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i've moved blogs!

#here as well. queueing this

i've moved blogs!

feel like shit can't get the sesame street little league team off the ground

#— crack ( i hope we both die )

peonywell

big bird is six years old and he's still learning numbers! perhaps johanna doesn't know about the color red!

... w. wait she's playing me for wh ( audible sound of the phone hitting the floor ) ( distant incoherent sobbing ) ( picks the phone up again )

NICK I DO NOT SUCK BLOOD! NICK YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME

betterlost

Yeah, no. On career day Johanna said she wants to run a pyramid scheme when she grows up and requested her next birthday party be themed around the black plague. Trust me, she knows about the color red.

( jesus christ. he rubs his temples ) I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT— I MEANT SUCKER LIKE - LIKE A FOOL. AN EASY TARGET?

#peonywell ; the count #— crack ( i hope we both die )#— verse ( sweepin the clouds away )

peonywell

oh! we weren't trying to teach elmo about the color red, we were teaching young johanna about the color red! she said she could learn about it if we painted her room!

betterlost

Jo? For the love of— last week she told me she wanted it green. It's a whole ongoing— okay listen, Count? First of all she's eight, she already knows about the color red. She's playing you for a sucker. Second of all, all redecorating plans get run by me first, alright, not you guys.

#peonywell ; the count #— verse ( sweepin the clouds away )#— crack ( i hope we both die )

peonywell

BUT KIWA - elmo this is what you do elmo you have to STAND UP for yourself - KIWA GAVE ME THREE HUNDRED NINETY SIX THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED SEVENTY ONE GRAINS OF RICE TO COUNT FROM HOOPER'S STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

betterlost

THEN GO AND COUNT THOSE AGAIN!!!! THERE IS ZERO - COUNT IT - ZERO REASON TO BE PAINTING MY WALLS. ELMO IS ALREADY RED. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT THE COLOR RED.

#peonywell ; the count #— verse ( sweepin the clouds away )#— crack ( i hope we both die )

peonywell

CAN'T A MAN HAVE MULTIPLE INTERESTS!!!!!!!!

( peaking the phone's microphone ) I AM JUST AS REAL AS YOU NICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN HAVE DIFFERENT HOBBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CONTAIN MULTITUDES!!!!!!!!!

betterlost

YOU CAN CONTAIN—

( screaming back louder to be heard over his phone's speaker maxing out ) YOU CAN CONTAIN MULTITUDES SOMEWHERE ELSE GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT GO TO CAOIMHE'S APARTMENT

#in the middle of work. hes like standing in the breakroom #peonywell ; the count #— verse ( sweepin the clouds away )#— crack ( i hope we both die )

teapottroubles

I'm telling you man I came home with groceries and Elmo and like 6 kids were on your stoop !

betterlost

Listen, if the topic of the segment is animals again make them move somewhere else, alright, and I'm not too keen on colors either. Letters is fine. Numbers is out.

#teapottroubles ; caoimhe #— verse ( sweepin the clouds away )#— crack ( i hope we both die )

peonywell

( on the other side of the phone, in the background ) AND NOW I WILL PAINT THE WALLS BRIGHT RED!

betterlost

YOU'RE NOT EVEN THE COLORS GUY YOU'RE THE COUNTING GUY

#— verse ( sweepin the clouds away )#peonywell ; the count #— crack ( i hope we both die )

( on the phone in the middle of the work ) what do you mean they took over my apartment for an educational segment make them un-take it over

#thinking abt the sesame street verse always

peonywell

THAT IS ZERO, ZERO CHILDREN ON YOUR DIVORCE ARRANGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

betterlost

( reaches over and holds the count's mouth shut like he's a dog ) as i was saying,

#— crack ( i hope we both die )

( strums bass ) this ones called No Children. believe it or not the kids at home can sing along

#he doesnt know any educational songs #— crack ( i hope we both die )

it's honest to god a miracle that woman is still friends with me

#— crack ( i hope we both die )

betterlost

( calling after the orchestra ) Let's make that nine.

Uh, you know... any other day and I'd be down for that, Count. But I'm not sure that's a good idea. I mean it's so cold, right? And this could take a while. You don't want to stand out here for hours.

peonywell

actually, lets make that ten! eleven! tw-

why, i'd love to count something for hours! i am clearing up my schedule for the rest of the day! yes, yes! besides, the cold doesn't bother me, my divorced friend! i have my little hat, my little gloves .. yes! i insist, you SIMPLY must shovel!! you MUST!!

betterlost

No, no no, no, that's okay. You really don't have to do that. I'm serious, you don't. I'm actually terrible at this whole shoveling thing, did you know that? Yeah. Basically do the whole job in just one really long scoop. Won't even be much to count. It'd suck to stand out here for that long just to count one thing.

#peonywell ; the count #— crack ( i hope we both die )

betterlost

( jesus fucking christ ) I— look, man, can you turn that down? It's six in the... freaking morning

peonywell

oh! i - i can. ( turning a full 180º degrees to look sadly at the orchestra following him ) i'm sorry guys .. maybe you can come back at sewen am?

no matter that - you mentioned SHOVELING the SNOW! why, and you can't shovel the snow without someone to count how many shovelfuls of snow you need to shovel the snow! please, please! allow me to count for you!

betterlost

( calling after the orchestra ) Let's make that nine.

Uh, you know... any other day and I'd be down for that, Count. But I'm not sure that's a good idea. I mean it's so cold, right? And this could take a while. You don't want to stand out here for hours.

#peonywell ; the count #— crack ( i hope we both die )

betterlost

positive affirmations (maybe if i go out and shovel all the sidewalk on this street the universe will reward me with 1 [one] normal day)

teapottroubles

( tossing a pot of boiling water off her stoop to clear the ice. ) This Will Certainly Not End Poorly For Me

betterlost

If you slip and bust your ass I am not driving you to the hospital.

#(he will)#— crack ( i hope we both die )

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