betterCall

FREE INQUIRIES AND LEGAL ADVICE

[better-call-saulgo]

IN LEGAL TROUBLE?

HI! 

I’M SAULGO ODDMAN

LEGISLASCERATOR AND ALTERNIA’S BEST AND ONLY DEFENSE ATTORNEY!! 

FREE LEGAL ADVICE  HERE → ☎️

OOC ↓

remake of a previous post. I really wanted to redesign his business card loll, plus I figured I should finally make a proper intro post

Saulgo is the resident tealblood of the @alternian-mayhem ttrpg 

This blog takes place before current events in the campaign, unless he finds a way (or a reason) to post from space. @stewkid is my main where I’ll hopefully remember to post more art of this guy 

since this blog gets a bit of interaction I've given the AM account perms to reblog ooc posts here :3

I’m planning on reformatting this blog a lot, it’ll probably be a slow process though cause I’m pretty new to this. I’ve made a link to past ask replies here → VOICEMAIL

[jimmlyarts]

i was inspired by @better-call-saulgo

GUSTAV OFRING

[better-call-saulgo]

wha7 5h0uld i (7eal) d0 if my ex-friend (cerulean) give5 me permanen7 brain damage and i can n0 l0nger phy5ically feel any7hing?

make them pay...

[better-call-saulgo]

if you find a grub in the wild are you better off returning it to the caverns or culling it?

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

the law requires all grubs to be raised in the caverns

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[better-call-saulgo]

if a rustblood clown is at church with some purplebloods, would it be illegal for them to sacrifice an indigoblood to the mirthful messiahs with them?

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

not if they don’t know you’re a rustblood!

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[distortedampersand]

([[[[){

Isopod

[better-call-saulgo]

zo let'z z@y f@r the z@ke @f dizcuzzi@n th@t @ zm@rt, ch@rizm@tic, zexy engineer (i @m telling y@u all thiz @b@ut the engineer s@ y@u c@n underst@nd th@t zhe isn't @t f@ult. hyp@thetic@lly.) were t@ zell a pr@duct. let'z z@y @n @ut@m@tic kitchen @ppli@nce. 2 @ t@rget @udience @f. hmm. ze@dwellerz. @nly 2 dizc@ver @fter the pr@duct went t@ m@rket th@t it

1. d@ezn't w@rk with@ut pzi@nicz

2. LITER@LLY BL@WS UP UNDER W@TER I FUCKED UP I'M Z@RRY

i me@n. he'z z@rry.

h@w fucked iz he in c@urt when the lawzuits zt@rt c@ming in?

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

my first piece of advice? don't apologize to legislascerators. 

the psionic thing'll be a breeze. as for your underwater issue: there are many, very exploitable, holes in the laws around product safety that could make you– er i mean, a very smart, charismatic, and sexy engineer not liable for the damages.

HOWEVER

considering the population affected by this oversight is made up of sea-dwelling royalbloods, this troll would be royally fucked in court.

that is, without the right tealblood representing him.

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[better-call-saulgo]

Better Call Saulgo: Alternian Mayhem

[alternian-mayhem]

meet (exe)cute

Saulgo Oddman and Johnny Maniac met in a more unusual manner than most, but still ended up with a thriving business(?) relationship.

art by @stewkid

characters by @stewkid and @vegetable-wrangler

...somewhat.

[alternian-mayhem]

for better or worse

then and now

art by @stewkid

[better-call-saulgo]

QQuestion what is the legality of eating highbloods for alternianSS

IIt's kinda just normal for me bc uHH. II'm from a different society n subspecies and we *all* eat carrion bc wEE. AAdapted to do that after a *certain empire* tried to make us extinct but idKK

II just wanna know how much of a bounty is on my head outside of, yknow, my general existance and line of worKK!

@burninggills

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN  cannibalism isn't necessarily illegal on alternia, but eating a highblood could implicate that you killed said highblood, which is illegal. a lower bloodcaste eating a highblood could also be seen as a sort of political statement, which would warrant an immediate execution cannibalism is more of a general social no-no around here and if you get caught snacking on someone’s dead body, especially if it’s above gold or olive, chances are the witness is gonna take justice into their own hands. it’s the same case for lusii. it’s not illegal to eat them but alternians really adore their caretakers, and eating them would be seen as distasteful. an act worse than just killing them Livestock grubs like beefgrub are the primary source of socially acceptable meat products on alterna. there’s a popular theory that trolls aren't too genetically distant from grub meat. i choose not to think about it much, personally. looking through your page, i suggest you steer clear of alternia anyways.

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[alternian-mayhem]

Your name is SAULGO ODDMAN

Your name is SAULGO ODDMAN You wake up slumped over your DESK, in your OFFICE, which is also your HIVE, which is also attached to a HORN SALON. You’re a legislascerater, but you make way more profit off of your SIDE HUSTLE. It’s honestly more like your main hustle at this point. The entire thing definitely shouldn't be legal, but it ISN’T NECESSARILY ILLEGAL. You’ve mastered the art of BRIBING fellow civil servants with PLUSHIES from your vast collection, and despite your face and contact information being PLASTERED ON JUST ABOUT ANY SURFACE you can get it on, your practice somehow hasn't been questioned by the authorities. People in general tend to ignore your antics. You assume they’re all STUPID. YOU ADVERTISE YOUR LUCRATIVE SERVICES WITH BOLD WORDS AND BOLDER PUNCTUATION!! Your trolltag is betterCall but you prefer to handle sensitive information on your alt account, amicusCuriae, where you speak at a quieter angle.

art by @stewkid

[better-call-saulgo]

Can 1 be legally l1able for k1ll1ng trolls of h1gher castes than me even 1f 1ts part of my job?

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

on paper, anyone who kills a troll of a rare or higher caste is subject to culling, regardless of whether they were ordered to do so. however, if the troll that 'hypothetically' ordered you to kill someone is of a lower caste than the troll you 'hypothetically' killed, they would also be considered a guilty party. 

a legislascerator like myself might let you go if they can come up with evidence against the other troll in question- as a reward for snagging them an attractive case. 

sentences higher up the hemospectrum tend to make more profit.

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[better-call-saulgo]

is it pxssible tx get a restraining xrder against my brxther when he lives in the same bxdy as me?

-internallyOstracized

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

your situation certainly complicates it, but i’m sure we could work something out. Please contact me again to schedule a meeting where we can discuss this further.

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[better-call-saulgo]

Hey! Do you do divorce?

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

YEP! I’VE HAD 3 MYSELF!!

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[better-call-saulgo]

dø yøu cøver cases that may exist øutside yøur timeline? i.e alternate alternia / berføran cases.

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

no

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445

[better-call-saulgo]

(quirk masking) how do i get the drones to stop accusing me of being a lime. I'm a jadeblood in the caverns btw

THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING THE LAW OFFICES OF SAULGO ODDMAN 

you’ll have to provide a blood sample. 

if, for whatever reason, you can’t provide that sample yourself (i’m not one to make assumptions), i can source one out for you. however, i’ve gotta let you know it’s not gonna be cheap considering it’s jade blood. 

if payment’s an issue we can work something out but i strongly suggest you DON’T procure a sample yourself. 

CALL AGAIN (505) 403-445