those who’ve only ever seen ena out of battle are often confused by them in battle, and vice versa. ena out of battle seems remarkably well - adjusted for someone who grew up in a cell and experiencing horrendous abuse; they’re clearly haunted and a bit unexpressive at a base level, but they smile easily, and when they do emote it’s always sincere. around hugo, they even seem comfortable and content.
in battle, though, they’re — almost manic, violent, reckless. they depend on others to act as supports and throw themselves wholly into killing. they cherish a strong foe because it gives them more space to cut loose. there’s none of gentle, content ena, its all violence and desperation, desperation, have to get it out now have to get it out havetogetitouthaveto ———
fighting is as close to therapy as ena ever gets.
their existence is a nightmare. hugo says it will get better, and in their mind they say it fucking better it fucking better IT FUCKING BETTER ITFUCKINGBETTER and outside they just smile. they are, especially prior to being picked up by hilda’s crawler, living in fucking hell. the state of the world is a nightmare for anybody, and that’s not even getting into their own specifics. they are abused, they are caged, they are — everything is bad. they want to break free, to kill everyone that’s ever hurt them, or hugo, or zeke, or the kids. if they have any hope at all of remaining steady, or level, or okay, they need to get the violence and the pain out somewhere, somehow. anything at all, but the hurt has to live someplace other than nestled in their fucking chest.
it worries the others. ena’s endurance is perpetually wearing thin, and they tend to go down in battle more than the others — even more than glass cannons like phym. they’re effective, sure, but at great cost to their body. all that keeps them from going farther is the knowledge that hugo needs them alive.