For you only
｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Pairing: Boyfriend!Jaeyun × Fem!Reader
｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Genre: Fluff, Angst!!
｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Warnings: None!
｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Author's Note: Its an angst i wrote a few months ago, made me cry a lot... Hope you will like it as well<3
Jaeyun loved you more than it would ever be possible for a human to love someone. You were his first in everything, and he wanted you to be his last too. He wanted to make you happy in every day of his life and see your smile every morning when waking up next to you. Feel your skin as he hugs or kisses you, touches your hand or draws little nothings on your bare back as the rising sunshine paints your figure beautifully, just for you to turn to him once you wake up and kiss him. He wanted you to cut his hair and he wanted to braid and wash yours, he wanted to sing for you and just hold you close, pulling you onto his lap before going back dancing. He wanted to hear your praises after every little thing he accomplished, looking at you with bright eyes like a little boy. And oh did he compliment you too. He told you how beautiful, precious, talented and smart you are in every way he could. He made you feel more loved than anyone else. He never forgot to tell you that he loves you, but he could say "I love you" in different words too. In the mornings when he left with a "Be safe on the way to work!", when he said "Watch out, the breakfast is still hot!", or when he just said "Sleep well, princess". And then if you had a nightmare, he woke you up and kissed the bad memories away. You were his everything. After long days at work, when he got home all stressed out, when he thought he could yell a mountain away by a few inches, he saw you in your pjs eating some chocolate while watching tv. He snuggled up by your side, hiding his face in your neck, tickling you with his nose while you covered his bare feet with the blanket and fed him with some chocolate so he was warm and comfy. You were head over heels for him, in every meaning. And he loved you, everything about you, as simply as that. He never wanted to lose you.
Then he found out he was going to die. He already felt like dying inside when he thought about leaving you alone. He broke. At first he didnt tell you. He wanted to sort out some things in himself first, even tho he already knew what he was going to do. He just needed to get ready for it. For losing you.
He started to act differently, and you noticed that. Of course you did. He wouldnt ask you for a walk outside anymore, wouldnt tell you how you looked pretty, wouldnt cook food anymore, wouldnt want to get intimate with you anymore. Even when you tried to kiss him, he would turn away coldly. He didnt talk to you, only when you asked. You had to ask him out about this.
"Do you have difficulties at work, babe? Is it tough?" you stood behind him and started massaging his shoulder as he was reading some papers to distract himself. He felt so weak. He couldnt not tell you when you cornered him like this. He was craving for your touches but he knew it was the best if he refused them. Refused you.
"Everything is cool" he said shortly. You were startled. You pursed your lips and dropped your arms in disappointment.
"Then... Tell me honestly. Do you have someone else?" He felt like a zombie. He knew he should lie to you and let you fell out of love with him, let you hate him because that was easier for both of you. But he just couldnt say that he cheated on you.
"No" he cut it short.
"So you just... Dont love me anymore? Is there something wrong with me?" He was so close to telling you about how wrong you are and how perfect you are. He fell into silence.
"Baby, please talk to me. You know, communicating. I dont even know whats up with you anymore, you are the one who always insists on talking things out and here you are not even talking to me for the past week. I had so many ideas about how your work must be overwhelming you, and i somewhat even thought about you liking someone else. But if its with me, then lets just talk it out. Did i hurt you or say something bad? Or i just dont look attractive? Am i too clingy? We can come up with a solution, baby" you reassured him. He teared up a bit.
"I dont want to talk about anything" he sighed, head hanging down.
You licked your lips. "Then what do you want me to do?" you asked silently, not waiting for his answer, taking your coat, bag and keys and left the house pissed.
He felt so lifeless. He wanted to ramble and kick and hit everything. He wanted to ruin everything around him. But he felt like it has all came to an end. As he looked around in the silence, he didnt feel like he belonged here. He thought about you living in here alone, and he couldnt even imagine himself with you. The realization snapped in him - he doesnt belong to you anymore. So, instead, he just took out a small picture of you two together from the frame on the table: it was his favorite picture. He loved that day - it was your 4th anniversary, and you spent it on a picnic. You two went for a walk in the forest on a sunny day. He loved how you prepared that extremely big picnic basket, filled it up with all the goodies, even made heart-shaped tiny nutella sandwiches. You looked so pretty in your sweet pale-blue dress. He loved the way you accidentally blinked on the picture and your face looked so funny. And till this very day you still got grumpy whenever you looked at that picture because you wanted to look prettier, but little did you know that you were the most beautiful human for him, even if you made a funny grimace. He will remember you like this. He will keep you close like this.
He shoved the small picture in his pocket, took his keys and some necessary things he needed. Then, after a last glance at the empty, silent, gloomy living room, he locked the door for the last time in his short life. He disappeared and erased himself from your life as best as he could. You never saw him again, even though you were searching for him. You cried for a hundred nights and had nightmares for a hundred more, thinking he will open the door and hug you, but you never knew he died. And you never knew that on his last breath, he was holding your picture close to his chest, your name falling from his lips before the last beat of his heart, which always had been beating for you only.
Please dont steal/publish/edit/translate my work in any form.