An Open Letter to Women: Wait...What? My Man Wants What Where?
First and foremost, congratulations! This is exciting…and maybe confusing…and perhaps a little bit scary? All normal, not to worry. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Kate. I’ve been a self-proclaimed pegging princess for 12 years and in a happy, stable, open marriage with a great guy for 10 years. I’m a wife, a mother, a lover, a full-time professional, and a kick-ass friend. I’m not a porn star, dominatrix, or mistress, and I don’t enjoy dominating, humiliating, degrading, or feminizing my partners. I’m 40 and have the body to prove it. Overall, I’m pretty average—and believe it or not, there’s quite a large community of “average” pegging princesses across the world, though in truth we are anything but average!
Pegging is My Super Power
For me and many pegging princesses, ass play and pegging is about pleasure—plain and simple—and we view it as a giving act. Prostate stimulation can produce orgasms up to 10 times stronger and/or more intense than an average genital-stimulation-only male orgasm. WHOA! I totally get off on being the source of insane levels of pleasure for my man. I love the view, I love the adoration he gives me in return, and I love being a part of heightened levels of sexual pleasure for him and for myself.
Having a special sex skill is like having a super power—it makes me feel confident and empowered in and out of the bedroom. I do enjoy the lighter side of power exchange that pegging provides, but as I’ve said, pegging isn’t about dominating, humiliating, degrading, or feminizing my partners for me personally. I have no issue with that aspect of pegging for others as long as it’s consensual—it’s simply not my personal style and it doesn’t have to be yours.
Your Man Just Leveled Up…Join Him!
If your man wants to try something new in the bedroom and he had the courage to talk to you about it: 1) he’s a rock star, please tell him that; 2) he trusts you and that’s a good thing, so be kind and try not to embarrass him with a bad reaction even if it sounds like something you don’t want to try…hear him out; and 3) he’s telling you that he’s open to enhancing YOUR pleasure in the bedroom in equal measure to what he’s asking of you. Sounds like fun to me! Try to stay open minded and view this as an opportunity to share some of your fantasies.
Pegging definitely gives women an opportunity to take on a different role in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean it will change the overall dynamic of your relationship outside of the bedroom or change it permanently in the bedroom. Pegging is just one item on the menu! Pegging can be very empowering for both partners and can be a strong bonding experience. In fact, it can be a real turn-on to see a man let down his guard and show some vulnerability. Think about all those awesome Ryan Gosling memes in which he gets all sensitive and cries and connects with every female on planet earth with his vulnerability and manliness. SO sexy, right?
Regardless of the anatomy you were born with, sticking things in your ass just feels good. This goes for males, females, and every gender identity in between. As human beings, we have wonderful sensory receptors in our asses…and it’s delightful! Men have the added benefit of prostate stimulation by way of their asses. I consider them lucky, but I suppose we have the added benefit of a clitoris and a g-spot, so maybe we’re even. My point is, ass play is about pleasure plain and simple and plenty of men and women in heterosexual relationships are enjoying ass play and pegging without shame or stigma. We’ve left the inhibitions and old ways of thinking behind and it feels great. We are rockin’ out with our girl cocks out! Don’t believe me? We have blogs to prove it.
No, He’s Not Gay and if You Try it He Won’t Secretly Long for the “Real Thing” or Lose Interest in Your Lovely Lady Bits
Ass play and pegging do nothing to a man beyond give him earth shattering orgasms the likes of which he has never before experienced. As for making a man gay, it’s simply not possible. A man is either attracted to men (gay) or attracted to women (not gay) or somewhere in between (bi-sexual/pansexual, etc.). Your man’s gender identity, sexual orientation, and masculinity have nothing to do with pegging. Sexual stimulation to any part of your body is independent of all three—it’s as simple as that. Enjoying ass play and pegging doesn’t mean you’re gay any more than eating lots of carrots makes you a rabbit.
Really believing this in your heart, however, and overcoming this fear might be easier said than done. I get it. Though we’ve made a lot of progress over the years, society still has a lot to say about gender identity, gender roles (masculine, feminine, etc.), and sexual orientation (to whom you are attracted and want to fuck). I don’t want to discount any fears you may have, but I do think we overcomplicate the issue and it helps to be informed and stay open minded because confidence in yourself, your partner, and your relationship is key.
Pegging Princess Empowerment—How Does it Feel to Wear a Strap-on?
I absolutely love pegging and I feel powerful, sexy, and feminine wearing my strap-on. The feeling and rush of strapping in alone is enough to arouse me. Sexy is a state of mind. Ladies, let me take a moment to introduce you to my middle-aged 180 lb medium build frame. Might I also introduce you to my aging bladder and stretch marks. Know how much I care about all that when I’m strapped into my harness? That’s right…I don’t. Your man will think you look like a goddess in that harness and so should you. Above all else sex should be mutually rewarding and fun. And pegging is nothing if not fun, Fun, FUN!
Sexual self-awareness and confidence is essential to the heart and soul of a pegging princess. When we understand the varying levels of orgasmic intensity in our own bodies, we have a better appreciation for why the prostate induced and/or enhanced male orgasm holds so much appeal. As a woman, it is far easier to understand why your heterosexual partner is interested in sticking things in his ass to increase his pleasure if you, yourself, understand how your body responds to different stimuli.
I often hear the prostate orgasm compared to the female g-spot orgasm. I don’t much care for this comparison for two reasons: 1) many women have never experienced a g-spot orgasm; and 2) some women don’t like g-spot orgasms, including me (I find the sensation a bit annoying). Instead, I like to compare the pleasure a man receives from having his prostate massaged while jerking off to the heightened pleasure a woman experiences when she orgasms from simultaneous clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Two spots stimulated at once produces an intense and deep orgasm for many women. If you have yet to experience this type of orgasm, it might just be the perfect place to start!
When I Think About Pegging I Touch Myself
Touch yourself. I can’t overstate how passionately I feel about this one simple act of pegging princess empowerment: touch yourself. Again, everyone is different, but really getting in tune with your body alone and on your terms can make a huge difference in confidence and will likely improve your experiences together in the bedroom. If you don’t own a vibrator, stop right now and put whatever device you are reading this on down. Get into your car immediately and drive to the nearest adult entertainment retailer. I’m kidding…but not really.
Relationship Reality Check
Open, honest communication and trust are essential to pegging. Please take note that EVERYONE must be willing to GIVE in order to RECEIVE. So, now is a great time to get real about your relationship in and out of the bedroom. Are you communicating? Is your man attentive to your needs in the bedroom? Are you attentive to his? Do you both feel pleased and satisfied with your sex life, and are you both willing to ask for what you want or voice concerns if there are issues in the bedroom?
Can you trust him with your secret fantasies and desires the way that he has trusted you with his today? Why or why not? These are big questions, but if you have any doubts, you may need to address communication and trust before you start ass play and pegging. Trust me, it will be worth it, so stick with it. Improved trust and communication in any relationship has so many rewards beyond increasing pleasure in the bedroom: that’s just icing on the cake!
Knowledge is Power: Additional Resources and Pegging Tips
Arming yourself with good information before you commit to a “yes” or “no” will give you everything you need to make an informed decision that’s right for you and your partner. It will also boost your confidence and make this new idea a little less scary. Ruby Ryder has a wonderful podcast available on her pegging blog www.pegging101.com specifically geared towards women and their most frequently asked questions about pegging.
Dan Savage’s Savage Love www.thestranger.com and Dr. Susan Block www.susanblockinstitute.com also have excellent overall relationship advice. And, the list wouldn’t be complete without Sex Nerd Sandra www.sexnerdsandra.com and her super amazing sex positive blog and podcasts. Of course, for more pegging princess observations from Kate (that’s me) and other pegging princesses, visit our online community at: www.practicalpegging.tumblr.com (pegging observations) or www.katetheenchanted.tumblr.com (pegging pics, vids, and general musing).
Let’s Get a Little Emotional
I’m very sincere in saying I’m so excited for you and your partner as you start this conversation and dive into the wonderful world of pegging! I don’t have unlimited time to talk to everyone, but please feel free to visit me at www.katetheenchanted.tumblr.com and submit any questions you may have. Woman to woman, I’m here to help and I do my best to respond to all inquiries with honest observations from my experience.
As a woman, I know that sometimes we just want to know we aren’t alone and that other “average” women like ourselves, not porn stars and professional mistresses, are enjoying some light kink. Unfortunately, pegging doesn’t have a ton of prominent and outspoken “average” female role models just yet. We’re working on it, but it will take time. I hope someday soon we can count you among the ranks of empowered pegging princesses across the world!
Thanks for listening and hearing me and your man out. xoxo Kate
Disclaimer: I am neither a licensed physician nor counselor and the following is a discussion solely based on my personal observations and experiences as a pegging princess (not to be misconstrued as authoritative advice). Everyone’s bodies, circumstances, experiences, and relationships are different. Further, prostate care is serious business. Ladies, treat with care and men, find a medical professional you trust and be honest when necessary about what you stick in your ass.
© Kate the Enchanted, www.katetheenchanted.tumblr.com, www.practicalpegging.tumblr.com, 2016
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