Beta Astors

26 // Beta // Sterling Pack Bartender at The Eclipse Clerk for the Fairmoore Police

[isidore-blackburn-blog]

Let Me See You Stripped | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

Their hearts were beating as one. Where it had just been Izzy’s heartbeat echoing in his ears a few moments ago, now their hearts slammed in the same time, fast, eager, a little scared. They had no idea what was going to happen next. They had no idea what the future held for them. Isidore was out now, honorably discharged after everything that he’d seen and done. He wouldn’t be going back to the army now, or ever. If he was being honest, he didn’t want back in. He wanted to stay here, stay in Freddy’s arms.

The tears made his chest ache, but his own were soon overflowing, and a laugh escaped him. Everything about Freddy made his chest hurt, and in the moments before Freddy’s lips claimed his again, it seemed as if time slowed down. He couldn’t help thinking of heat week, the way their lips had met, the desperate need he’d felt in the wake of seeing Freddy again. But it wasn’t the heat that had caused his desperation.

No, it had always been Freddy.

His thoughts drifted to Austin, as time continued to drag on and on and on, in the moments between his heartbeat and Freddy’s lips claiming his. He’d thought that Freddy had moved on, when he’d heard about the two of them again. He’d thought that he’d lost his chances with the other man. But now, here they were, and time sped back up as Izzy surged forward to claim Freddy’s lips. His arms wrapped around the other beta’s neck, and he pressed him back into the couch with the force of his body. He needed this, he needed Freddy, and their feelings had finally come to the surface.

Freddy loved him. Freddy only loved him. Freddy had only ever loved him.

A desperate whine caught in the beta’s throat, and he felt a sob catching in his throat. “I love you, I love you,” he gasped out against Freddy’s mouth, hands sliding up into Freddy’s hair. “Good fuck I love you-”

Christ, how had they been so stupid to ignore all of this for so long. It was like the world was now cracked open with their admissions, and the freedom of it was overwhelming. Izzy was all that mattered, all that ever mattered, even before. And now with the former soldier pressing him into the couch, there was nothing sweeter than the taste of his tear-salted lips and the sound of his voice.

Freddy almost choked on his own emotions, short sobs of relief filling the gaps between their heated contact. “I love you too,” he murmured against swollen lips, grinning wildly as his hands moved to wrap arms around Izzy’s back, holding him close. “Never leave,” he said, mouth moving to kiss along the sharp edge of Izzy’s jaw, breathing in his scent and squeezing him tight. It was done now, there was no going back from this and Freddy couldn’t be more relieved.

The hurried kiss had somehow melted into a desperate hug, Freddy’s nose now nestled into the crook of Izzy’s neck below his ear. The moment felt surreal, like a vivid memory that seemed too frantic to be real. But the scent of the other beta filled his lungs, the locks of Izzy’s hair tickled his cheeks, and the sound of his steady breathing and beating heart filled in the gaps of what he had missed for so long. “You’re really back,” he whispered, “I got you back,” he said, eyes squeezing shut to release the rest of the tears that had gathered with the thought of Izzy still being in the hospital only a year prior. Things weren’t the same for so long, Freddy had began to think they would never go back. But now here they were, their lives bouncing back even further from where they used to stand, landing them here in the solid territory of something more than they dared to ask for.

[isidore-blackburn-blog]

Let Me See You Stripped | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

Sitting across from Freddy now, Izzy felt as if his heart were beating so hard it might come leaping out of his chest. He tried to slow his heart rate down. He didn’t want to worry Freddy, didn’t want him to think anything was wrong, because there really was nothing wrong. The pair of them just worked so easily, fit together so perfectly, and Izzy… Izzy wanted more. He wanted to wake up every morning next to Freddy. He wanted to sprawl out on the couch beside him every night, flick through tv, share easy kisses between them at any given opportunity. He wanted to be able to work his morning routine around Freddy’s, wanted to feel the pair of them settling into each other like an orbit.

Izzy looked down at Freddy’s hands wrapped around his own. Freddy’s skin tone was warm, but it was still lighter than Izzy’s own, and the former soldier couldn’t help himself as he stroked his thumb across Freddy’s knuckles. A small smile curled across his lips, soft and easy.

They’d been dancing around something bigger than just the pair of them for so many years… Izzy lifted his dark eyes to Freddy’s face, and for the first time in so long, he looked completely and utterly at peace. There was no pain in his eyes, no darkness shadowing around him. For this moment, it was just him and Freddy. They’d been through so much together. They’d be friends for over twenty years, and been bordering on this something more since they were teenagers. And Isidore was finally goddamn ready to stop dancing.

Izzy leaned forward slightly, slipping one hand away from Freddy’s touch to cup his cheek. His eyes were warm and dark on the other wolf’s, and his lips curled into a warm smile. “I love you, Freddy,” he repeated, softer than before. “I’m in love with you.” It felt good to finally say the words, like taking flight. It felt exhilarating. “I’m in love with you,” he said again, his smile starting to border on giddy. A laugh bubbled up in him, and Izzy surged forward, kissing Freddy eagerly, a quick click of teeth, slide of tongue, heat blossoming between them. A laugh escaped again, pressed up against Freddy’s mouth, and Izzy forced himself to sit back, biting his lip. “I know I kind of just sprung that on you, but Freddy, I’ve been in love with you since we were teenagers and I… I could’ve lost you, last year.” His voice grew softer. “I could’ve lost everything. And I can’t stand the thought of what could happen if one of us died without me telling you just how much you fucking mean to me.”

Izzy found Freddy’s hands again, curling his fingers around them and squeezing hard.

“I’m in love with you, Freddy Astors.”

For a moment the sound of Izzy’s heartbeat made Freddy’s brows rise, concern beginning to rise with the thought that something might be wrong. But a small smile was on the other wolf’s face as he looked down at their joined hands, stroking gently along the back of Freddy’s hand. It didn’t look like anything was wrong. 

Freddy gave Izzy’s hand another squeeze, the pressure acting as a silent question and a reminder that he was still here with him. But the concern faded away as soon as Iz looked up at him again, Freddy losing himself in the warmth of his brown eyes. Freddy didn’t know what this was about, but he knew he’d never get sick of seeing Isidore like this again, cheeks full and face bright. He could look at him forever with the softened edges of his smile and the way his eyes sparkled while he thought. Freddy would only ever forgot how perfect Izzy looked whenever something brought the bubbling laughter to the surface, the sound of his voice never failing to make him happier.

Pressing into the hand against his cheek, Freddy let his eyes droop closed for a moment, soaking in the warmth of Izzy’s palm. When Iz spoke, Freddy opened his eyes again, an easy smile on his face. It took a moment before the second phrase began to sink in and Freddy’s calm expression slipped into something more surprised, his heart beating faster in his chest. Was he... What was Izzy saying? 

The kiss was there all of a sudden, bringing a flush of heat into Freddy’s face as Izzy laughed against his lips. Freddy’s brain was having a very hard to turning its cogs to work out what Iz was saying, not when the wolf’s scent filled his lungs to the brim and the hurried press of lips veiled everything else in his mind. 

When Izzy pulled away, the only thing that kept Freddy from surging forward to pull him close again was the wolf speaking. Freddy’s heart was thumping wildly in his chest now, shaking his ribs as he took in the words, feeling each one resonate inside himself with a mirrors truth in their meaning. Freddy never let himself think about this, or at least, stopped himself soon after he ever began thinking about what they were. It only complicated things when Iz flew off again to fight and only got harder when he didn’t seem himself when he returned last year. But now, with the things Isidore was voicing, Freddy knew he was done in.

The emotions filled him and brought tears to his eyes as he squeezed back. “I’ve never been in love with anyone else but you,” he breathed, the honesty of the words only dawning on him when he spoke them. Freddy released a short breath of laughter then leaned forward to press a kiss to Isidore’s mouth, needier than anything he’d ever felt before.

[isidore-blackburn-blog]

Let Me See You Stripped | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

The dinner had been perfect. Izzy had even gone so far as to call his mother and have her coach him through cooking every single item. He wanted to impress Freddy, because after all this time, twenty-something years of friendship and the past ten years of something more… Well, Izzy wanted something more. Something more than the more they had. They weren’t idiot boys riding around town anymore, laughing and partying and making out underneath the bleachers and up against trees or in the backseat of Freddy’s car. They weren’t even really the young men who had fought for months on end up about Izzy’s decision to join the army, who’d come back together like fireworks. Isidore could still remember the scent of salt in the air the first time he’d gotten to taste Freddy’s skin again after their months of arguments and silence.

That scent would haunt him forever, the thought that he was going to lose Freddy for doing something he believed whole-heartedly he needed to do.

And oh, he’d nearly lost him, hadn’t he? He’d nearly lost everything.

So Isidore was goddamn ready to man the fuck up and say something, to pour all of his love out into his hands and hope that Freddy felt just as strongly as he did. He knew there was something between them, something like a golden cord connecting them. It’d been there for so long it was a part of him, and the thought of being without that connection to Freddy made him sick. Isidore paused in the doorway back out into the living room after taking their plates into the kitchen. His arms crossed over his chest, looking at the back of Freddy’s head, and he thought about the taste of his lips, thought about the way his laugh felt pressed into Izzy’s skin. His face softened, and Izzy couldn’t help leaning over the back of the couch to touch his lips to Freddy’s throat, lingering there for a few long moments, just breathing the other wolf in.

The former soldier rounded the couch easily, settling on the ottoman in front of the couch instead of the seat beside Freddy. A small smile spread across his face, and his thoughts flashed to the last time they’d sat on this couch together, thought of Freddy’s hand just this side of too tight on his cock, fucking perfect, thought of their teeth clicking and tongues meeting and felt his stomach clench, just slightly. His smile spread a little wider as his hands dropped between his spread knees, looking up at Freddy fondly.

“Freddy… You know I love you, right?” It wasn’t what he’d planned on starting out with, but he found himself reminding Freddy more and more of the fact lately.

Freddy settled into the couch, breathing a satisfied breath as Izzy took the last of the dishes into the kitchen. It had been a fantastic dinner; the food was better than anything Iz had ever made before and he told him as much. But what he got from the night so far was a sense of things going back to how they were. Granted, there were still the odd moments where Freddy felt a pang of hesitation in his chest, unsure if he was pushing too much or holding back too far from the other wolf, but for the most part, the familiarity of their lighthearted banter and easy conversation filled the air between them. It was all still much better than how things had been a year prior, when nothing was certain and it felt like their relationship friendship sat precariously on a bed of nails. It was more solid now, a connection they certainly had before everything happened- before Iz was sent back practically in pieces. 

A familiar press of lips appeared against his throat and Freddy instinctively tilted his head back and hummed with the contact. He felt a rush in his chest, filling him with warmth as Isidore’s scent wrapped around him, mixing with the smell of dinner still lingering in his lungs. He missed this sort of thing. The easy brushes of skin, the soft short press of lips in passing. Freddy lifted his hand to thread his fingers into Izzy’s hair for a moment, revelling in the touch.

The aching feeling from the loss of contact didn’t last long as Isidore soon sat himself in front of Freddy, bringing out a soft smile from the older wolf. He could look at him forever like this, limbs loose and relaxed, a warm smile on his face. Freddy had just gotten over of the unnerving urge to pull Izzy close at any given moment- hold him tight so he wouldn’t risk almost losing him again. But now he wanted to tug him close for other reasons altogether. He wanted to feel the expanse of his dark skin under fingertips, the press of their chests against each other as their lips danced together and the sounds of their breathing filled the room.

Freddy’s smile spread into a grin when Iz asked the question, one that he’d been getting more used to hearing recently. He leaned forward in his seat to catch the other’s hands in his own, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Yeah,” he replied easily, “I love you too.”

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A Broken Homecoming | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

The pair of them were a ridiculous, teary mess, both of their faces wet. The scent of salt was starting to overwhelm him, but underneath it all was Freddy. The shirt he was wearing wasn’t his, his pants had a faint scent of alcohol on them, and the scent of people that weren’t family, weren’t pack, lingered all over him. But it was Freddy. This was his Freddy, standing in front of him, pressing their foreheads together, telling him that he forgave him. Another soft hiccuping sob escaped him, and his chest burned, his eyes burned. Everything felt as if it was throbbing, the ache bone-deep. He was still so tired, but he needed to stay awake, needed to see his Freddy again.

“I shouldn’t have ever agreed to be a part of the Commandos. S-Shouldn’t have- This wouldn’t have e-ever happened.”

Izzy coughed, the sound like a painful rattle in his chest, and he slumped back into the pillows a little heavier. His eyes fluttered, hand tightening around Freddy’s. If they weren’t so hard to hurt, Izzy might’ve bruised the other man, but he needed the anchor, needed to feel Freddy this close. A heavy sigh slipped through his lips, eyes fluttering, but the wolf forced himself to lift his chin a little, brushing his lips against Freddy’s jaw. Their noses dragged together, and Izzy forced his eyes to remain open so he could look up at the older man properly. Everything about Freddy set his senses on fire. He loved this man with every beat of his heart. This was his best friend, his…

God, was now really the time to be thinking about what they were? Because Izzy didn’t even know how to put it into words. They weren’t friends with benefits. It went so much deeper than that, but it wasn’t as if they’d ever put an official name to whatever it was they had.

“I’m so tired, Freddy,” Izzy murmured, eyes fluttering shut again. When he breathed in this time, the scents of his parents were starting to trickle in, and within minutes they’d open the door to the room again, carrying food and things that smelled like home. Izzy lifted his head just enough to see his mother’s face, and a small smile curled across his lips as he looked at her. “Hey, Ma.” His voice was shaky, and his eyes were starting to droop more and more, no matter how hard he was trying to keep them open. He looked up at Freddy through his lashes after a long moment, smiling up at him again. “Love you… Love all of you.” In a few moments more Isidore had dropped back off into sleep.

If you asked Izzy, he felt as if he’d only been asleep a few seconds when the nightmares started. Flashes of the faces of the men and women in his unit, each of them dropping slowly like flies. Mark had died during the capture, eyes gone wide with shock as the bullets tore through him. Day after day, hunger tearing at his stomach, hot metal being pressed to the insides of his thighs, being cracked down over his knees. Head shoved into cold water again and again, hair torn out in vicious chunks, blood dripping down his nose-

“I won’t tell you, I’ll never tell you- Kill me then! Kill me then because you won’t get jack fucking shit out of me you-” Teeth snapping forward, dislocating his shoulder in an effort to get at the man’s throat, blood dripping down into his eye from the split in his brow. 

Isidore came away with a savage scream, pulling at bindings that weren’t there, thrashing, pulling stitches, teeth bared just like they were in the memories. He was panting, and everything was a threat, and he had to get out-

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SONS OF BITCHES, I WON’T TELL YOU ANYTHING-”

Freddy gave a small shake of his head, “You did what you felt was right,” he soothed, never completely alright with Izzy’s decision to join the army, but still never wanting to stand in his way. Iz seemed set on his military career and as the years went on, it only solidified into a stable part of his life. Becoming a commando hadn’t come as that big of a shock when Isidore broke the news. Freddy ended up just being happy that Iz could grow his hair out again. That all seemed so long ago now...

As Izzy coughed and settled back into the pillow, Freddy leaned back slightly, refusing to sink back into this seat, instead remaining hunched close. He pushed back Izzy’s hair gently, a weak smile playing on his lips. With the light brushing of skin, the skirting of Iz’s lips, Freddy was teetering on the fence between giving the commando and needy kiss and crying again. Or maybe both. But then Isidore spoke again, “You should get some rest,” he said quietly before the door to the room opened behind him.

Freddy settled back into his seat, turning to flash a soft smile at Isidores parents, his hand still clasped firmly in Izzy’s.

It had been a bittersweet feeling to see Isidore slipping away into unconsciousness again. Despite the fact that he sounded hoarse and exhausted, Freddy had a deep desire to hear his voice, listen to him talk about anything. The older wolf needed something to hold onto to remind him that Izzy was actually back- that he was really truly here, home safe and sound.

Minutes passed and about half an hour after Iz had fallen asleep again, Freddy began to doze off, positioned semi-comfortably in his chair. It was so quiet, Isidore’s parent’s having gone back to the hotel down the road to get some actual sleep.

Then the air changed, Freddy almost missing the sour sent that appeared. He roused slightly, feeling Izzy’s hand clench once before his hand was suddenly pushed away with a frantic force he’d never seen before.

Isidore was almost a blur, sitting up abruptly, and thrashing his arms as if he were possessed, and Freddy was up and on his feet in milliseconds.

“Iz,” he said firmly, eyes wide with worry, darting around to try and figure out what to do. “Izzy, it’s me,” he said, moving closer to try and place a hand on the wolf’s shoulder to calm him. “Hey- I’m right here, Iz. You’re back. You’re saf-” the word was smacked from his mouth as Izzy’s elbow caught him in the cheek, “-fuck.”

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isidore-blackburn:

A bright laugh bubbled up out of Isidore at those words, and he laughed until it nearly hurt at the thought of those shorts. He was nearly breathless when he started to speak, leaning into Freddy heavily as he tried to catch his breath and talk at the same time. “O-Okay, those shorts were a one time thing, it w-was a joke-” He nearly giggled as he thought of everyone’s reactions to him wearing those shorts as he jogged through town, trying not to snort. “I burnt those shorts, I swear I did. They’ll never see the light of day again, and they will certainly never cup my ass so perfectly ever again. I’ll leave the ass-cupping to you.” His words were playfully teasing, and a warm smile lingered on his face. Isidore had been going to therapy sessions often since the beginning of his rehabilitation. They had helped him to find some of the man he was before, to help figure himself out again. There were still far more dark days than he wanted, but today…

Today was good.

Izzy felt his heart skip a beat as Freddy’s hand squeezed around his own, and he closed his eyes for a moment to just soak it all up, the heat, the familiar brush of Freddy’s palm. He swallowed, and when his eyes opened again they were soft, warm on the ground in front of them as they walked. Slowly, so slowly, his thumb stroked back and forth over Freddy’s knuckles, his own fingers squeezing back around Freddy’s. For a long few minutes, Izzy didn’t speak, simply savoring the quiet, their hands linked, his shoulder brushing up against Freddy’s. He wanted to kiss him, wanted to brush kisses across each and ever one of his fingertips, under his eyes, across his cheekbones. He wanted to kiss Freddy until he’d run out of places to kiss.

“Do you remember the first time we kissed, Freddy? Under the bleachers, before I had practice for track. I’d dragged you under there for some stupid excuse and then I just…” Laid one on you. “I’d been thinking about it for a while before then.”

Freddy mirrored Izzy’s laughter, pressing back into the contact. “How could you??” he asked with mock bewilderment, “Now I can’t laugh at the people gawking at you while you jog through town.” He shook his head, leaning against Isidore, laughing lightly. It was easy the way they talked today, much more like how it used to be between them. Izzy seemed at ease and it only made Freddy happier to be in his presence.

They were coming up to their usual tree now, the one they’d spent a lot of time under back in high school. Things were a little different now, the landscaping updated, the tree a little bigger and more knotted than before. Freddy smiled warmly at it before Izzy spoke up.

A brow lifted ever so slightly, the memory returning in a soft haze in his mind. God, that had been so long ago, he’d almost forgotten how it happened. Their slow pace came to a stop and Freddy turning to face Isidore, fingers still laced together. “Yeah,” he said softly, smiling to himself, “I’d been thinking about it too.” The kiss had come as a relief, a response to the worrying question that had lingered in Freddy’s mind for so long. “I thought I was dreaming for the first few seconds,” he said with a light chuckle, his eyes softening as they settled on Isidore’s face, “Then I realized it was a fucking sloppy kiss,” he laughed.

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A Broken Homecoming | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

He had everything to be sorry for.

He had ruined them.

Every beautiful moment between them, every happy memory, everything they could’ve had between Isidore turning eighteen to now, he’d ruined them all. He’d shattered whatever life they could’ve had, peaceful and idyllic and perfect. But it would’ve been too perfect. They’d been so close since they were practically in diapers, and if they’d kept going the same way they had, would they have ever put a name to what they were? Would they have ended up happily married, adopting pups, sated and happy and…

No.

The pair of them, they might’ve been domestic, but they couldn’t have had a life like that, not right off the bat. Neither of them could settle for something like that, not without doing something first. And then Freddy with law school, and him with the Army… They’d both had dreams, and their dreams were shattered and they were left sitting here in a hospital room with an IV slowly drip drip dripping it’s way into Izzy’s veins, trying to keep the worst of his pain at bay.

A rough sigh escaped the soldier, tilting his head into Freddy’s touch automatically. His eyes shuttered closed, trembling slightly as Freddy tried to console him. When he looked back up, Freddy had tears in his eyes and everything was wrenching, it all hurt, and all he wanted was to have Freddy in his arms. A broken sob caught in his own throat, and Isidore struggled to sit up a little more, trying to reach out and comfort his best friend, his Freddy, his whole goddamn world. “Freddy, Freddy please- Don’t fucking cry, you know I can’t handle it when you cry- F-Freddy, please-”

He was hiccuping around his own tears now, apologies stumbling out of his lips. He apologized for nearly dying, for scaring Freddy, for every single time he’d ever made him worry, he apologized for every fight but never for joining the Army. He couldn’t apologize for that. He was sobbing so hard it was making his chest ache at this point, begging Freddy to forgive him for every stupid thing he’d ever done, begging Freddy to stop crying and smile again, just like he’d always used to.

Isidore drew in a ragged breath, tears streaming down his face with abandon, reaching out so he could grip one of Freddy’s hands in an iron-tight fist.

“Iz,” he breathed, his voice catching in his throat as Isidore made a noise that tore a hole in his chest. Freddy tried to wipe away the tears on his cheeks but they kept coming. Christ, he’d thought he’d gotten it all out of his system already, finished crying over the thought of losing his Izzy. Never seeing the brightness in his face again or hearing the bubbling sounds of his laughter. Feeling the heat of his skin against his own or threading their fingers together as they talked. He was so scared that he’d never have any of that again, never have a chance to make it into something more. His mind had turned that thought over and over as the nurse came in and took the tube out of an unconscious Isidore, the tears flowing steadily as the wrenching sense of fear and longing swelled in his chest. It was a dark cloud shrouding his mind, a painful splinter in his heart, but Freddy had calmed himself, soothed the buzzing anxiety in his bones and focused on the wolf lying here in front of him.

Now it all came back in a wave of near-panic, making Freddy lean close, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He hushed Izzy quietly, his own throat threatening to release their own sobs as he gently pressed their foreheads together. “I forgive you, Iz. I’ll always forgive you- for everything,” he said through tightness in his chest. 

He was here, he was back. That’s all that mattered now, Freddy didn’t care what had happened. “I’m here, Iz, I’m here,” he whispered, trying to comfort them both, the aching still harsh in his chest, “You’re here with me, that’s all I care about." He breathed best he could through the soft sobbing, taking in the scent of Iz, picking it out from beneath the smell of blood and antiseptics. He filled his lungs, remembering how that smell had made his heart flutter in the summer, their limbs tangled together in the warm bed, sunlight filtering through the open blinds of his room. How his scent had made him feel at home when Izzy visited him at college. That scent was still there, beneath the other smells that were never part of their memories together. So he held onto it.

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isidore-blackburn:

“I’m talking about those shapeless… black… parachute pants things that they wear. Just, damn, thinking about your ass in those…” Isidore faked fanning himself, fluttering his eyes at his best friend. “It’s getting me all hot under the collar.” Of course, everything about Freddy got him hot under the collar. Shy Freddy, drunk Freddy with that goofy grin on his face, angry Freddy as he stared him down and asked him why the hell he had to enlist.

Isidore swallowed at the thought of that particular Freddy. Every single fight they’d ever had… They’d all been his fault, hadn’t they? He couldn’t apologize for what he’d done though, not even now. The Army had changed him, broken him, practically ruined him, but he couldn’t take it all back now with an apology.

“Five years ago, yeah. Can you believe we’ve known each other for twenty-three years, Freddy? I mean, we don’t exactly remember those first couple of years, but whatever.” His first memory of Freddy was hazy now, but it involved a comment about his curly hair being pretty and a gap-toothed smile. God, that smile hadn’t changed in all the years they’d known each other. A little crooked, bright, beautiful, and it never failed to make Izzy want to drag him in for a kiss.

“Time fuckin’ flies…” Izzy bit his lip, glancing over at Freddy once before biting the bullet and reaching out to lace his fingers through the other man’s. His hand was calloused now, much rougher than it had been when they were still teenagers, but his thumb was gentle where it stroked across Freddy’s knuckles.

“Oh, of course,” he laughed, “You always loved the mysterious- never know what sort of ass those pants could hide,” he teased, shaking his head. “I on the other hand, can’t wait for summer when I can see you in your running shorts again. The ones that leave little to the imagination,” he said, smirking. He couldn’t help but turn the tables, move the focus onto Izzy instead. Freddy kept finding his eyes wandering to his best friend, following the slope of his shoulders, mapping the scars that now streaked across various parts of his exposed skin. There was a bittersweetness to it all; an aching regret over the things that had happened, wrapped tightly together with a resounding sense of relief for his return.

“Not really,” he replied, grinning to himself, remembering the first time he’d seen Isidore in elementary school, bright-eyed and curious as he wandered the school playground. There’d been a few years when they’d both been in the same split-grade class, where their friendship sparked. That was a long time ago, when things were simpler.

The next moment, Freddy felt familiar fingers slipping between his own, the unforgettable warmth of Izzy’s palm pressed to his. He looked over at the darker wolf, catching his eye in an instance that felt like it lasted much longer than the brief second it took place in. In that look he could see more of the old Izzy than he’d seen at all over the past year. Granted, it sat behind a veil of something subtle, something hard and broken, but it was him. A warm smile crept onto his face before he glanced down at his feet, content in walking in comfortable silence, squeezing Isidore’s hand gently.

[beta-astors-blog]

After watching the wolf curiously for a moment, he couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

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A Broken Homecoming | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

“Only been using it since I looked it up in the dictionary and found your picture next to the definition,” Isidore murmured, a joke he’d been making since he had started using the term of endearment. Another small smile curled up at the corners of his lips, but it soon fell flat, and his eyes flickered around the room again, slow. It was as if he were losing himself for moments at a time, disengaging from what was happening in front of him, letting himself drift. Those moments weren’t spent in the past, or in thoughts of the future. Those moments were blank, where a protective shell rose up around him as his mind tried to comprehend just what it was that he’d been through.

The date drew him back in this time. January 6th. How long had he actually been in the hospital here? So many questions started to rise, swirling around in his head and making him feel as if he needed to bend over the side of the bed and hurl. As it was, the trembling remained for a few moments longer, his right hand clenching in the sheets. Freddy’s hand sliding into his made his shoulders slowly start to loosen up, and he looked back up at the older man with dark eyes. There were too many emotions in those eyes, mixing up together until you couldn’t really tell one from another.

The flat tone of Freddy’s voice struck him as if he’d actually been hit, and Izzy let the words sink in. As much as he wanted to argue, he knew Freddy was right. He’d have kept fighting, he’d have always found a way to fight. But if…

No.

If…

If they’d only talked about what it was between them, what they’d felt building for years, maybe… Izzy knew that if they were just best friends who were also lovers, knew that if they’d talked about what it was between them, knew that if they’d put a name to what it was that they had, that Freddy could’ve stopped him. He’d have found another way to fight, to live his own life. Izzy’s eyes clenched shut for a few long moments. He remembered his old argument, “You left me first,” remembered how childish he’d sounded saying it. Freddy’s arguments made so much more sense now that he was laying in this bed, staring up at the ceiling for a few long moments before he found Freddy’s face again.

“I’m sorry…” He finally whispered.

Freddy smiled fondly, giving his head a slight shake at the familiar joke. Surprisingly, it didn’t get any more unbearable each time Izzy used it. As the expression on Isidore’s face fell, so did Freddy’s, concern appearing in the crease between his brows, seeing the way Izzy seemed to drift away from him. He set down the cup carefully, eyes never leaving the broken soldier as he shifted closer. He hoped this was only temporary, that this was just Isidore recovering from the medications he’d been given and healing from the trauma.

Oh god, that wasn’t the right thing to say. Izzy didn’t need to hear that right now, not when he had everything else sitting on his shoulders. Freddy could see Isidore’s mind at work, his expression always turning a shade more serious when he was in thought. He wanted to take back what he said, take back the finality of his words. When Izzy’s eyes squeezed shut, he felt the air leave his lungs. But all he did was hold onto Izzy’s hand, rubbing gently circled against it as he sat in silence. What was there to say now? Words couldn’t heal anything at this point.

Then Isidore whispered, and Freddy was looking back at him with confusion, then sadness. “No,” he replied simply, giving Izzy’s hand a squeeze, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” The hand that had been settled on Isidore’s shoulder finding its way up to Izzy’s face to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. “You lived your life how you needed to. Never can never take that away, alright? The only thing I care about is that you’re here now,” he said, vision blurring slightly with the tears that welled up in his eyes. His thumb grazed softly across Isidore’s cheek, trailing a spot underneath a row of neat stitches. “Fuck, I was so scared I lost you,” he whispered, mouth pressing into a line as the tears finally came, streaming down his cheeks and onto the blanket that covered Isidore’s legs. He’d been numbing himself to it all, the feeling that scratched at the inside of his ribcage, trying to reach into his heart. He couldn’t be happier now to see Isidore awake, but the floodgates opened and the emotions he’d been guarding finally escaped.

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Text: Oscar

Freddy: See look

Freddy: [image attached: https://41.media.tumblr.com/1569aa7da5da0ced3b4d6910bb9fd24b/tumblr_o0rgl0pXsg1v1vrklo1_400.jpg]

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reneplaysmusic:

“I suppose it is, not like I can take those years back in any way” Rene shrugged, it frustrated him in a way, that he’d missed so many things and that he couldn’t fix some of it. He should have been around for his siblings more, but he’d been in New York, dealing with his own issues. “Yeah, they’re cute, even if they don’t appreciate the music they like having a part of their day spent being creative” He gestured aimlessly with his hand, “Instead I slowly go  mad while they learn”

“Figuring that one out as I go, even the people I’ve left seem to have gotten more interesting” A laugh left his lips, “Good to know, I used to love the library, stocked music for me while I was in high school” Rene hummed softly, remembering paging over the sheet music, guitar in his lap or piano at his fingers. 

“I hear ya,” Freddy agreed, giving a nod. He wouldn’t mind getting a second chance at a few things, he was sure everyone wouldn’t. “Too bad that’s not how life works,” he chuckled. “Well we appreciate your sacrifice,” he grinned.

“That’s supposed to come with age, I hear,” he teased. “Of course you did, I doubt you’d be teaching it if you hadn’t had decent resources back in the day.” He took a sip from his beer, idly wondering what other direction his life could have gone had he’d found something he was more passionate about like Rene had. “Tell me about New York. What’s one of the most memorable things that happened to you?

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isidore-blackburn:

Isidore’s first thought was that Freddy would look damn good in the dress blues of the Navy. He didn’t let the words spill out over his tongue, though, simply because he felt as if the military were a sort of taboo between them. Like if they mentioned it the buzzer would sound and they’d lose the game and whatever this fragile peace they’d made with each other now that Izzy was home would crash down. “You’d look damn good in one of those fast food restaurant uniforms…” Isidore mused softly, lifting a hand to his chin and rubbing it thoughtfully. His tone was teasing, lips curling in a wide grin as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“It’s still there,” Isidore murmured, softening at the thought of all those nights sprawled out under its roots or in its branches. He smiled wide at the thought of sitting on the hood of Freddy’s car and looking up at the stars. He remembered slow, teasing kisses. He remembered trying to slide across the hood of Freddy’s car like he was on the Dukes of Hazzard. At the mention of the nearly broken driver’s seat, Izzy gasped as if he’d been shocked. “Hey, you swore never to mention that again. Now I’m going to have to bring up you accidentally throwing a condom onto the shirt you’d borrowed from your dad instead of into the trash and him asking you about the smell the next day.” Isidore grinned brilliantly, stepping out of Freddy’s reach. It felt so easy to be around Freddy. He knew they had a dozen things to work through, a million things left unsaid. But right now…

They felt okay again.

Freddy hadn’t even thought about the implications or possible uniforms that could be thought up with that question until a moment later, his face paling slightly at the realization, but thankfully, it seemed Isidore didn’t take it that way. “Oh, so like McDonald’s then?” he asked, playing along, “I was never a fan of polo shirts, but if you say so,” he grinned.

“Oh god, I’d forgotten about that,” he said, reaching up to drag a hand down his face, “I turned bright red when he asked. Pretty sure he just threw that shirt in the trash,” he said shaking his head. “I can’t believe that was like.. five years ago,” he said, brows rising when he did the rough math, moving close beside Izzy again. “Time fuckin’ flies, huh.” So much had happened since the easy way they spent their summers, without a care in the world. But for now, if felt a little like it did back then, the lightness in their moods and the bright smile on Izzy’s face. How he’d missed that this past year.

[tylerwitchcreek-deactivated2016]

Cravings || Freddy - Austin

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auboyd:

He really needed to find a new phrase to mutter under his breath when he was excited, or scared, or at his wits ends– basically Austin just needed to find something other than fuck me to say since everyone seemed to take him literally. It was starting to get annoying– that is until Freddy took it the wrong way too. If anyone else had said it he would have rolled his eyes and pushed them away out of annoyance, and repetition, but he was so lost in the most confusing moment of his life that Freddy could have been reading him names out of the phone book and it would leave Austin whimpering for more. In his defense? His dreams were finally becoming reality, things weren’t going to make sense.

Lifting his left hand from Freddy’s shoulder, he let it loosely work up the back of his neck so he could grip the older wolf’s hair as he felt those soft, warm lips against his neck as he was pulled off the wall. With a hushed gasp, the Omega found himself dropped from the Beta’s warmth as he was cushioned against the soft, plush bed beneath him. This was actually happening, Freddy was actually taking his shirt off and looking down at him like he was the only object of his desire. That alone was enough to leave Austin aching to be touched which, when mixed with his heightened needs thanks to the heat, meant he was going to be nothing more than a moaning mess of a wolf. That was already beginning to show through as he had to bite his tongue to muffle his moans as he felt Freddy slowly trail kisses up his paled torso as Austin’s shirt was slowly pushed up and out of his way. “Fuck,” he whimpered under the Beta, his head pressing back into the mattress as he lifted his chest into him. “You’re going to be the death of me,” Austin managed to tease with a broken, breathy laugh as he let out another quiet, quivering moan.

Freddy grinned when he heard the words coming from Austin’s mouth, the shirt finally shifting high enough to pull off of the omega. He could barely understand his own thoughts, his mind racing with all the sensations being filtered into his brain. The way Austin felt under his fingers, his scent filling his lungs, and the salty taste of his skin as he licked a trail up to his neck. He released a low chuckle, “Not until we’re done,” he teased back, sucking a mark into the soft skin as Freddy’s hands slid up the sides of Austin’s torso.

This was a surreal experience, where Freddy finally got to act on the impulses he’d been denying for the past weeks. It was relief, finally being able to see and feel Austin underneath him, hear the soft sounds that tumbled from his throat. Freddy rumbled again, hearing the moan slip from Austin’s lips, sending a shiver of excitement down his spine. He crashed their mouths together again as he rolled his hips, feeling their hardening lengths press together despite the layers of fabric that still separated them. Freddy groaned with the sensation, the friction only adding to the rising heat that was building between their bodies. “Fuck,” Freddy breathed, when his lower instincts got the better of him and he broke from their kiss again, too eager to linger on any one activity for long.

He wanted to taste him. All of him, and so Freddy moved to beginning pulling off Austin’s pants,

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isidore-blackburn:

“I’m just saying there’s uniforms that would look better on you. You know I’ve never had a thing for the police.” Isidore grinned warmly, and at the press of Freddy’s knee against his own, his eyes slowly slid shut, until his lashes were resting against his cheeks. His hand slipped under the table, gently brushing against Freddy’s thigh. He thought of the kiss they’d shared outside during heat week, the achingly familiar slide of Freddy’s tongue against his own, the sweet sounds he’d made. Izzy opened his eyes again, the brown depths darker than before. 

Isidore was eager to be out in the cool air again. He was sure he’d be shedding his coat within a few minutes of their walk, one perk of always running hot. He sipped at his coffee, brows lifting at Freddy’s question. He looked out the door, head tilting slowly. “Do you remember that spot in the park we’d always meet up at? Towards the middle of it, with that big tree? Is it still there?” Izzy moved towards the door, pulling it open for Freddy and once they started walking he let their shoulders bump together easily. “We used to walk these streets all the time together before you finally got your license and you got to take the car out.” He remembered late night drives, cruising up and down the streets they’d known their whole lives. A small, fond smile spread across his face.

“Which ones in particular? I’m asking for a friend,” he teased, shaking his head, “Unluckily for you, I spend a lot of time with them nowadays.” Freddy felt the press subtle touch of Izzy’s hand on his leg, seeing the way his eyes drooped shut and his scent shifted. For a moment he wondered if it was still heat week, if the way the contact made his body fill with heat and rush with endorphins could be explained by something as uncontrollable as that.

A fond grin grew on Freddy’s face, lighting him up as Izzy brought up the place in the park, “Yeah. It’s still there.” He stepped out into the cool afternoon air, letting Isidore fall into step beside him before he began their walk. “I remember,” he replied, smiling to himself as Izzy bumped against him, “And then in the summer we’d just end up parking near the field by Devon’s farm and lie on the hood looking at the stars.” He wasn’t expecting this coffee date to involve so much reminiscing, but he quickly found his head tumbling into the memories he had of Fairmoore before he left for college. “That care went through a lot,” he chuckled, “Not as much as the one my parents got me when I got into college though.” He shook his head with a sigh, “Remember when you almost broke the driver’s seat?” he asked turning to nudge Isidore gently with his elbow.

A Broken Homecoming | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

“I should have never let you leave.” The thought made him want to laugh. He thought of himself, six years ago, eighteen, a senior in high school ready to throw himself into the real world and prove himself. He might not’ve been born an Alpha, but he goddamn acted like one. Isidore was a good enough student, when he thought about it retrospectively. He could’ve gone on to school, done something, probably end up back at Full Moon Music, living out the rest of his life in Fairmoore. But as much as Isidore loved his family, his friends, his home, he wanted to see the world. He wanted to step outside of the boundaries of Fairmoore and show the world what he had.

Freddy had been in his first year of college when the military recruiters had come to Fairmoore High. Izzy hadn’t called him that night like he normally might’ve. Instead. he’d had a long, long talk that had turned into a fight that had turned back into a talk with his parents. It had ended with the three of them sitting together in the living room, Krishna and Marie resigning themselves to the fact that Izzy had made up his mind, and he didn’t end up changing it.

Winter break came rolling around, Freddy home, fresh-faced and happy. And the first goddamn thing out of Izzy’s mouth had been “Freddy, Freddy, I’ve decided I’m enlisting in the Army as soon as I turn eighteen!”

Freddy had laughed until it had caught in his throat. He’d looked at Izzy with confusion painted all over his face, asked him if he was serious because Izzy wasn’t laughing along with him. When Izzy had started to explain that yes, he was serious, and no, this really wasn’t a joke, Freddy’s slightly confused, crumpled expression had stuck in his memory.

The next four months had been terrible. How many fights had they had? Freddy trying to convince him that joining the Army was a terrible idea, Izzy trying to convince Freddy in turn that it was the perfect idea, that it was obviously what he needed to do with his life. They’d spent an entire month right after Izzy had told Freddy about his enlisting not talking, with Freddy not even making the trips back home to Fairmoore. Isidore had started the drive up to Freddy’s college a dozen times only to stop himself, because he wouldn’t apologize for doing what he wanted to do with his life. Freddy started to come home again, but every meeting ended another fight until they only had a few weeks left before Izzy turned eighteen.

Izzy could still remember the night they’d made love for the first time in months. Freddy was only supposed to be home for a day, had to rush back in the morning because of a presentation. Izzy had showed up on his doorstep, walked him backwards into his room, and they’d talked, they’d fucked, and when it was all over Izzy had laid sprawled against Freddy’s chest, slowly realizing that if anyone could stop him from joining the Army, it would be Freddy.

“I should have never let you leave.” Those words echoed in his head as Freddy came to stand by his bed again, and Isidore blinked away the haze of memories, of past hurts. Instead, he stared up at Freddy, an exhausted smile curling across his lips. It pulled at his bandages, and Izzy winced slightly. At the question, Izzy nodded slowly, eyes never leaving Freddy’s face.

“Hey, gorgeous…” His voice was rough and scratchy, softer than it had ever been. There was real emotion on his face as he stared up at his best friend. “Never told you-” Izzy coughed, and it continued for a few long moments, his throat too dry to make the words easy. He waited until he’d gotten a sip of water before continuing. His eyes were warm on Freddy’s face. “Never told you that you were the only one with any chance of keeping me here.” Izzy cleared his throat, wincing again. His eyes roamed around the room, quietly. Flashes of damp walls, the scent of bitter piss in his nose. A patient two rooms over was crying out in pain, and blood- He could smell so much blood-

Izzy was shaking as he focused back on Freddy’s face, using his scent to ground him to the present. There was fear in Izzy’s eyes as he stared up at the other Beta, a flight or fight instinct kicking in. But it took a few deep gulps of Freddy’s scent and Izzy was slowly calming back down. “What day is it?”

“I’ll never get used to that,” he replied, referring to the term of endearment Izzy used, shaking his head slightly as he moved to pour a cup. Freddy hurried the action when Isidore began to cough, quickly bringing over the water with a straw and holding it to Izzy’s mouth as he settled a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Careful,” he cautioned, not wanting him to choke. 

Freddy’s brows pinched together with confusion, not understanding what Izzy was talking about. Was he talking about the hospital? Keeping him here like in terms of taking care of him while he recovered? It didn’t line up with anything at the forefront of his mind. Was he... was he talking about the army? All those years ago?

It had been a long time since they had their fights about it all, about Isidore’s future, but the regret that now surrounded it all felt as fresh as if it all happened two weeks ago. As if it could have altered how things could have gone. Freddy began to replay what had happened, back when he was still a bright-eyed freshman at college, driving home on most weekends to see a hot-headed Izzy who couldn’t wait to get out high school. It all changed after the military recruiters showed up and exposed Izzy to the possibilities of an exciting life in the army. Those months had been hell after Iz told him of his decision, of joining as soon as he was eligible. Fuck, Freddy was so angry about it, about all of it. About Izzy for wanting to do something so reckless, about the recruiters for showing up in the first place. There was so much anger and frustration at that point in their lives that Freddy had pushed those memories back to the deepest recesses of his mind.

It wasn’t until now, when all of this could have been avoided, all of the things he’d argued about, the reasons why Iz should stay in Fairmoore and out of trouble. They almost all rang true now. All except for losing Isidore altogether.

He noticed the expression change, Izzy’s scent shifting into something fearful as he visibly began to tremble. Freddy’s swirling thoughts were put on hold when his concern was pulled back to the present. “It’s uh- January,” he started, pulling out his phone to check, “the 6th. It’s past midnight now,” he answered, his attention moving back to Izzy again. Freddy was silent, a hand wrapped around Izzy’s without him even noticing while his thoughts wandered back to what the younger wolf had said.

‘Any chance of keeping me here’

That didn’t make Freddy feel any better. Thinking that he, and he only, could have been the one to save him of all this, of the bandages wrapped around him, the drugs and painkillers being pumped into his system. If he could have been the one to prevent it all, then why didn’t he?

“I never had a chance, Iz,” he replied finally, his voice flatter than normal, “As much as I could keep you from fighting the alphas at school you’d never stop fighting.” Or at least, that’s what Freddy was going to tell himself to absolve some of the guilt now settling in his stomach.

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isidore-blackburn:

The accelerated heart rate reached his ears, and Isidore’s grin spread even further across his face. The former soldier ducked his head, laughing softly at the flush spreading across Freddy’s cheeks, the telltale look of being winded. His hair looked as if Izzy had been running his hands through it again and again just to make it stand straight up. Isidore sat up slightly, grinning up at Freddy as the other Beta approached the table. He waved off his apologies, shaking his head, but a laugh bubbled up in his chest as he realized just what it was Freddy was saying. “I’m sure you’d be a pretty pleasing police stripper,” Isidore teased, flicking the other Beta’s elbow with a grin.

“I haven’t been waiting long, I promise.” Now that Freddy’s scent was enveloping him, the dark wolf was relaxing into the slightly uncomfortable chair. He’d always preferred booths, but the longer he was in the Army, the more the need to have his back to a wall, protected and safe, grew. “I got here about five minutes before we were supposed to meet. Been sipping on this.” He held up his coffee, and then gently knocked his foot up against Freddy’s under the table. Izzy’s face was ridiculously fond as he looked at the other man. Izzy looked more like the Isidore that had grown up in Fairmoore as he relaxed back into his chair, grinning softly, brows arched up slightly.

“Now, I know we’d planned a coffee date to catch up, but the longer I sit here the antsier I get. Do you wanna catch your breath, get your coffee, and go for a walk around town?”

“Only pleasing? I feel like I should be offended,” he replied, shaking his head as he chuckled. Freddy gave Izzy a soft smile, seeing him relax slightly. He pressed back against the contact under the table, stretching out his leg a little more so their knees pressed together, letting him feel the other wolf’s heat despite the layers of fabric. He’d missed that face the most, even above the heated tumbles in bed every time Iz returned from a mission or the way he always knew the perfect spot to run his fingers through his hair. That expression always made Freddy bubble with warmth inside, and reminded him of the old Iz.

Freddy’s brows lifted, briefly wondering what that meant, if the fact that Izzy wasn’t comfortable with sitting still for long periods meant more than just simply having too much energy. But the thought passed and he smiled, “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll be good to go once the coffee’s ready,” he said, glancing over at the barista, which at that moment raised his hand to hail Freddy down. “And that’s my cue,” he said, rising from his seat and pulling on his coat, still warm since he was just wearing it. He stepped away and quickly too pay and returned by the time Izzy had his coat on. “Any destination in mind or just aimless wandering?”

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A Broken Homecoming | Izzy and Freddy

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isidore-blackburn:

Isidore watched Krishna reluctantly releasing Marie’s hand as she walked away from the bed and out into the hall. His eyes tracked her movements before flicking back to his father as the older man gently touched his shoulder. He wanted to smile, wanted to reassure. But he was so tired, and just sitting here like this was taking so much out of him… After everything he’d been through, didn’t he deserve to sleep? Why couldn’t he just sleep? Sleeping would take away all the hurt…

Familiar warmth against his hand, that scent flooding his senses. Where his eyes had been drooping, now they were wide open, his fingers curling around Freddy’s in turn. The dark-skinned Beta had to blink rather frantically to try and keep the tears from spilling out again. Freddy’s smile soothed the deeper part of his brain, even if he could tell just how forced it was. He squeezed Freddy’s hand again, much weaker than he might’ve ever done it before.

Before, every touch with Freddy had been fierce, passionate. Every time he’d hugged him, kissed him, it had been like it was the last time he’d ever get to. But until he’d been captured, it had never occurred to him that he could actually die, and he had wished that he’d made the most of every single second he’d ever gotten with his parents, with his friends, with Freddy. Because then, even when he’d never let someone go a day without letting them know how he felt.

Izzy swallowed, the motion painful around the tube in his throat. He dragged his fingertips against Freddy’s pulse point, reminding himself that the other Beta really was alive.

Freddy was the only one he’d never told how deep his feelings truly went. Oh, he’d told Freddy again and again that he loved him, but they were best friends, pack mates, and… Well, they’d been something more, too. They’d been an unofficial more, never talking about what was really happening between them because they’d always thought they’d have all the time in the world.

The world, however, did not work like that. And now Izzy was in a hospital bed, wishing he could tell Freddy just how much he meant to him, just how much he really loved him. But at that moment Marie stepped back in with a nurse who ushered Krishna and Freddy both back. Izzy stretched a hand out to Freddy, eyes never leaving his face, but the nurse stepped into his line of sight and Izzy slumped back into the bed with an exhausted breath. When the medication had been administered, it only took a few moments for the pain to start to seep away.

“He seems to be breathing well enough on his own. We’ll get that tube out once the medication has put him back to sleep, and when he wakes up again, he should be able to talk. We would all advise that you just… Don’t push him. What he’s been through is incredibly traumatic. He may not want to talk about anything that happened, and you shouldn’t ask.”

Isidore missed everything else she said, as he slipped off into a painless and dreamless sleep.

When he awoke again, the tube was out of his throat. His chest ached a little, and his throat felt as if sandpaper had been scraped down it. He opened his mouth once, closed it, trying to get that disgusting taste and dry feeling out of it. His eyes blinked open slowly, looking around the room again. Krishna and Marie were both gone, though their scents were fresh; they’d surely only been gone about five minutes.

“Fr- Freddy?” His voice cracked, trying to crane his head around. He could still smell the other Beta, but was he still actually in the room?

Freddy hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath, his heart lodged in his throat, cutting off any air going to his brain. He couldn’t think straight, just barely noticing the way Izzy’s scent was different from normal- a blunted staleness that made it feel like Freddy was only looking at a picture of him. But then Isidore gave a soft squeeze, his eyes suddenly open wide in a way that made Freddy briefly worry if he had somehow hurt him with his small gesture. He was here. Iz was here and with him and that was all that mattered. The forced smile melted into something genuine, filled with happiness that was tinted with a heavy veil of worry.

Izzy squeezed his hand again and though it was nothing close to the strength Freddy was used to, he could see that he was trying. He squeezed back, a gesture that was an echo of the playfulness that they always had together. Freddy’s tensed features softened, and a soft breath of momentary relief left him.

“I should have never let you leave,” he uttered quietly, not able to make his voice much louder than a murmur. Oh how upset he’d been when Izzy had first enlisted, being told he wanted to serve his country and kick some ass while he did it. That seemed like decades ago. A distant memory that was now poisoned with the bitter feeling of regret. With every passing year, the reality that Isidore could get hurt became less likely in their minds. That wouldn’t happen to Iz. It could never... But now he lay here and Freddy almost lost him completely.

Suddenly there was another voice in the room, tapping his shoulder and asking him to move to the side. Freddy let go reluctantly, giving the nurse a glancing look of concern before settling in behind Isidore’s parents again.

The instructions didn’t get past a superficial level of Freddy’s consciousness, his eyes locked on the little view he had of Izzy’s hand, the rest of him obscured by the nurse and the sheet on the bed.

Isidore was asleep for about an hour after the tube was removed now, the nurse telling them it was better for him to get some more rest anyway and to sleep through some of the pain. Marie and Krishna has just left to get some coffee and pick up some food for them all. They’d gotten to the hospital two hours before Freddy, so he didn’t blame them, standing just outside the room as he watched them walk down the hall, Krishna having thrown a protective arm over Marie’s shoulder. Freddy released a sigh, breathing in the mixture of scents that lingered nearby, the scent of other patients and visitors filling his nose. There was some familiarity in it, having spent enough time with his father at the hospital back in Fairmoore to know the smell of antibacterial soaps and sanitizers. Freddy found his mind wandering to his own parents and he suddenly realized he should send them a text to tell them he wasn’t in town and wouldn’t be until further notice. 

As soon as he sent the text a voice came from behind him and he turned around immediately, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Iz?” he asked, stepping back into the room, eyes wide with concern and hopefulness. “Shit, you’re awake,” he breathed, moving over to the bed, feeling the sudden urge to hug the other beta. he stopped himself just as he reached Izzy, his face falling slightly as he remembered the wolf was still badly injured. He stood there dumbly, just looking at him, finally seeing his face without that god awful tube in his mouth, and the bandages on his face looking fresh since the nurse changed them earlier. His hands opened and clenched at his sides, unsure what to do. “Are you thirsty?” he asked, glancing at the pitchy of water, cup, and straw on the nearby table.