hell>:) @biconic-binch - Tumblr Blog

Franny Choi, from "Bird Watching"

my first gf could’ve been literally anyone BUT her. why did it have to be her lmao honestly

she still has her matching phone charm i just saw and it made me tear up bc i still have mine and it feels like we’re connected in that way but our bond has been broken. idk it’s kinda just like…… something we had matching together and we both still held onto them even though we’re apart. it’s like some little piece of our relationship (being that we each have our matching charms) is still alive while the rest of it died. that part didn’t die. idk i’m too emotional and this makes no sense i just miss her and i miss having her be My Person and i know i’m my own person apart from her too so i’m fine but it’s still like… the short amount of time where we intermingled and wove into each other’s lives so tightly and then we had to suddenly unravel. and when i say sudden i MEAN sudden. like we were forced out of the bond instead of having it untangle slowly on its own. so it makes it difficult when there’s something little that we both have held onto that harkens back to our relationship and us being two people together.

#also the lens cover and she has the lock charm even tho she never sent me the other part #kinda sucks #she probably stripped these things of meaning #i have too for the most part #like i have all the stuff she gave me #i’m not hiding any of it #bc at the end of the day it’s just Mine now and they’re just objects i like #i like the phone charm so i kept it #not because it has anything to do with her anymore #but i just got hit w a realization

not a huge fan of the pervasive emptiness and formidable heartbreak that haunts my every waking moment

i don’t even want to have sex with anyone again. it seems like.. fun in theory but when i realistically think about it i feel icky. i can make myself feel okay with it if there’s an emotional connection but like it’s hard

man eww i don’t even. bleh. she broke my heart so i’m fuckin annoyed and this isn’t necessarily my vent blog um. but i just don’t wanna think abt that part rn

but just being in that relationship and like… the lesbianism bro. talking about getting a strap. edging. the stuff in the videos they sent. “sit on my face” “i want you to sit on my lap and make out with me” . hmm not much else tbh, maybe some suggestive comments. but barely, bc sexual trauma and discomfort. but like

having had a girl who was mine who i had the real opportunity (kind of) to do stuff with .. bc before then, it was all just fantasies i had. i guess in our relationship it was still fantasies except now with an actual person and it being mutual.

with that being said maybe i’ll just hook up w sophia when i get the chance 😄 since they put that on the table for casual purposes and i’m down

#like a business exchange #just bc we wanna have sec #so ik that sounds bad out of context #like oh yah i’m just gonna go fuck this girl like yah bro i’m gonna seduce her /s #no #it’s like.. it’s already an offer #i’ll take it

do you even miss me? i want you to miss me

being bi is frustrating. i’m constantly having an internal battle with myself and asking how i can get people to believe i’m really gay if i’ve never been with a girl. i really want to, and i’m about as shy with them as i am with boys, but circumstances are that most of the time girls don’t wanna pursue me like how boys have pursued me in the past. i’ve only had one girl (the one from work) actually make a move on me but then all this covid shit happened so i couldn’t go through with it.

now that i have 🪐 i feel like my mind is just on them and only them. except i still do wanna hook up casually (with a girl/nb preferably. just someone queer) maybe to get me comfortable with being with 🪐. i don’t like my body and i feel way too self conscious about my breasts and my tummy. it doesn’t help that they comment on my appearance even if it’s just an observation/compliment; i still feel like now they *know* and see my insecurities. i just wish i could fuck them without thinking about all this

i say i’m horny when i’m not. what i mean is that i’m bored and want some form of attention . i’m tired of trying to feel aroused when i’m not

i wanna top someone idk? every time i’ve gotten physical with someone it’s just them taking charge and i receive a lot, and when i do give it feels pretty subby or vanilla, like a courtesy thing. it’s also only been with boys. i want to go down on a girl, feel her, feel inside her, whatever.,,, i wanna know she’s enjoying what i’m doing to her. of course i can do some of that to a boy too but i’m not 100% comfortable “topping” one.

i’m not necessarily lesbian, but i’m not less than a lesbian because of my additional attraction to men. the only difference is this extra layer to my sexuality.

rationalizing a situation lmao

should i feel bad for not mentioning that i’m open to other people? i mean we just met so it isn’t a big deal. i made out with someone and she basically confessed she was jealous that i’m seeing him and not her. i don’t feel anything for her and i don’t really know if i feel much for him. i kinda encouraged her to go for it too and i teased her until she just made a move. so i’m having fun?? i guess??? but not in a selfish way i hope. i kissed my friend at her birthday party a few times. i hooked up with someone before i really started talking to m***. i wonder if any of that will make him jealous. i wonder if he even has feelings. i wonder whether he’s approaching this monogamously or openly, if he’s looking for romance or sex or both, if he wants to be friends or something more. i can’t tell. it seems like he only wants to be with me at night and he won’t make daytime plans or anything where we hang in public. of course that means he’s hoping for something physical to happen. i get that, i’m not stupid. and i know he’s seeing someone else too but won’t tell me about it and won’t tell her about me. it’s sketchy. it sounds like he just wants to hook up so why is he asking to go on dates? why is he saying he wants to get to know me? i can’t ask these questions or i get told i’m just overthinking it and to calm down. but it doesn’t make sense to me. i’m getting mixed signals

i met a great boy i am so happy! it’s taken so fucking long to feel comfortable enough to get intimate with someone again. we’re making progress here but i’m still worried about doing everything and being more open. i can tell he knows i’m closed off and i don’t want to be but it’s just hard for me even though it’s something i want. i have so much anxiety and i don’t want to disappoint or have people have weird opinions of me. i hope he doesn’t.

a bit dommé...... but, imagining her teasing me is so hot. i wanna feel the curves of her body while she’s grinding on me. i’ll kiss her from her lips and move downward, be the one on top, watch how turned on she gets for me before i can even go any further

i wanna go down on a girl, i think i’ve realized i might prefer to give and not receive as much just because of my body issues but i’m not a dom, like i can’t give orders and exercise my power over another person since it makes me feel weird

#mmm power bottom

graphic-sapphic

If you straddle my hips and grind slightly, we’re fucking

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