you can’t have me ’ ‘ please believe me when i say revenge was never my intention ’ ‘ i am strong enough for anything ’ ‘ i am so glad we were born during the same lifetime ’ ‘ i may not believe in fate , but i believe in you ’ ‘ i am allowed to live my life ’ ‘ do not waste a minute mourning me ’ ‘ maybe you should start treating people better for a change ’ ‘ it is a fucking tragedy when the world does not stop for you when you give it every last drop of your blood ’ ‘ your failures are just what happened — they don’t have to be who you are ’ ‘ you have to keep moving forward ’ ‘ don’t allow the world to take your kindness ’ ‘ you owe no one your forgiveness ’ ‘ love is never a weakness ’

[bellidyr]

“ there need never be any rules between us. “

ᴍᴇᴍᴇ: ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜʟᴇss

THE VERACITY OF HIS UTTERANCE STIRRED NO DOUBT.  whatever “ rules ” laid the foundation of their acquaintance were unspoken, inconsequential, nonexistent. he never sought to restrain her with moral qualms   &  it was so natural to be utterly herself, to savor the ease of existence, next to him.  no bounds, no limits, no delusions.  with him —   it was  FREEDOM. 

with a dulcet hum, impressions of a smile dawned on roseate lips.  ❛  I am quite fond of that sentiment.  ❜ some might condemn her a fool,   for blindly holding no apprehensions towards him. but she, who knew not of fear,  not of death or pain or lies,  could not piece him as the monster they saw through their eyes. because through hers,   HE WAS INTRIGUE,  EXCITEMENT,  A RIDDLE.  &  she was nothing less than enthralled.  

❛  never have I needed nor desired to restrict you with trifling rules. I do so enjoy you in all your chaos.  ❜   it need not be said, this was but a superfluous manner to convey —  “  I trust you.  ”  

@liesmth

​

[quotemadness]

“I’m not good. I don’t know why people have to pretend to be good, nobody’s good.”

— Tennessee Williams (via quotemadness)

[wordsnquotes]

“In another world, we could have been so much more.”

— the-young-and-bold, writing prompt #65: write a ten-word-story (via wnq-writers)

[onceuponamusing]

                ALONE  and  LONELY                 are not the same thing.

                                  — but sometimes,                                   I get CONFUSED                                   about which I am.

[bellidyr]

          NOT MANY FACES   repeatedly flaunted in front of her sight. there were civilians, who barely registered in her consciousness, and enemies, who didn’t live to be sighted twice. but he had crawled in from the edges of her periphery,   &   suddenly was  EVERYWHERE.   always,   always   there whenever she turned around. over   &   over again until he burrowed into her subconscious. she wasn’t even aware — not until he WASN’T there that realization dawned upon her adrenaline-filled brain; she had   expected  his presence. how?   since when?   though it wasn’t as if she had the luxury of contemplation as it only took one second of DISTRACTION to—

of course   though, now he was there.   &   through blurry sights, he was the LAST face she saw before unconsciousness swallowed her like a wave. 

(  in the back of her mind, she tried to remember   what reasoning   had prompted her to leave him be that first time? the answer eluded her. then suddenly, she blinked, and there was light. )

of course   though, he was the first face she saw. nothing else about the scene rang familiar EXCEPT HIM.  &   finally, she was starting to notice a pattern, but that didn’t answer anything. 

@huntead

​

[xnarvaezjr]

w e a k.              I hate that feeling.

[bellidyr]

Bad luck relies on absolutely perfect timing.

ᴍᴇᴍᴇ: ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜʟᴇss

eyes lift to study his face as the words fall from his lips. a handful of interpretations flit through her mind but   NONE  seem to be a   fitting reply.   though perhaps it was not the quote itself that mattered at all.  

❛   luck is an   odd thing   isn’t it? sometimes the circumstances fit together so utterly miraculously you question whether there was not some  divine intervention   guiding them towards an end.   ❜   fluidly, in a practiced move, her fingers reached out to grasp at the end of his cloak sleeve, just the   smallest of connections   but one nonetheless.  

❛   but it has always   seemed pointless   to me, to ponder about forces I have no control over. Oedipus attempted to fight his horrid fate yet ended up right where his destiny foretold.   I know how I will meet my end,   that has never been a question,   but—   ❜ 

trailing into the silence, her gaze broke away to study where her hand   CLUTCHED  at him. there almost seemed to be an unconscious moment of   hesitation,   a foreign concept to her before him, though it lasted only a second before she dragged her eyes back up to meet his.  

❛    to say this, here, is the most   UNPREDICTABLE   of circumstances is no exaggeration. however even if this is just a detour, it is not an…   unwelcome one.    ❜   the words did not flow with her normal grace or confidence. not out of fear, but rather an utter   lack of comprehension   as to what it was she was   feeling.   there were no words in her vocabulary   &   no precedents to rely on. the confusion was unsettling.  

❛   regardless of how long our acquaintance will last, I have   enjoyed   your presence just the same.   ❜

@maskforged

[mitchellwrites]

deathless ♚ sentence meme

You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast.

You are going to break your promise. I understand.

You’re lonely too.

It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be.

I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable.

I am your servant.

I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased.

For you alone I will be weak.

I belong here, and you will not deny me.

I say these things, and the world listens.

I do not tolerate a world emptied of you. I have tried.

In the dark, I have pored over the loss of you like pale gold.

I will not let her speak because I love her, and when you love someone, you do not make them tell war stories.

I moved the earth and the water for you.

You will always run away with her.

You will always lose her.

You will always be a fool.

You will always be dead, in a city of ice, snow falling into your ear.

You have already done all of this and will do it again.

No one should be judged for loving more than they ought, only for loving not enough.

We look terrible to you, and severe, and you see our blood flying.

What we carry between us is hard-won, and we made it just as we wished it to be, just the color, just the shape.

There need never be any rules between us.

Let us be greedy together; let us hoard.

Do not leave me, swear that you will never leave me.

I am selfish. I am cruel. My mate cannot be less than I.

Sleep with fists closed and shoot straight.

I can’t abide a poor liar.

You look like a winter’s night. I could sleep inside the cold of you.

Oh, quit that. Blushing is for virgins and Christians.

Scold me; deny me. Tell me you want what you want and damn me forever. But don’t leave me.

Bad luck relies on absolutely perfect timing.

In his own country, Death can be kind.

What is the world but a boxing ring where fools and devils put up their fists?

Men die. It’s practically what they’re for.

I am no one; I am nothing.

Nothing in me was not made by you.

A revelation is always the end of something. It might even be cause for grief.

Just tell yourself a story that’ll satisfy you and pretend he told it.

Forever isn’t bright; it isn’t like that. Forever is cold and hard and final.

I savor bitterness - it is born of experience. It is the privilege of one who has truly lived.

If you want to kill yourself, do not use us as your knife.

What did I do wrong? Was I boring? Did I ignore you?

Don’t you dare speak to me like that.

I have worn nothing but blood and death for years.

I have fought all your battles for you, just as you asked me.

I have learned not to cry when I strangle a man.

I have learned to watch everything die.

I am not a little girl anymore, dazzled by your magic. It is my magic, now, too.

Are we not devils?

No one is now what they were before the war.

I have not seen you without your skin on.

Close up your head; your brain is getting loose.

We obsess. It’s in our nature.

I’ve a devil of a habit for being right.

In war you must always choose sides.

If you try to be a bridge laid down between them, they will tear you in half.

We are all dead. All equal. Broken and aimless and believing we are alive.

My old bones will follow yours soon enough.

It is better to be strong and cruel than to be fair.

I will see him with his skin off before I agree to fall in love.

After love, no one is what they were before.

I have survived, but I have not been spared.

In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you.

Frighten me, make me cry, only come back.

It’s not so bad, my darling. Being dead. It’s like being alive, only colder.

You’ll think it’s love, while he dines on your heart.

You will be so beautiful when you are old.

I cannot keep you and I cannot let you go.

You will live as you live in any world…with difficulty, and grief.

I look at you and it is like my throat being cut.

She said you’d come and I swore to eat your heart.

I still want to kiss you.

My heart is being cut in two. I cannot bear it.

What happens to anything beautiful?

I have to know, I have to or else you will just rule me until the end of everything because you know and I do not.

[bellidyr]

fear ?    had she ever felt seizing heart rates   &   cold sweats? overwhelming, drowning, gasping —   eating her alive. 

nope. never. nada.  N O. 

but fear   &   pain were the easiest affirmations of life. odd. two emotions she never recalled   (  or didn’t recognize if she had  ) ; two   SIMPLE,   basic feelings, yet they might as well have been as complicated as   love.   platonic, unconditional, sexual, hateful, passionate — a thousand variations, yet still somehow encompassed by   FOUR  measly letters.   (  fear, pain, love —   FOUR.   what was it about four? 四 in her tongue, sounded like   death  )

perhaps if her father had let her   MOURN,   to accept grief   &   acknowledge loss, she  may have   grown to understand pain. perhaps if her father had painted  DEATH   as a harrowing demise rather than  —

hah.   did you believe she could finish that thought?   what, did you think this was a sob story?   the tragic backstory for the lost little girl? you may  sympathize   (  even pity if you had the balls   ),  but such sentiments would fall on deaf ears. how could you teach the colorblind, how  VIBRANT   a color, red was?

maybe though, she was not blind, but rather just someone who had never known how to open her eyes. what could teach fear like a   TREASURE  could? did paranoia not follow right behind? it is in   THE MOMENT   something is gained that the heart swells  &   fear sinks its talons into flesh.   when? when? when,  will you lose   THIS   that you hold dear?   when,   will this joy be ripped away, leaving nothing but an   empty  cavern behind. 

& hilariously,  knowing that which awaited her, she   still   sought it out. not one consequence could dissuade her   ( no fear, remember? )   because it was   CURIOSITY  that drove. curious to see what she would value more than survival,   to see   what she was missing. 

how   human   of her, such an irrational decision, one filled with infinite risk to minimal gain. but that had never been a matter of question.  not even the thousands of lives who had   CURSED   her name with their last breaths, who saw in their delusional minds a   MONSTER  in her skin; no not even they could change her humanity.  she would die as she was born —   human.